All this ass piracy has to stop!!!

I mean it. I'm sick of seeing it.
Everywhere I look, gay guys doing it....up the ass yet!
That's just no good! Don't they know what the ass is for??
Pooping!!
Poop comes from the ass!!
I come home from work, what do I see?
Gay guys ass banging in the driveway!!

"No!", I tell them "stop this! No! Bad gay guys! BAD!".

Sometimes I try to enjoy my new deck and I have to go back inside because of all the gay guys ass banging out in the woods.

I usually can't see 'em but I can hear 'em going "yeah! Do it up the butt!!", or "I'm a big mexican gay guy, I don't mind having poop on my weenie".

It's a damn shame, all that money on that deck wasted. Might as well tear the damn thing down.
One time I tried calling the cops, but I think they were gay too.

These cops came over and without a word walked past me and started having anal sex with the gay guys.
Now, I'll probably never have enough proof to be 100% sure, but my instinct tells me those cops were slightly on the gay side.
Call me paranoid, but that's the impression I got.
I dunno, it must have been a vibe I picked up on or something.
Don't ask me to explain it.
It's just this deep instinctual hunch.

What's this country coming to?

Dammitall!!