BETTER OFF ALONE
A Fruits Basket Fanfic
Written by Miyu, Vampire Princess
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
The finale! There are no spoilers in this chapter because; well I haven't seen
Chapter 92 yet. This is all my overactive imagination. Non-lemon. Told from
Kyoko's POV. I hope you will enjoy.
Chapter 4 - What will be
I thought I was on top of the world.
Katsuya had asked me to marry him. We started planning immediately, although I was still adamant about going to High School. I had to at least try. Katsuya, thankfully, understood. I had to do this for me. For us.
I had managed to find a school willing to give me an entrance exam at a late date. The test was difficult, and took way too much time out of a day. Still, I managed to pass, finishing with record numbers (at least for me). I was accepted into Takichou High and worked hard to earn enough money to pay for tuition. Katsuya offered to pay half. His father offered to pay the whole thing. But I turned them both down. I appreciated their support, but I wanted to do this on my own.
I would've made my father proud. Finally. But I didn't have to worry about him. I kept in touch with my mother, though. We never had much to say, but it felt...good...having someone to talk to. She invited Katsuya and I over for tea one Saturday afternoon while dad was out of town on business. I think she was happy for me, even if she did have my things packed and waiting for me when we arrived.
I started school in the Spring, paying the tuition myself. I actually studied, although not as hard as I probably could. My grades were good. I made friends. And I was still able to work my part-time twice a week after school (although I usually worked more).
It felt good to come home every day and help Katsuya's father prepare dinner. We stayed with him until Katsuya could afford a place for the two of us. After that happened, I came home every day to prepare dinner for the two of us. I was still learning all the domestication aspects of a relationship -- and my cooking wasn't nearly as good as Katsuya's -- but I did my best.
Life was good.
So then why, after one phone call, did it feel like it was going to fall apart?!
"Kyoko?"
I had sworn I wouldn't let him see me cry. Hadn't I cried enough all ready? I bunched myself into a little ball at the end of the couch, and wept.
When Katsuya had returned home and found me in that same position, he asked me what was wrong. I just shook my head. Nothing was wrong, I told him. Everything was fine.
Then he listened to the answering machine.
"Katsunuma-san? This is Doctor Kinouchi. I finished those tests today and I'm happy to say that you're going to be a mother. Congratulations. IF you have any questions, please call me. Thank you."
Hearing the message again only made me cry harder.
Once. That's all. Katsuya and I had only slept together once. It was a slip of judgement on both our parts really, but I blamed myself.
And I waited for him to blame me too.
"Kyoko," he said softly, curling up next to me. I felt his hands on my shoulders, his arms moving around my body. "Kyoko, it's all right. It's not the end of the world."
It was for me. I was nearly done with my first year of high school. I'd be able to finish it out before anyone could guess I was pregnant. But going back...that was another story. They'd never accept me. Never. It broke my heart. This one thing I wanted so badly...destroyed with a single phone call.
"We'll make it work. You'll see." He hugged me tightly. "Everything will be okay."
We moved up the wedding. Really moved it up. Two years moving it up. We had planned to have a big ceremony after I graduated from High school. But now there was no big ceremony. No fancy clothes. We simply walked down to the office, signed a piece of paper and had it stamped official. When we left the office, nothing seemed changed, yet, everything was.
Katsuya offered to hire a tutor, or tutor me himself, so that I could go back to school after the baby was born. I gave it some serious thought. But, in the end, I decided that going back to school wouldn't change much. I had to look forward, not backward. I had to take care of him. Take care of the baby. I suddenly felt like I had more important priorities.
And he stood by me. By all my decisions.
Even when I declared I was going to look for a job.
Easier said than done, that one. Office jobs were difficult to come by and based on my level of education, I was guaranteed to stay in the lower ranks. I waited tables at a restaurant for a few months, then worked as a clerk in retail store. The store was much better about my pregnancy than the restaurant, but the atmosphere was so different. Suffocating. Strict. While my life was changing, it hadn't changed THAT much. I ended up getting fired two weeks before I went into labor.
I tell you if a woman can survive childbirth, she can survive most anything in life. I sat, strapped to a bed and heavily sedated for a good thirteen hours before I gave that final push and heard that first wail of a newborn. If life had been good before, it was great now. I felt nothing but total elation as Katsuya kissed my forehead. I felt absolute love when they placed the small bundle of a girl in my arms. She was so small, only a few days ahead of schedule. But she was healthy...and happy. Boy did she love to smile.
Katsuya's father stopped by the house almost every day after we brought Tohru home. The two-bedroom place seemed much smaller now that we had a baby, but it was still home. And Katsuya's father kept bringing more things to fill it with. He loved our little girl, loved talking to her and spending time with her. I think Katsuya was the perfect father for her, too. I loved watching them play together.
Imagine my surprise when my mother showed up one Sunday morning. With my father no less. Katsuya had been called into work earlier that morning and had left me alone with one-month-old Tohru. I was expecting Katsuya's father, and answered the door readily. It felt strange, confronting them for the first time since they'd kicked me out.
"Hello," I said.
"We're here to see our granddaughter," my father stated.
"I am no longer your daughter. You have no granddaughter."
"Don't be such a child," my father retorted.
"I am NOT a child," I practically yelled. "And I'm certainly not yours. You've made that clear."
"Kyoko, you've grown up so much," my mother said, but my father cut her off.
"She's done nothing but caused problems for other people. Getting married at her age! Having a baby!"
I lifted my chin. They were on my turf. I could handle this. "I think you should leave."
My father grew red-faced. "Not until --!"
"Kyoko, is there a problem dear?"
Katsuya's father to the rescue. Bless the man. His timing was perfect. He managed to calm my father and urged me to invite them inside. I offered to make tea, but they declined. My parents did get to see Tohru, but neither of them held her. They left as quickly as they came after that.
Thankfully, they haven't come back.
Even after I got the news....
It was the night of Tohru's third birthday. We had planned to have a party for just the three us -- Tohru, Katsuya and I. Life had treated us so kindly and I was grateful that my dreams were being realized. Perhaps not in the manner I always imagined, but I wouldn't have traded a moment.
Katsuya called from the train station saying he'd be late. He was preparing to board the final train back into town. Another hour and he'd be home.
I was so looking forward to seeing him again. To spending one more night with him. He'd been gone for nearly three days, away on business. I know he was looking forward to coming home. We'd talked on the phone every night for at least an hour. The way we acted sometimes, most people would think we're still on our honeymoon.
Funny, because we never did have a honeymoon.
But we were planning a trip. For all three of us. And Katsuya had said he'd acquired all the reservations save for the plane tickets.
I was so excited. So overwhelmed with joy. I guess that's why I was so surprised when I got that call.
"Mrs. Honda, I'm sorry to inform you that your husband is dead...."
I'm sure I didn't hear a single word that was said after that.
I went into a massive depression.
My old ways of thinking began to return. I believed I was better off alone. Why would I deserve any better if the gods thought it best to take him from me? I should've been alone. What good could I possibly serve?!
But...I wasn't alone.
I had Tohru.
She was my sanity. My saving grace. The day she took my hand and walked with me away from your grave, Katsuya, I swore I would be the best mother I could be. I owed it to her. I didn't want her to live as I had. With uncaring parents. Wondering if she'd ever be good enough. Wanting to be alone. I swore she would be loved. She would be wanted. And she would always be good enough.
Am I doing a good job, Katsuya? Only you can tell me.
I'm not sure why I decided to sit down and right this down now. Now, three years after you've gone. I miss you, Katsuya. I miss you lots. Little Tohru misses you, too. Oh, she's grown so much! She starts school tomorrow. We both miss you.
Everything will be okay. You'll see....
"Tohru, why are you crying?"
Tohru quickly closed the book she'd been reading. It had been a gift from her grandfather. She hid it, afraid of what they might think if they read it.
Her mother's journal.
"Ah, nothing Shigure," she said quickly, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. "What time is it? Oh dear!" She stood from the couch and started towards the kitchen. "I should've started dinner half an hour ago."
"There's no rush, Tohru," he replied, obviously confused, but he didn't press the matter. "It's still early. Say, why don't I take you out for dinner?"
"Honto ni?"
"Hai. It's been a while since I've been able to treat my wife to a nice meal. How about it?"
"All right," Tohru replied. "I'll just go upstairs and change into something more...presentable."
"Do you need any help?"
"No, no. I'm all right."
Insistent, Shigure walked behind her over to the stairs. "Really Tohru, let me--!"
"Shigure, I'm only five months pregnant." She smiled, taking the first two steps, she leaned forward and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Ask me that again in about two months."
He sighed, his head bowed, beaten. Yet he managed a smile. "All right. Hurry back."
"I will," she said.
Hurrying as best as she could, she waddled up the steps and into what was once her room. Now she shared it with Shigure. It was their room. Stepping over to her nightstand, Tohru placed her mother's journal in the bottom drawer, beneath a yellow ribbon and a red baseball cap. With a sigh, she closed the drawer whispering:
"Everything is all right, mother. Everything is...perfect."
~OWARI~