Written by Miyu, Vampire Princess

AUTHOR'S NOTES:
This chapter concludes Year Two of Sierra's stay in Japan. A funeral is not exactly the way one would wish to end a school year, but there's still more to come! A special note from Haru! A visit from Tohru! And a class trip to boot! Will Sierra be able to cope with the reality that lies ahead of her? 

Chapter 13 - With a Heavy Heart

I have to admit it was one hell of a party.

Over a hundred people showed up for the memorial service. Most of them were his old classmates and teachers from Kaiwaia. Several new faces appeared as well, introducing themselves as more recent college classmates. They gave their most sincerest regret at the tragedy that had occurred, and their words were received with curt smiles and nods.

I received a number of letters and cards from my classmates expressing sincere condolences. Chidori and Sakura came to the service in a show of support. Even Kimi, who sat with several other student council members. Many from Momiji's fanclub had come to do the same. I was surprised -- although I shouldn't have been -- when I saw Motoko and several others from Yuki's old fanclub. Everyone was dressed in their finest black, shedding tears of mourning.

I think...Yuki would've been happy to see so many people.

He was deeply missed.

The days following his death are still blurry to me. I remember the night at Hatori's, and I can recall talking to Arisa and Saki, as well as other members of the Sohma family. I vaguely remember the phone call to mom and dad and I think...well, I'm not really sure, but I remember hearing my uncle crying at night. He probably thought I was asleep, as I well should've been...maybe...but I do remember him being very sad. Very depressed. He'd go about mumbling how it was his fault, or how he could've prevented it.

But it wasn't his fault and he couldn't have prevented it.

The day of Yuki's funeral, I mustered up as much strength and courage as I could. I wanted to be strong for my uncle, and for the rest of my family. It was especially important because I was to be by Akito's side at all times. I thought it was punishment for my angry outburst that day, but Hatori had been correct. Akito didn't remember my retaliation.

Or, if he did, he spoke nothing of it.

Yuki's death struck a cord deep within Akito. He clung to me during the memorial service, weeping on my shoulder when he wasn't speaking. When he did speak I stood behind him at the podium, making certain he didn't fall on his ass.

He spoke of friendship, of kinship and of love. His words were heartfelt and moving. There was nothing spoken about the beatings, the verbal abuse and...well, anything else. Who would want to remember those things, I supposed. And, I guess, Akito had forgotten about them as well.

I can say now, with all honesty, that Akito DID love Yuki. It was impossible to believe then, but it's the truth.

Even Yuki's mother -- whom I had come to label the Iron Bitch -- showed every ounce of sadness possible. I think most of it was fake, as she wore her usual stoic look through most of the service. But it was there, hidden behind her eyes. Some part of her was saddened by the loss of her youngest son. It made her seem just a little more human. Just a little. Ayame remained by her side throughout, shaken yet positive. Yuki's death affected him more than I'll ever know.

When the service was concluded, everyone had one last chance to pass the casket and reflect on the dead. Akito and I walked by first, followed by Yuki's immediate family. We paused a moment in introspect, but Akito said nothing, crying harder as I slowly led him away from his beloved. Standing by the door, we then received each member of the jyuunishi, followed by other family and friends.

Akito shook hands, exchanged mild pleasantries and accepted hugs and kisses on certain occasions. But the entire time we stood there he had a firm grasp on my right hand. It wasn't painful. Not at all. I think he did it more out of desperation and fear, out of the need to be close to someone, rather than out of spite and hatred.

Then again, I could've been wrong.

Although, knowing how things have turned out, I'd have to say that the former IS a better explanation.

When the crowds dispersed, Hatori, Kureno and I walked with Akito through the grounds of the main house back to his rooms. It was a long walk. And a quiet one. I continued to allow Akito to cling to me, but more so out of pity than anything. I did feel badly for him, and I, too, still needed to mourn for my cousin. I leaned on him without him knowing...or myself realizing.

When we reached his room, Akito released my arm, taking my hand instead. He led me inside and over to the corner where his bed sat on a small riser. He collapsed there, practically pulling me down with him. I let out a small yep, getting the attention of the others.

I was grateful when Hatori and Kureno came to my rescue. They unclasped our hands -- to which Akito was loathe -- and Kureno led me away, allowing Hatori to partially undress Akito, then cover him with a heavy blanket. The doctor was extremely concerned for Akito's health. The day had been quite chilled, and the young man's lack of food and sleep the days before were taking a toll.

"We should leave him to sleep," Hatori informed us.

"Sei...chan?"

I turned in the doorway when Akito called my name. Oh what a pitiful sound it was. "Hai?"

"Stay with me.... Onegai? For a little while? Just...a short...time...."

I turned and looked at Hatori. I don't think he wanted me to stay, and not because of Akito's health. It was Kureno who nodded, the look on his face confirming my own thoughts. Akito is harmless today. And I could leave once he fell asleep. Hatori finally nodded as well, whispering that he would be back to check on me in five minutes. I nodded to them, stepping back into the room and closing the door behind me.

"Hai, Akito-san," I answered him. "I'm here."

A pale hand lifted out from under the blanket. It motioned for me to move closer. I did, walking until I was standing nearly within arm's reach of his hand.

"I...do not want...to be alone...right now." His voice was muffled and rough from exhaustion.

"You are not alone," I said. I hesitated for only a moment, then reached out and took his hand. I don't think he would've moved it otherwise.

Slim fingers entwined with mine. His grip was light. Lighter than I'd ever known it. He pulled me, very gently, closer to him. I moved -- afraid he'd break if I didn't -- until I was beside the bed. As I kneeled there, he pulled my hand to rest with his on top of the blanket. He felt warm, but his skin was cooling quickly out in the open.

"I miss him," he said with a heavy sigh. "I want...to see him. To be...with him. But he's not.... He's not...here."

I shook my head, fighting back my own tears as water welled in his red-rimmed eyes. "No, he's not."

"I...want him to...come back."

"So do I."

He sobbed, "Why did...he...leave me?"

"I don't know." It worried me how out of breath he sounded. And I answered as honestly as I could, still trying not to cry. I thought I knew, but Yuki's reasons were his own...and only he knew for certain.

Akito squeezed my hand tightly and for a brief moment I thought maybe he had regained his strength. My body stiffened and I bit back a gasp. But his hold on me was gone the next instant, as if all strength had been drained from him. I examined him carefully, watching his eyes close.

"A...Akito-san?"

I felt his hand squeeze mine again. It had half the strength of before and lasted about half as long. I regarded him curiously, his eyes shutting even as he spoke. "Onegai, don't...leave me...Sei...."

I squeezed his hand, hoping he'd do the same. His fingers twitched as if to make the gesture, but in the end failed. Oh gods, don't tell me he's dying too! Fear welled up in me and I so badly wanted to scream for help. It was better than he deserved, but I was too consumed with fear to care.

"Akito...san...."

"One...gai...."

But he had only fallen asleep.

Hatori did a cursory examination when he returned -- as promised -- then walked with me back to his home. It was already supper-time and I offered to cook for him and my uncle. But it had already been decided to order take-out. When Hatori left to pick up our food, my uncle and I sat in the living room, reading pieces of the daily paper.

But Shigure wasn't reading. Oh, he gave the good appearance of doing so, but while his eyes were concentrated on a particular article, his mind was wandering elsewhere. I sat across from him, staring at him until he realized I was doing so.

"Huh? Nani? Is something wrong, Sei-chan?" He scratched his head. "Something coming out of my nose?"

I shook my head, folding the section of paper I'd been glancing through. "Iie. Nothing's wrong...I don't think."

"You were staring at me pretty intently," he commented.

"And you were deep in thought," I replied. I made a circular motion with my right hand. "Could see the wheels working hard and all. I'm surprised steam didn't come out of your ears or something."

He chuckled at my comment, followed by a heavy sigh.

"Are you all right?"

His eyes widened, obviously surprised by my comment. "I will...how do they say in America...make it?" He narrowed his eyes, looking me over curiously. "Will you make it?"

"Yeah, I'll live," I said with a small smile. "But...."

"But?"

I frowned. "It hurts."

I'm not sure when it was I started crying, but I felt the tears running down my cheeks and buried my face in my arms on the table top. Shigure was beside me almost immediately. I felt his hand on my shoulder, his chin on top of my head. Without thinking, I reached out for him. He didn't move, or try to pull away, despite the consequences.

>POOF!<

I cried, hard, on the shoulder of a large dog. He remained still, practically sitting in my lap as I hugged him. One paw touched my knee as a show of comfort.

"There was nothing you could've done, Sei-chan."

I sobbed heavily, the tears falling faster. "But...I knew...!"

Shigure shook his head, a cold nose touching my ear. "You couldn't have possibly--"

"You...didn't see.... It *sob* was bad. So very *sniff* bad."

"Sei-chan...."

"You. Didn't. See!

"What did you see?"

I told him everything. How I saw Yuki wallow into a depression. How he struggled to get out. How Akito's abuse affected him. How, after only a year, he was no longer the cousin I knew. I cursed Akito for aiding in my cousin's self-destruction. I cursed myself for not mentioning it to another before today.

But I didn't have to mention it, did I? Shigure knew what was happening. He had to know.

"There was nothing you could've done," he reiterated sadly.

Nuzzling his nose against my shoulder, I pulled away briefly. We were both crying. I wiped at my own tears before wiping away his.

"Tadaima."

And Hatori returned with our supper.

I apologized to my uncle, and excused myself for the bathroom. I spent a few more minutes crying, just letting it all go. I hadn't done so since I found my cousin in his room. Finished, spent and stomach complaining, I washed my face and returned to the living room. Hatori and Shigure were already seated at the table, but neither one was eating.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"We were waiting for you," Hatori said.

Shigure had transformed back and dressed, albeit sloppily. "Feel better?"

I nodded, seating myself opposite my uncle. He smiled at me reassuringly, then dug into his meal. I picked at my food at first, the smell making me both hungry and nauseous at the same time. Hatori watched me carefully, I knew, and after a while, hunger won out and I scarfed down the remains of my meal.

We spent the night there. I slept in the bedroom while the adults bunked down in the living room. It was a strange slumber party kind of thing. I knew they were drinking, and my uncle had once again gotten loaded. He's hilarious when he's drunk off his ass, but he makes so much noise...it was difficult to go to sleep. I walked to the bathroom twice and both times the men grew silent as I left the room.

"Are you feeling well, Sei-chan?" Hatori asked.

"I'm fine," I told him with a small smile. "Really."

"Let me know if you need anything."

I nodded, pausing in the doorway to the bathroom. "Okay."

My uncle only giggled. Yes, giggled. Like one of those school girls he so dreams about. Then he doubled over and started spewing in a small garbage can.

Gods, but I wish I had a video camera.

The days following the funeral were dreary. Busy...but dreary. As a new class rep, I was required to aid in the planning and execution of the class trip. I was looking forward to it...looking forward to getting away. I also drown myself in housework. It had been sorely neglected for the better part of two weeks. Kisa-chan came over to help me, and it still took us an entire day!

I received a letter from Haru the day before the class trip was to begin. Color me surprised! His handwriting was neat, so I knew he took his time writing. There were also a few scrawls in a different handwriting. I assumed it was Rin's. They had heard about Yuki's death and planned to come home, if only for a short while, to visit the grave. I probably would not see them, they said, but they hoped that I was well.

I would have written back, but there was no return address.

That same day I met Arisa and Hanajima at the mall for a movie and lunch. It was great to be around them. I didn't get to say so much as 'hello' at Yuki's funeral and they snuck out before the final procession. Arisa said it was because she didn't want to go through the formality. Hana-chan explained that nothing good would've come of their crossing Akito. Neither one of them had met him until that day, but Hana-chan said the bad vibes she had experience were enough for her to go along with Arisa's plan.

We talked almost constantly...but when our conversation turned towards Tohru, there was little to say. It appeared that she'd been in touch with Arisa and Hana-chan only slightly more than myself. She seemed very busy of late. I figured, perhaps, she had adjusted to her new life and wanted to forget about us. Not exactly something Tohru would do consciously, and Arisa wasn't convinced. Tohru could be dense, she said, and if she's caught up in something for school, she would get back to us when she had the chance.

No one had told her of Yuki's passing, either. It seemed like a very touchy subject and none of us were willing to bring it up to her. She'd be devastated, and if she was busy, it was a distraction she couldn't afford.

But we'd tell her eventually.

Maybe.

Hana-chan made sure I had enough snacks for the class trip and Arisa helped me pick out a new outfit to wear. We weren't required to wear our school uniform for the whole trip, so I asked for some fashion advice. What I got was an eclectic collection of clothing that a normal person would have trouble with.

I left my friends just before dinner, picking up some take out on the way home. My uncle was still in his study -- where I had left him that morning -- and I called to him to come and eat. He did so without hesitation. I ordered his usual, to which he smiled and sighed happily before tearing into the cardboard boxes and inhaling his food.

Later that night, as I was packing for the school trip, I came across something I hadn't seen in months. It had been hidden in my luggage, although I'm still unsure as to why. I fingered it hesitantly, nervously watching the door in case my uncle walked in, which he was prone to doing. I couldn't believe that I had actually found it.

It was the necklace Haru had given me before he left.

I wore it the entire time I was away.

The class trip was to Osaka. Second largest city in Japan and one the biggest cultural centers in the country. The city was absolutely beautiful, but seeing it from a bus was nothing compared to actually seeing it up close.

"I can't believe we're here!"

"I'm so excited!"

"Hope I didn't forget anything."

"Hey! Who took my snack?!"

The busses pulled up to the hotel lobby where we were staying. It was the job of the teachers and class reps to make sure everyone got checked in. Since there were so many of us, this took awhile. But the wait was bearable, only because excitement was paramount. Everyone was chatting about the places we planned on seeing, and those places people wanted to see during free time. We'd have plenty of it over the three days we spent there.

Once we got settled at the hotel, we were separated into three smaller groups. I was happy to be stuck with Chidori and Sakura. Kimi was in our group, too. She was outrageously funny, especially at lunch when she began flirting with a young man seated not far from us. The teacher gave her this look, but didn't chastise her.

Then it was out into the world and off to see the sights. Our group stopped at the Osaka Museum of History first, followed by the Human Rights Museum and the aquarium. I love aquariums, although I was giddy when we came upon an exhibit of seahorses. When the guide explained that it's the males that get pregnant and not the females, I almost fell over laughing. My friends had no clue, but that was okay. i think they found it amusing, even without my reference.

With the educational portion of our trip complete, we were allowed to walk the streets near the hotel. Sakura pulled us down this one street towards the train station. We didn't ride the train, but we did discover a flea market. It was already closed for day, but we vowed to return if we had free time the next day.

"Oh! Look at that! It's so pretty!"

"Oh my gosh! We simply have to go in there!"

My friends tried to keep me as occupied as possible during free time. If there was something to see, they made sure I saw it. If there was a store, we shopped in it. If we passed an ice-cream stand...Sakura HAD to have a cone of strawberry and vanilla.

"What?" She looked me over as if I'd grown a second head. "You think this's odd?! What about you, little miss double chocolate and rainbow sherbert?"

Hey, I like what I like!

Our second day was a trip to Universal Studios Japan. I couldn't help but compare it to the one in Los Angeles. I'd only been there once and didn't really enjoy myself. Of course, I was with my folks who didn't want to ride any rides.

This time, though, was so much fun!

We even made it to the Uehon Machi Square Market, the flea market we missed the day before. I spent nearly all my money picking up trinkets for members of my family, but I did find this really cute glass sculpture of a rose. The tips of the petals were tinted with color, as well as the end of the stem. It appeared to be the cheapest thing ever made, but I simply couldn't pass it up.

The last day was highlighted by a trip to the Shitennoji temple. Absolutely beautiful that place. Chidori made several wishes at a wishing well, and Sakura bought a number of good luck charms. I made one wish at the well. Too bad I don't remember what it was. I bought one good luck charm as well.

Obviously, it hasn't worked all that well.

But it's had it's moments.

Yuki had been buried while I was away. Only the jyuunishi and Akito were allowed to be present. I thought it was cruel that Yuki's parents weren't allowed to be present during the short ceremony, but I don't think they argued much.

Kagura and Momiji accompanied me to the gravesite. It was in the midst of a small circle of gravestones south of the main house, but still on Sohma property. Apparently this is where the jyuunishi were buried upon death. I stared at all the other markers as we walked, wondering briefly which zodiac animal they had been and if their lives had been as difficult as the current generation.

Together, the three of us came upon a tiny marker. There would be a stone there eventually, Momiji said. But for now, my cousin's grave was marked with a brick. A small strawberry plant in a dark green pot sat on top.

I had told myself I wasn't going to cry, but I did anyway. Momiji held my hand tightly while Kagura and I held onto each other.

"You know," Kagura said. "I thought Kyo would be happy about Yuki's death. I mean, I don't think they ever really hated each other, but they never got along. Not unless she was here." 'She' meant Tohru. "But he cried when I told him. He yelled and screamed, cursing Yuki with just about every insult he could. But...he cried...."

I held her tighter.

"I never told him...but I looked up to him," Momiji said. He released my hand, kneeling in front of the marker. With gentle fingers, he reached out and touched the strawberry plant. "He was only a year older, but he'd been through so much. And he was strong. I wanted to be strong too." He smiled sadly. "And I will. I promise, I will."

"He was like a brother to me," I said. "The older brother I never had. I looked up to him too." I release Kagura and joined Momiji in front of the marker, crouching beside him. it was awkward in the long skirt and boots I was wearing. "I got to see this beautiful flower in all his glory.... And I got to watch as he slowly faded away. I knew what he was going through, yet I couldn't help me like he'd helped me. I wanted to...so badly I wanted to." I wiped tears from my cheeks but more fell to take their place. "I really miss him."

"Me, too."

"Same here."

"I miss him, too, Sei-chan."

It was the third statement, spoken by a familiar voice, that cause Momiji and I to stand. Kagura turned with us as we watched a young women appear from the grove of trees beyond the hill. The young woman was of average height, about as tall as Kagura and a few inches taller than me. She was dressed conservatively in a black dress and matching jacket. The only things that stood out were her shortly cropped, chocolate colored hair and jade eyes.

"Tohru!"

Momiji's outcry surprised Kagura and I. He sprinted for the top of the hill where Tohru stood. Kagura called out for him to stop, but it was too late. He reached the top of the hill and, without preamble, enveloped the young woman in a bear hug.

>POOF!<

"It's good to see you too, Momiji," she replied. When the smoke cleared, she was holding a very happy bunny in her arms.

"Tohru-chan! What are you doing here?" Kagura asked, also moving away from the grave to embrace her friend.

"I'm here to visit Yuki-kun's grave."

I wanted to go too, but something held me back. Something wasn't right. First of all, how did she know about Yuki's death? Secondly, how did she get into the main house without Akito knowing? It seemed awfully strange...and frightening.

Still, it was good to finally SEE her. She looked well, despite the paleness of her skin. Then again, her pale complexion could've just been an effect of the black she was wearing.

"Gomen nasai," she said, placing Momiji on the ground. "But I don't have very long."

"It's good to see you, Tohru-kun," I finally managed to say...and a smile to boot!

She returned my smile. "It's good to see you, too, Sei-chan. I'm glad you look well."

"You've been studying hard?" I asked.

She nodded, moving forward a few steps until she was at the bottom of the hill. Momiji hopped at her heels. "Yes, school had been very hectic. But now that the semester is over, I have a month to catch my breath."

"How did you--?" The question came from Kagura, who had been thinking the same as me. "How did you find out about Yuki's passing?"

"From Shigure-san," she answered simply. "He wrote to me and told me."

He knew. He knew where she was?! AND how to get in touch with her?! I called him every bad name I could think of in the back of my mind. I really shouldn't have been surprised, but I was.

"Are you--?"

"I'm fine," she said, looking down at Momiji, who had asked the question. "I'm saddened and heartbroken, but I'm okay."

"We've missed you," I spoke up again.

Her smile somehow grew sadder. "I've missed you, too."

"Have you seen Kyo?" Kagura questioned.

"Iie," Tohru replied with a shake of her head. "I've only been granted a short time to visit the grave. I'm afraid I won't have the time."

"He'd really love to see you," Kagura intoned.

"Gomen nasai," Tohru apologized.

"You can't stay longer," I asked. "Maybe visit with Shigure?"

"Iie. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Tohru." Momiji seemed to be apologizing for both Kagura and myself. "We're just happy to see you again."

"And I'm happy to see you...>POOF!<....ACK!"

A cloud of smoke appeared beside her, but Momiji carefully disappeared behind a tree. Very discreet for him. Kagura took him his clothes. That left me alone with Tohru if only for a moment. I had no idea what else to say. It had been so long.

"Are you well, Sei-chan?"

"Huh?" Her question surprised me. "Ah, hai. I'm okay." I smiled. "I got voted as a class rep for this coming year."

She seemed genuinely surprised, and elated. "That's wonderful."

"Ano, Tohru-kun, there's someone waiting for you," Momiji said, emerging from behind the tree.

He nodded to the top of the hill where she had once stood. in her place stood Kureno. He looked neither happy nor sad. But that was normally Kureno. He had snuck Tohru in to see Yuki's grave I later discovered. Whether Akito ever found out is still a mystery.

"Ah, time is short then." She looked at us, pleading. "If you don't mind, I'd like a moment alone."

"Of course," was Momiji's immediate response.

Kagura turned and walked away without question, but I hesitated. I wanted to talk with her some more. I gave her a quick hug as I passed by her, but her attention was already taken by the grave marker. Momiji's hands on my shoulders maneuvered me up the hill and past Kureno until Tohru and the grave were but a speck in my vision.

Then she disappeared...again.

I kept getting postcards, but they were few and far between.

I confronted my uncle about contacting Tohru. He looked neither affronted nor insulted. He simply explained that since it was he who sent her away, he could get in touch with her whenever he wanted. How convenient. But he chose not to keep in close touch with her for fear that Akito would find out. I was not to tell that he knew, nor was I to tell that she had been at the main house.

I've never told anyone...except maybe Yuki.

And he's certainly not going to tell on me, are you Yuki-kun?

AH! The clock is striking midnight. Only one more day left. My uncle will complain because I haven't slept again, but I don't care. I have only one more day to finish my story. It's not a lot of time, but I shall do my best.

If you have stuck with me this far, dear reader, I applaud you. You are braver than even I would have given you credit for. But there is still plenty more to come.

~TO BE CONTINUED~