BETTER OFF ALONE
A Fruits Basket Fanfic
Written by Miyu, Vampire Princess
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
On the heels of Hana To Yume, Fruits Basket chapter 90, is my take on how
Tohru's parents -- Kyoko and Katsuya -- met and fell in love. Frighteningly I
must've been channeling Takaya-sensei when I thought of this because my original
idea wasn't too far off from her story. *scary* This particular chapter is told
from Kyoko's POV. SPOILERS are included in this chapter.
Chapter 1 - The Stranger
I always told myself that I was better off alone. Sure I had dreams. I wanted someone to care about me, someone to care about in return. I had dreamed about being married, having a family...and doing everything right from the start. No way was I going to emulate my family. The father who always put me down. The mother who only cared about appearances.
But I fell in with the wrong crowds. Got kicked out of my parent's house on more than one occasion. Lost people I thought were my friends. Became angry with the world. Fed up with life.
And my dreams...they disappeared.
I had pretty much given up. Living on the streets I became hardened. Coarse. Violence was a way of life. I learned to fight. To defend myself. I lied, cheated and stole. I wasn't proud of my life...but it was the only one I had. The only life I thought I was worthy of. I had no one to tell me any different.
"What are you so angry about?"
Then...I met him.
Katsuya Honda.
I'll never forget that day. It was just...crazy. I'm in trouble for disrupting class, and a student teacher practically drags me away from school. I'd never met the guy before. I had no reason to go with him. I mean, who in their right mind invites a total stranger to go out with them?
Who in their right mind AGREES to go out with them?!
Yes, I agreed to it. Silently, but I agreed. And it wasn't bad. I mean, he didn't attack me or anything. He escorted me to the nearest noodle stand. With a smile.
We talked...about this and that. It felt...almost relieving...to tell him some of the aspects of my life. To tell him that my parents were fucked up. Tell him about life in the gangs, on the street. He listened so intently, it was almost funny. But he took me seriously. No judgement was passed. No lecture given.
"You want them to listen. To understand."
I think...he understood me. At the time I found the thought ludacris. He was just a stranger. A student teacher who probably had nothing better to do. Maybe he did it just to be nice. Or...just maybe...he actually cared. HA! Psycho! Maybe he should've been a counselor instead of a teacher.
I thanked him for the meal, off-handedly really, but at least I did it. The food was good, so there's a plus. And he didn't put the moves on me like some of those other guys. So he paid for the meal. Even if he had been expecting soemthing in return he wouldn't have gotten it. I may be bad, I may have a death wish most days, but I do have some pride.
I made my way back to the place I called home, thinking. I hated thinking. It hurt my head. But this...it hurt more than my head. It pulled at my heart.
Maybe I could have my dreams.
Maybe I could have the life I wanted.
Maybe...there was someone out there for me to love.
Maybe they'd love me back.
I cursed. I lashed out. All in the hopes of getting these silly little thoughts of my head. And in the end, I cried. For the first time in years, I let go. I thought I had my life sorted out. I thought I had gotten all the world had left to offer a wretch like me. I thought everything would be so simple. Cut and dry. Black and white.
But not any more. Oh, no. In one afternoon, in a few short hours, it had all changed.
I was better off alone. There was no pain. No tears. Very little blood. Alone I was safe.
Gods, how my head hurt!
I avoided school like the plague for two full weeks. Of course I got into more trouble than I was really worth, but then I was trying to distract myself. As the days ticked by I grew more and more miserable. I became disgusted with myself. I found that I WANTED to be in class. Not for the sake of class itself. Not for the sake of learning. But to see him.
So, with nothing else left to do, I went back to school. It was the same old song and dance. The teachers were immediately on my case. Even the principal lectured me about good values and such. If I hadn't been in the room with my parents, I probably would have laughed out oud. When it was all over, I went back to class and took my seat. At least I hadn't been expelled, not yet anyway.
But there was no student teacher.
I searched the school grounds at lunch, talked to a few people. Katsuya had been there the week before. No one knew what had happened. Perhaps he had simply taken the day off. I mean, he did take off with me just a few weeks before. And even he admitted he was unmotivated.
Had he asked out another student?
Had he been fired?
I had actually hoped for the latter as opposed to the former. I'm not sure why, but the thought actually made me feel jealous. And in my little green rage, I skipped all my afternoon classes. I sat on the bridge crossing the river instead. Thinking. Thinking how nice it would be to go swimming. How cool the water would feel against my skin.
How broken my body would be against the rocks if I threw myself from the bridge.
"I wish everything -- everyone -- would just disappear."
"Even me?"
"Everyone," I muttered to the imaginary voice in my head.. "I'm so tired of--NANI?!"
Strong arms wrapped around me, lifted me from under my arms. I was pulled back away from the edge of the bridge. I felt a moment of panic before I heard a familiar voice say, "I'd be more comfortable if you'd be tired right here, instead."
"Let go!"
I struggled to pull away, but then the other person let go and I felt myself moving forward. Towards the edge. I could see the river below. See the water rushing across the rocks.
And in that instant, I felt fear. Terrifying, horrifying fear. My heart
stopped and I closed my eyes.
~TO BE CONTINUED~