THE EPIC SAGA
PART III: A TRAITOR AMONG "I"
It was mid-December, so frigidly cold outside, that a cup of boiling water thrown into the air would instantaneously transform into snow. I was sitting in his room, looking out into the snowcapped hills, pondering over the small ice crystals forming on his window. It had occurred to him, that perhaps the beginning of this journey had just began to begin. Actually, many things had happened over the course of time that this journey has commenced. But had he really found the deep-rooted seed of the evil that he was about to endure? This troubled I. He got up, and went to the kitchen, to pour himself a cup of tea, all the while engaged in deep thought about upcoming chaos. As the heat radiating from his brewing pot touched his cold skin, it greatly contrasted the cold of the night. Just as the contrast is between good and evil. Evil...like that big mini-monkey! And just then, without a moment's notice, the tea, already bubbling from the heat, slowly began to bubble more and more, until it was a thick foam, which formed the shape of the evil eye. "YOUUUU!!!!" the eye in the tea screamed. And suddenly, I was sucked into the teacup, and into another dimension. You see, I's been sucked into other dimensions before, so this did not shock I like it previously had. He looked around, and saw that he was actually standing on something like a basketball court, floating in a purple sky, with odd, skeleton shaped clouds surrounding the court. However, the scary thing was...this court had no baskets. Out of the corner of I's eye, I spotted a tiny dot in the sky that got bigger and bigger, and progressively more monkey shaped. It flew towards the court at an astonishing speed, until it landed, and formed a very familiar face. And then I screamed out in shock, "MARTHA STEWART?!?!" And then her booming voice sounded, "OOPS, WRONG FAMILIAR FACE." She looked embarrassed for a moment, then transformed into none other, than the big mini-monkey. "I have summoned you here on competitive terms." said the big mini-monkey, "We are here to end the dispute that started, ohhh so long ago." Said the big mini-monkey. "What? You mean the one in the last part?" I said, "That was only 10 minutes ago." "Yeah, but, ummm" said the big mini monkey, "Shut up, let us squall. We will decide the victor, through a simple game of Knotty Bodies." "Isn't that a generic brand of Twister?" I said. "Shut up, we don't have the rights to that name!" Said the big mini-monkey.
Their eyes then became little slitty thingies, common to most Japanese movies, and they put their hands up in a menacing way. They then began, ya know, to go around in circles. After they stopped, a big colorful sheet with a whole bunch of colored triangles whooshed into the court, and stopped before them. Then, they heard a very high pitched voice from somewhere in the clouds above, say, "Knotty Bodies, the hot triangle," and then the Easter bunny flew down from one of the clouds, with a little spin card, and said, "LET THE KNOTTING BEGIN!" in a British accent.
And so, in a triumphant placement of his finger, the British version of the Easter Bunny spun the little card thingy. There was a moment of silence. "RIGHT NOSE GREEN!" said the Easter Bunny. The big mini monkey then, with his awesome miniature-large powers, split his nose into two halves, right on his very face. He then put the right half of his nose, on a green triangle. "OH YEAH, OH YEAH!!" chanted the Easter Bunny. "Call the next one already," said I. In another triumphant placement of his British finger, the Bunny spun the card, and announced, "Left human hand RED." Naturally, being a not human, but indeed monkey, the big mini monkey was unable to accomplish this feat. "Oh yeah! Oh yeah!" chanted the Easter Bunny, once again. The big mini monkey and I glared at one another, as the Easter Bunny announced that the game was a draw. The big mini monkey screamed, in his girly voice, "CURSES!! WE MUST COMPETE IN YET ANOTHER GENERIC BRAND GAME!"
Just then, the sheet of triangles, along with the bunny's little spinny card, folded up, and flew back to the clouds. Then descending in a golden chariot came the next generic brand game. It landed in front of them, and the high pitched voice of the clouds chimed, "Crocodilian Golf, WHAT COULD BE GREATER THAN PLAYING A GAME OF GOLF WITH A CROCODILIAN?" The lid of the box flew off, and everything magically set up. The golfball, the putters, the crocodilian, ya know. The Easter Bunny began an insane frolic around the court. "Oh, Oh, I love Pasghetti!" He said. "NOOOOO!!!" screamed I, "PASTA SURPRISE IS WAY BETTER!!" Both the big mini monkey and I picked up their putters and stared at the crocodilian, waiting for their starting sign from the Bunny. The bunny quickly pulled out one of those little corky pop gun thingies, and screamed, "GO!" I closely eyed the crocodilian's large mouth, that opened and closed, and moved all about, then, he lightly tapped the golf ball. It rolled. It missed. The big mini monkey laughed, as he set up to try at the crocodilian's mouth himself. He, too, tapped the ball, and it rolled across the court. It ALSO missed. It was once again, I's turn. If I made it, and the big mini monkey didn't (which he probably wouldn't anyway) then I would win. I eyed the mouth, and tapped the ball. This time, I's aim remained true, and the ball slowly rolled into the mouth. He had triumphed. No wait, the big mini monkey still has his turn "FEAR NOT!!" screamed the big mini-monkey, "I STILL HAVE AN ACE UP MY SLEEVE!! And it is KILLING me!!" Then he pulled it out of his sleeve. "NOW, down to BUSINESS!" said the big mini-monkey, "LET THE DUELING BEGIN, AGAIN- AGAIN!" And he stepped forth with his mighty...stepping...feet, and triumphantly placed his putter down before the ball. He wiggled his butt around a little bit, and then, tested the straightness of his club. He then dawned his mighty plaid golfing shorts, oh, yeah, and the little hat thingy with the little poofy ball on top, while also enforcing other strange golf rituals, common to most golf competitions. He licked his hairy monkey finger, and held it up high, testing the direction of the wind the he wiggled his butt again. He then said "Tut, tut, it looks like rain," and he frolicked around happily like Christopher-Robin. He concentrated on the ball, and slowly raised his putter, ever so slowly -57 and � years later- he's still raising his putter then he BROUGHT IT DOWN WITH A FORCE LIKE NO OTHER...FORCE. The ball flew across the course, and hit the Easter Bunny in the forehead. The bunny then heard little tweety noises, as of birds flying around his head, along with little stars, he then said, "mmm...pasghetti" and with that, he fell to the ground, unconscious. I screamed, "NO!!! FATHERRRRR!!!" and he ran towards the British Easter Bunny. But, ya know, he sorta...slid off the edge, barely catching the end of the court with one hand, not realizing that soon, the other one would be in Italy. The big mini-monkey then walked over to the edge that I was hanging from. He began to laugh, and said, "I, I am your mom's sister's best friend's son's cousin's distant relative's college roommate from '67!!" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *he stops to catch his breath* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" screamed I. "Oh, yeah," screamed the big mini-monkey, "this is not really the Easter Bunny this is but a *voice suddenly becomes loud, and echoey, like he speaking in a microphone, ya know, like in those Honda commercials* 0% APR FINANCING for the next 6 months..... my evil assistant~ MEDIUM MINI-MONKEY!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *lightning crackles*" Then I said "Then shouldn't the title of this story actually be-
THE EYE AND "I"
THE EPIC SAGA
PART III: A TRAITOR AND HIS ASSISTANT AMONG " I" ?
"Oh, yeah, well, I guess so." agreed the big mini-monkey but anyways, HEY! Where's your hand?" They all glanced down at I's absence of hand, and it was absent. *Now, we are taken to Italy, where a kind, elderly woman is eating PASTA SURPRISE*
"Yeah," said the elderly woman, to her elderly woman friend, that is also elderly, common to most places with old people in Italy, "I like pasghetti, but I have to admit, pasta surprise is way better!" She then picked up a single noodle of the pasta, twirled it around her little elderly Italian fork, and popped it into her little elderly Italian mouth. Her eyes suddenly went wide, and she began to choke, and cough. She then spit up an entire human hand. She screamed, and said " I vow to sue WHOEVER put this entire human hand in my PASTA SURPRISE!!!
THE END