LOVE IS PAIN
A Fruits Basket Challenge Fic

Written by Miyu, Vampire Princess

AUTHOR'S NOTES:
This one's for the gipper...so to speak. My answer to the "shocking confessions" challenge. Haru x Tohru pairing and plenty of lemon to go around. Comments welcome.

"I'm...sorry. Really sorry."

All she wanted to do was confess.

"I...I guess it was a weak moment. It never should have happened. We were drunk. We...we both lost control and just...gave in."

It had taken weeks to get up the nerve to admit her own shortcomings.

"I should have said no. I should have just walked away. But...we've been close friends for so long...and I've always wondered...."

She had expected his silence.

"Haru, please say something."

CRACK!

"Haru--!"

She expected his anger.

"Say something? Like something nice? Impossible. There's nothing nice about what you did. It's betrayal, pure and simple. And with HIM of all people?" CRACK! SLAM! "Son of a bitch...*BANG* Stupid mutt...."

"Please, it wasn't totally his fault."

"No, of course not. It's equal blame. But it hurts. Hurts...*CRACK*...like...*BANG*...hell!"

"I'm...I'm s-sorry."

She expected his retaliation.

"How could you? I've asked you more than once 'are you sure' and 'are you certain'. Each time you told me you loved me. That you were absolutely sure this is what you wanted. What a joke!"

"Please, calm down."

"I didn't think it was in your nature to lie, Tohru. But I guess I was wrong. VERY wrong."

"I didn't mean to--!"

"SHUT UP!"

"I'm sorry...."

She expected his cruelty.

RIP!

"Haru?!"

"Don't talk."

"Th-that hurts! Stop!"

"Why should I?"

SNAP!

"You couldn't tell HIM to stop, could you?"

"Haru, *sob* please...."

"What? Please what? Please stop undressing me? Please stop touching me?"

"You...you're h-hurting...me...."

"Not as badly as you've burt me. Trust me."

"Please...I'm sorry."

"Eh? Not as sorry as you're going to be."

But her confession didn't stop Haru from turning black, from taking out his anger on her. Her apologies didn't stop him from ripping off her clothes -- her best Sunday dress. Her pleas didn't keep him throwing her onto the bed, practically holding her down with his body. Her muffled cries didn't stop him from kissing her, biting at her, from taking from her without so much as a thought to her delight or comfort.

It certainly didn't stop her tears from falling.

Then...the sun rose on a new day.

The light shown brightly through the blinds in Haru's room. Groggily the young man awoke. Lazily he stretched his arms over his head. One eye cracked open, only to be met by a ray of sunlight. With a groan he rolled over, both eyes opening to lit shadows. His body ached as he rose. Wondering why he ached so, he wracked his memories of the night before.

What he found nearly floored him as he stood.

Tohru had looked him in the eye and told him she had slept with someone else. It had only happened once, and nearly a month ago. Yet, the fact that she'd been hiding a secret from him was enough to make him angry. Finding out who else knew the secret had made him even angrier. Of all people, Haru didn't think Shigure would do such a thing. But, then again....

He shook his head. All that was beside the point. Tohru's confession was shocking, yes.

But what he did to get back at her was...frightening.

His black side had completely taken over. He wished, to some extent, that he'd had more control...or that he couldn't remember. But he did. He remembered her muffled cries, her sobbing apologies. He remembered the forceful kisses, the brutal caresses. Without a thought to her comfort or well-being he held her to the bed and took her...over and over...until she had stopped crying and he had passed out from exhaustion.

Haru's eyes widened. By the gods, what had he done? And to the woman he loved most of all. Was she all right? Was she even in the room?! Perhaps he needed to take her to see Hatori. Explaining her injuries and tears would not be pretty. He was not proud of what he'd done, either. He'd own up to the pain he'd inflicted, knowing it would be returned to him tenfold someday.

A soft sob dragged him from his thoughts.

She was still there. Still in his room. But why? After what he had done...?

"Tohru?"

There was another sob, but no answer. His eyes searched the grayness of his room. It took a little extra focus but he found her. She was sitting by the door, huddled into the corner with a blanket. Had she slept there? Had she slept at all? Stepping closer, he noticed trembling arms wrapped around her legs. Even closer and he could see her shoulders shaking with the force of her sobs.

"Tohru?"

She didn't so much as budge when he called her name. But he could hear her tears, her crying. He stepped until he was directly in front of her. Crouching, he called to her again. The sound of her name only made her cry harder.

"Gomen nasai," he whispered. He wanted to reach out and touch her, comfort her, but he knew it wouldn't help. Instead, he pulled another blanket from the bed and draped it around her bare shoulders. It was then he realized that she was naked under the blankets. He apologized again, as he pulled the blanket tightly around her. She stirred slightly, but still said nothing.

"I'm sorry, Tohru. Really. I was just...angry, and hurt. Even still, I shouldn't have done all that. I should have listened. I should have...I'm sorry, love."

Tohru's tears continued to fall but her sobs lightened. She dared a look at him from under a mass of tangled brown hair. Her eyes were discernable, but she could see him, his head hung in shame, sitting across from her. He was close, but kept a distance between them. Was that for her comfort, she wondered. He appeared to be himself, but how could she be sure?

Instead of speaking, she sat in silence, listening to him explain the hell he had gone through, the pain he had felt, echoed only by the pain and agony he had caused her. He apologized, over and over, for the things he had done, but she knew she deserved that pain, that anger. More tears formed in her eyes, not from his apologies, or the memories of the night before, but from her own betrayal, her own pain.

"I know I've hurt you. Maybe...." He stood, looking down at her tentatively. "Maybe I should get Hatori. He should have a look at you to make sure you're okay."

"NO!"

Tohru was surprised by her own outburst. She pushed a mass of hair away from her face, but kept it lowered. "There's no need for Hatori to know. I'm...I'm...okay." She covered her face with her hands. "I'm okay."

"You really should see a doctor."

She shook her head ferociously, tossing the mess of brown locks back and forth.

"Tohru...."

"No, really. I'm all right. I just...."

"Just what?"

"*sob* I just...I...I *sob* feel...dirty. I feel dirty."

"All right."

Tohru's eyes shot open and she nearly screamed when she felt herself being lifted. Haru managed to balance her on his forearms, dropping her a bit ungently onto the bed before a transformation could occur. Her eyes widened as she looked up at him.

"Haru--!"

"Wait here," he said, offering a reassuring smile. "Rest. Sleep." He backed away from the bed. "I'm going to draw you a bath."

Tohru's surprise showed on her face. "You...you don't have to--!"

"Yes, I do," Haru replied firmly, walking towards the bathroom. "After what I did, it's the least I can do for you."

"Haru?" But it was already too late. He had entered the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

She laid on the bed, unmoving. The sound of running water could be heard from the bathroom. She listened to it hit the ceramic tub. The sound was steady enough to send her into a light sleep. But her sleep was fitful, littered with the memories of what she had...of what she and Shigure had done. It seemed dirty, even then. Her mind didn't comprehend what her body so badly wanted. There was no logic, no words...and no love. Just sex.

She'd been keeping her distance from him at home and often times staying in her room unless it was necessary. He never mentioned that night, his silence only lending credence to her own condescending thoughts. It was bad. What they had done...what SHE had done...was wrong.

And then Haru--!

She berrated herself over and over again, tears streaming down her cheeks. She deserved every minute of the night before. It was all her fault. She had expected it, her punishment for being bad.

But it still hurt.

"Tohru, the bath is ready."

Haru watched as her eyes snapped open. There was saddness...and an underlying hint of fear. She had every reason to fear him, especially after last night. Hell, he feared himself. He hated what he'd done to her and his mind kept searching for ways to make it up to her. Could he ever?

"I'm sorry."

Tohru's words startled him. "I know," he replied, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry, too."

"If...if you don't...love me anymore...I understand."

Haru blinked. Don't love her? His heart ached at the very thought. "Tohru, I still love you." He reached out, moving a large tendril of chocolate hair out of her face. She cringed slightly at his touch, but she didn't move away. "That hasn't changed. It hasn't."

She seemed suprised by his answer. Elated and surprised. "Are you...still angry?"

Haru sighed, pausing in thought. "No," he said truthfully. "I'm not angry. Upset, a little...and hurt, definitely. But angry...at you...no."

The barest hint of a smile formed on her lips. "I'm...glad."

"Why don't you go take that bath," Haru suggested, standing. "Before the water gets cold. We can talk more when you're done."

Tohru looked around the room, somewhat lost. "Ano...."

"I'll look for your clothes," Haru said, although he was certain she would not be able to wear what he'd find.

Tohru blushed a deep red. "That's not what--?"

"Go on," Haru said, helping her from the bed and ushering her towards the bathroom. "I'll be out here when you're done, fresh clothes and all."

Tohru looked back from the bathroom doorway. "Haru...umm...thank you."

The young man nodded, waited for the door to close, then went about business. Her clothes were easy to find, what was left of them anyway. A quick call to Kagura ensured some new, clean clothes, at least temporarily. His explanation was brief and Kagura didn't ask too many questions...for a change.

Then he straightened up his room. They had made quite the mess. Or rather, HE made a mess. Guilt poured over him as he sat on the bed. What the hell had he been thinking? In truth, he hadn't been thinking at all...not about Tohru at any rate. Sitting there, alone with his thoughts...it was worse than any other experience he'd ever had.

He loved Tohru. He was honest in telling her so. Her little trist changed nothing with him. In reality, he'd done it himself. Not to Tohru. But to Rin...with Tohru. Sadly, Rin had done the same to him...and with Shigure no less. That, if nothing else, was enough to get a rise of anger from him. He had to ask himself if his cousin was doing it for spite, or if his relationships were just doomed.

He prayed the latter was not the case.

And if the former was true...he'd have a good time beating the shit out of Shigure.

Tohru breathed in yet another sigh. The warm water of the bath was calming. The smell of jasmine and roses was relaxing. Together they had healing power. Her skin melted in the warm water, her muscles relaxing. She could feel the little aches and pains from the night before now that she wasn't busy crying. The bruises and marks left behind were also reflected in the water. Haru had not been gentle. Not for the first time, she reminded herself, although this time he gave no thought to her what so ever. And should he have? After what she had done?

Left with very few tears, Tohru let them fall into the steaming water as she sunk lower in the tub. She cringed as she felt pain from another part of her body. Another reminder of her unfaithfulness. The pain passed. The guilt did not.

/Tohru, I still love you./

Haru had said he still loved her. The look in his eyes only conveyed the truth behind his words. He did love her. It was somewhat of a relief, but not enough to erase the guilt, the pain she had caused him.

'I have to make it up to him,' she told herself.

'How?' a voice in her mind asked.

She didn't know.

'But I will,' she thought resolutely. 'Maybe if I....'

The bathroom door opened and cool air rushed into the once steamy closet. Steam turned to smoke as it rushed out. Tohru emerged, a towel wrapped around her body and blanket on top of that. She shouldn't be embarrassed by her nakedness. She and Haru had been together for better than a year. But it was thoughts of the past -- her actions and not his -- that kept her from being comfortable.

A pile of clothing caught her attention. Two steps and a tentative hand reached out for the pale blue blouse laying on top. These were not her clothes, she realized. Probably from Kagura. A small smile graced her lips. Everything was there, from the matching shorts to the coordinated unmentionables.

She turned away from the clothes to find Haru. He was lying on the bed, a large lump under the dark sheets. His white hair was discernable on one pillow. Quietly she walked over to the bed. Had he gone back to sleep? How much time had passed since she went into the bathroom? Unwrapping the blanket from around her, she let it fall to the floor. Sitting along the edge, she reached out to touch his hair. The white tufts were soft against her fingers. She sighed, decreeing to herself that she had to make things up to him and wondering if her plan would work.

"Did you enjoy your bath?"

His voice both shocked and soothed her. Tohru nodded as Haru pulled the covers off his face and looked over his shoulder. "I did. Thank you."

"There's some clean clothes on the desk."

"I saw them. From Kagura?"

"Mm-hmm." Haru stretched out under the covers and turned to face his lover. "There was little left to salvage from last night. I'll buy you a new outfit."

"Oh, you don't have to," Tohru replied.

"I want to." Haru offered her a smile. "I gotta do something to make things better, right?"

Tohru frowned. "It's not your fault."

Haru grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently. "What I did to you last night is my fault."

"But I'm the one that made you angry," she said. "It's my fault. And I should be the one making it up to you." She paused, biting her lower lip. "But I...." Tohru sighed, closing her eyes against fresh tears. "I don't know how."

"It seems we both have something to make up for then, ne?" Tohru nodded. "Do you want to know how you can make it up to me?" She nodded again, not opening her eyes but listening intently to his next words. Haru smiled. "You can start by giving me a kiss."

Tohru's eyes snapped open. She had expected something more...erotic or naughty. Carefully examining his straight face, she asked, "Is that all?"

"It's a start."

"Are you sure?"

"Very sure."

Confused, but relieved, Tohru leaned forward. Her eyes closed as his did. Their lips brushed lightly, back and forth before opening slightly. Tohru's tongue reached towards his mouth, the tip grazing his bottom lip. She was surprised when Haru's tongue mirrored her action. She did it again, and so did he, until their tongues met in a dance.

It took every ounce of control Haru had not to bury his hands in her damp hair, to pull her closer so that she stretched out beside him, their bodies touching and moving against each other. It would have transformed him. They'd dealt with a fair amount of transformations during foreplay, but he had no intention of making that mistake now. No, he had to be careful. He didn't want to scare her away either. He had been brutal last night, and wanted this time to be much different. Softer. Gentler. That was his way of making things up to her.

Only the need for air drew them apart. Tohru panted, one hand grasping her chest. Their kisses had always been passionate, but this...this kiss had more. Sure there was passion, but there was also want, need...and love. Her eyes opened slowly, locking with Haru's. He was just as amazed as she, a silly little grin plastered on his lips. Her hand left her chest, reaching for his face. Her fingers caressed one cheek, one tip tracing the outline of his lips before caressing the other cheek.

He sighed at her touch, his body shivering despite his best effort to hold back. Tohru had no idea the wanton beauty she presented to him. Her eyes half closed, her lips slightly apart, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. The towel was coming undone, clinging for dear life to her smooth skin. He wanted to reach out and touch her, to make sure she was real, but he was afraid she'd disappear if he did. Instead he told her:

"Mmm, that was good. Do it again."

Without hesitation, she leaned over and kissed him again. Only this time, there wasn't anything gentle about it. She pressed her lips to his forcefully, expressing a deeper want, a deeper need. Their tongues danced immediately, their open lips trying to gobble up the other person, almost literally. Passion burned between them, Tohru's hand cupping Haru's cheek as the other held her precariously above him.

She wanted to touch him more, wanted him to touch her. Usually she wasn't this aggressive, or Haru this passive. It bewildered and empowered her. The first touch of Haru's fingers running through her hair caused her to moan into the kiss. Her arm shook, her muscles straining to keep her upright above him. She sighed, moaning again, grateful when Haru maneuvered her down to the mattress to lay beside him.

With Tohru lying down, Haru slipped from the sheets and took the controlling position, rising over and above her. Denim clad thighs brushed against smooth flesh and fluffy cotton. Haru cursed himself for getting dressed; he could've easily have taken her if he hadn't. But he had to remind himself that this wasn't about him. It was all about her. His heart raced at the thought of how sweet that moment of consummation would be and he broke the kiss, groaning, as Tohru's fingers brushed feather-light against his ribs and stomach. He nipped at her lower lip, drawing an equally heavy groan from her.

"Haru?"

"Hmm?"

Her words left her on sigh. "I love you."

He nuzzled her neck, licking a tender spot just below her ear, making her sigh again, her hands reflexively grasping at his hips. He grinned into her neck. "I love you, too." He pulled back, but not before giving the lobe of her right ear a small tug with his teeth. Dark eyes looked down at her beautiful face. He had wanted to meet her eyes, but they were closed. "Tohru?"

"Hmm?" She opened her eyes. The clear sheen indicated forming tears. Her body trembled under his intense gaze. "Yes?"

"I want to make love to you like I should," he told her. "I want to take away those bad things I did to you last night." His eyes caught one light bruise partially hidden under the towel at her shoulder. His thumb padded lightly at the skin. Tohru didn't wince, but he was certain it had caused her pain. He nearly winced himself. There was another bruise close by. And another. "Will you let me?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Why do you look about to cry?"

"Because...." she began, a tear falling, gliding across her cheek. "It's hard to believe...after what I did...you--?"

"Don't doubt me," Haru said. He caressed one cheek, placing a light kiss to one of the bruises on her shoulder. "I love you, Tohru. I do. I'm sorry about last night."

"I deserved it."

"No, you didn't."

"I did!"

"Tohru--" Haru wanted to argue but he was speechless, practically brought to tears by the look of self-depreciation on her face. She truly believed that she deserved what he did to her. That she was no good to him. He sighed. "Did you feel any love when you were with him?"

Tohru shook her head.

"Did you do it purposefully to hurt me?"

She shook her head again.

"And you know that you love me."

She nodded. "Yes."

"Then you did nothing wrong," he stated firmly.

She looked up at him, wide-eyed. "But how can you--?!"

"Shhh." He silenced her with a brief kiss. "It's all right. Just...promise me it won't happen again. Please?"

"I promise," she replied, putting her whole heart into the answer.

"Good," he said with smile, kissing her again.

"Haru?" she asked when they parted.

"Hmm?"

Tohru blushed slightly, but her eyes never left his when she said, "Make love to me. I want...I want to feel like I did...that very first time...."

Haru groaned. The heat in her eyes. The plea in her voice. How could he possibly say no?

His lips captured hers again, but they didn't linger. Hungry to taste her skin, he left a trail of wet, open-mouthed kisses along her jaw to her ear. He caught the lobe of her ear between his teeth and pulled gently, eliciting a moan from Tohru. He continued in a slow descent, lavishing her neck with his lips and tongue, burning a trail of fire until he reached the crest of one breast.

With his nose he nuzzled at the cotton towel until it came apart enough for him to dip his tongue in the valley between her breasts. One-handed he pulled at the towel, moving it aside first left, then right. It was like unwrapping a present, Haru mused. And what a present. His tongue traced a line between her breast then to the right, circling under then over until his lips closed around a nipple.

Tohru gasped, her head thrown back against the mattress as her torso arched into his kisses. Lightening raced through her body, causing molten pools to stir and sift. Her hands reached for him, one hand digging into his hair, clutching him tightly to her breast. Her other hand moved between them, lowering until she reached her target. The button of his pants was stubborn but it finally came undone. She pulled down the zipper then reached inside.

Haru groaned against her breast, biting the nipple lightly and moving his hips so she had better access to him. As her fingers surrounded him, he switched breasts, lavishing it with the same attention. He reveled in the whimpering cries she made. Marveled at how perfect her breast fit into his hand. Wondered at the softness of her skin. He released her breast to cry out as her hand began moving over him. It was a minor distraction though as he smiled down at Tohru, placing a light kiss to her lips before moving lower.

Tohru moaned as Haru pulled from her eager grasp. Her eyes opened slowly and she lifted her head to see what he was doing. She could feel his lips on her stomach, his tongue dipping into her belly button. Her breath caught as he moved even lower, his lips caressing the skin just above the apex of her thighs. She bit her bottom lip in anticipation, and whimpered as his kisses trailed to the left and over the inside of her thigh.

Haru suppressed a grin at Tohru's whimpers. He trailed kisses to her knee, lifting the leg so he could reach that one spot he knew drove her mad. One lick had her moaning his name. Two licks and she was arching for more. Her other leg shifted restlessly against him, her hands digging into his hair. She tried to pull him up, wanting him to move faster. Haru, however, had other ideas. Placing one last kiss on her left thigh, he lifted her right leg and began an upward ascent from her knee to his intended goal.

Tohru's fingers dug deeper into his hair wanting his lips elsewhere than her leg. She knew what was coming but Haru was moving far too slow. She wanted to feel his lips on her clit, his tongue against her folds. It was a long time coming, but she finally felt it. Crying out, Tohru shifted restlessly against his mouth. She felt the beginnings of a climax and fought to keep it at bay. She wanted to enjoy the sensations, the feelings.

"Don't hold back on me, Tohru," Haru muttered against her wet opening. With a flick of his tongue, he tasted her. Over and over again. "Come for me."

And she did, biting back a scream that had welled up in her throat. Her body shook in reaction, her moans stifled by her fist. Tension left her body and she felt herself drifting through pleasure.

But that was far from the end.

Haru made a feverish assault on her, licking, biting, sucking. He held nothing back, wanting her to come screaming his name. His body grew harder from her moans, his dick twitching with each catch of her breath. He should've taken her then. She was ready for him and he was MORE than ready for her. But no, he told himself. This is for her. He could do this for her.

"Haru...onegai...!"

"Just once more," he told her, kissing her stomach as he pushed two fingers inside of her throbbing center. "Just once more...for me."

Again she didn't need to be told twice. Fireworks of white exploded behind her eyelids. Her body burst in a million pieces, electricity pulsing through her veins. She called out his name, one hand holding him to her while the other clutched madly at the sheets beneath her. She had no chance to breath as Haru covered her lips with his. There was no time to calm down, her body exploding yet a third time as she felt him push against her folds with his manhood.

Haru caught every whimper, every gasp for air, with his own lips. Carefully he positioned himself between her legs. Equally careful, he hoisted Tohru into a sitting position so that they were both sitting up, she straddling his lap. In that same motion he sank into her, groaning as inch by inch he penetrated her pulsing folds.

"Kami, Tohru." Her center clenched at his shaft as she came that third time, causing him to moan in appreciation. "I love you. I love you...."

Tohru kissed Haru's shoulder. "I love you too," she whispered. "I love you, Haru."

Using her hands to brace herself, she began to move over him. She was in control from this position and she reveled in it. Although she couldn't maintain the slow leisurely motions of her partner, Tohru still wanted to please. Reaching between them, she managed to get a grip on the base of his manhood. She squeezed, quickening her pace.

Haru bit into her shoulder, suppressing a yelp. The move had been somewhat painful, but not in a bad way. Another squeeze and he wouldn't be able to hold back his climax. He was already so close, but he didn't want it to end. Not yet. Grabbing Tohru under her arms, he forced her to lay down again. He remained sitting, pulling her pelvis to meet his. Without losing their connection he began pounding into her.

Tohru braced her feet on the mattress to help balance her, but it was a futile effort. Her body no longer wanted to obey, her muscles no longer wanting to move. All she could do was feel. She felt those molten pools begin to bubble over, her climax approaching. Clawing at the sheets she cried his name, over and over until she saw those twinkling stars. Her vision blurred, turned white, then black, then...nothing.

Haru held them together, spurting the last of his seed into her. He panted heavily, unable to breathe. He had enough conscious thought not to fall on top of Tohru. Lowering himself onto his side, he remained connected with her. One shaky hand lifted, caressing Tohru's cheek. Her eyes were closed, but the smile on her face spoke volumes. He managed a smile of his own.

"Tohru?"

"Hmm?" Slowly she opened her eyes. Her voice was breathless when she said, "Haru, that was--!"

"Incredible?"

"Unbelievably incredible."

"I couldn't have done it without you, love." She blushed a deep shade of red and he laughed. "You want to go again?"

She shook her head. "Not right now."

"No more pain?"

"Nothing bad."

"Good."

Their bodies and cooled and breathing normal, Haru withdrew from Tohru. He kept their legs entwined. He wasn't willing to completely let her go.

"Haru?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you sure...you're not still mad at me?"

He kissed her, thoroughly and passionately. "Love means having to deal with pain sometimes," he told her. "You're still here, with me, and I know you love me." He kissed here again, leaving her almost breathless when they parted. "No, I'm not mad at you. As a matter of fact, I have a confession to make."

Tohru looked at him, surprised. "A confession?"

"Aa," he said with a nod. Grabbing both of her hands in his he lifted them so he could kiss each one in turn. "I probably should've told you this a while ago. I...I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

A smile spread across Tohru's lips. "The rest of your life, huh?"

"Aa."

"Then can I make another confession?" Haru nodded. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, too."

>POOF<

"AH! Haru!"

"Sorry, but I couldn't resist."

CRACK! THUD!

"Oops."

"I'll buy you a new bed as an engagement present," Tohru said.

"I can think of something better?"

"Really?"

"Yep. I'll show you when I transform back."

"When you--?" >POOF< "Haru!"

"Now...about my present...."

~OWARI~

BACK TO MAIN