BODY AND SOUL
A Fruits Basket Fanfic
Written by Miyu, Vampire Princess
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
This story is based on a drabble I wrote for the LJ community "furubadrabbles".
I'm not sure why it sounded like a good idea. Probably because I was getting
ready for Yaoicon. But it's still a good idea I think, so I guess I can't blame
it on that. =P My second completed yaoi story to date, but my first in the
furuba fandom. Yes, the evil "y" word. *evil laughter follows* Shigure
x Hatori pairing, and a possibility for OOC-ness (but I try to keep it to a
minimum).
It all seems surreal.
The time and place are very real. It's the same place every Thursday: my house. And the same time every Thursday: just after lunch.
Just after his meeting with Akito.
His physical presence is very real as well. I've always been on an even par with him, but when we're alone like this, its obvious who the dominant one really is. The press of his lips against my throat. The touch of his hands on my hips. The pure warmth his body emits. These are all so VERY real.
But the emotion behind his touch, his kiss. The feelings that his dark eyes convey. The words he whispers in my ear. They're all fake. Sure they sound sweet and reassuring, but they lack that which I crave most.
Love.
"Have you been waiting long?"
"Iie. I just finished with a patient."
"When's your next appointment?"
"*paper rustling* Two hours."
"Good."
"Shigure--?"
"Shh. No arguments. *smooch* Ha-san needs to take a break."
"Shigure...."
"I know you're sick, Ha-san. Let me make it all better."
It is the same every time. He comes into my office and moments later, the clothes come flying off. I've lost a number of ties that way...only to find them days later. Shigure's lost a yukata tie that way too. But he hardly cares. He's interested in only one thing.
And lately it doesn't even matter where we are. My office. My bedroom. The hallway. The living room couch. The kitchen floor. Over the bathroom sink. It's all the same. Passion takes over far too quickly.
Or rather...Shigure takes over.
"Have you been working out, Ha-san?"
"When do I have the time?"
"I think your arms are getting thicker. You biceps I mean."
"Honto ni? I hadn't noticed."
"*grin* Maybe it's all the workouts Ha-san gets on days like today."
"But I'm sick today Shigure. I don't feel much like working out."
"Oh don't worry. Just lean back...that's right...oh my, you really are happy to see me aren't you...! Now just relax...and let Shigure make it all better."
Why do I let him do this to me? There are a hundred reasons I suppose. We've been best friends since childhood. I've always confided in him, whether or not it was a good idea at the time. Ever. I've listened to his problems, done his homework, and taken care of his drunken ass more times than I can count.
On the other hand, he was there when Akito injured my eye. He took care of me when I had to erase Kana's memories of us. He consoled me when I was certain my life was over. That life wasn't really worth living any more. I think that's when this all began.
"Am I hurting you?"
"Iie. It's all right. A bit rough but I *blush* kind of like that."
"Sou ka? *wicked grin* Then perhaps Ha-san will like this, too."
"*moan* Oh yes."
"Shall I go faster?"
"Hai."
When our friendship started to become something more.
I've treated him like a friend and while he's done the same -- I think -- it always feels like I'm being used. I AM being used. And abused. OUCH! Those fingernails of his hurt.
But then again, I suppose I'm returning the favor.
"More?"
"What time is it?"
"*snicker* Ha-san is so insatiable."
"The time, Shigure?"
"*sigh* Close to an hour."
"I should get back to work."
"That's right. You should get back to work...on me."
"Shigure--"
"*pout* You started it, Ha-san."
"_I_ started it? If I remember correctly, YOU were the one holding back."
A whimper. "Ha-san so mean. Finish it. *whine* Onegai."
"Now who's insatiable?"
It's moments like these when I re-think Shigure's feelings for me. In his own way he needs me as much as I need him. It's rare that he gives up control of the moment to me, but then, he's had his fun. Our lovemaking takes a much slower, more leisurely pace.
Well, perhaps it shouldn't be called lovemaking.
While our touches are more tender, our sighs lighter and our moans louder, it's just sex. Even I can't bring myself to call it lovemaking. Not when my hands coax his half flaccid member back to life. Not when I roll his heavy sack between my fingers. Not when our lips burn with our kisses. Not even when he rolls onto his stomach, onto his hands and knees and asks - no, he BEGS -- me to take him.
I do as I'm told, shoving my engorged sex into his anus. He's tighter than I remember, but then it has been a while. A smirk crosses my lips as I hear him gasp, but it's quickly gone, replaced by my own gasps. We begin the same erotic dance as before, only with the positions flipped.
As orgasm approaches, I allow myself to feel. Feel his muscles around tighten around my length. Feel the heat of his body as it pours into the air. I allow myself to feel all those things I don't think he feels for me. I could ask him. I could! But it would totally spoil the moment. As I pull away from him, collapsing onto the bed, I tell myself I'll wait for a better time.
A better moment.
"Ah, only a few minutes to spare."
"You call fifteen minutes a 'few'?"
"Hai! *content sigh* Ha-san has been ruthless today."
"*chuckle* You were pretty greedy earlier, Shigure."
"Ma, ma. I'm always greedy. *yawn* I should clean up before I head back to the house."
A nod. "You can have the bathroom first."
"Arigato!"
So far, that moment has eluded me.
I straighten up what I can. The damn thing is a mess. The bed...I mean. Between both of us and the lube, the sheets won't survive. They'll smell before morning. If I wanted to torment Shigure I'd leave them on the bed. But he's not staying the night. He doesn't have to sleep in the bed, either. So, off they come.
By the time he comes out of the bathroom, wrapped in only a towel and still dripping with water -- dear gods what is my problem today! -- I'm fully dressed and ready to assist my next patient. Shigure winks at me as he walks into my room to retrieve his clothing and returns fully dressed, tying the belt of his yukata.
Then, there's the awkward silence.
"I'll see you again. Same time next week," he says to me as he head for the door.
"Shigure--?" I mutter under my breath as he turns around, curiosity in his eyes.
"Hai?"
This is my chance. My moment.
I love you, Shigure. How do you feel about me? Where is this relationship taking us? Where do we go from here? Is there anywhere TO go?
And yet, I can't get the words out of my mouth.
He looks so carefree standing in the doorway. With that happy expression and this...void...in his eyes. He's not emotionless just...good at hiding his feelings. But I don't want him to hide. I want him to tell me. I want him to open up to me. One way or another.
"Ha-san?"
I know I look perplexed when Shigure's face scrunches up into an unspoken question. With a sigh, I shake my head. "It's nothing."
He's not convinced, his eyes narrowing. "You sure? You don't look well." He smirks. "Perhaps the doctor needs some treatment."
I have to force myself not to smile and take him up on the offer. "I've had enough 'treatment' for one day, I think."
My heart screams at me. Tell him. TELL. HIM! But then I feel this fist grip my heart and squeeze it tightly. I can't. I can't tell him.
Not when I already know.
"I'll see you next week," I tell him instead.
His happy-go-lucky smile returns. Waving to me from the doorway, he steps outside and down the stairs. I watch him leave until his figure disappears down the path and through the front gate.
As I close the door, I realize that yes, Shigure cares for me. That yes, he's using me, mostly my body. And I realize that I'm so deeply in love with him that I can't bear to lose him. I couldn't live with myself. I've already lost so much. Does it matter if he loves me in return?
Something in my heart whispers, "yes".
The logic in my brain distinctly states, "no".
My body...my soul...agree with my brain.
And my heart...my poor heart...always loses the battle.
Shigure...daiski yo.
~OWARI~