THE EPIC SAGA
PART II: THE KING OF THE DAMNED
It was a bright and sunny night. I was in a deep slumber, dreaming happily of big, green celery sticks, when suddenly, a feeling of pure terror disrupted his healthy and nutritious dreams. Did I mention it was very terror like? And abruptly, the celery sticks parted, to reveal none other than a horrid, bloodshot floating eye, with an unblinking, piercing stare, which seemed to look into I�s very soul. And then, without warning, it closed, and I awoke, wildly panting, in a cold sweat. This eye continued to fill I's every thought. For days, no WEEKS, no YEARS, no wait, that's too long, how 'bout just weeks, yeah? OK! For WEEKS the mysterious eye of his dreams haunted him in day and night. "I must find the source of my troubles, and eliminate it, or I will never rest again." And that, he tried, but to no avail. And upon one final burst of effort, he stared into the mirror longingly, which, unbeknownst to him, was the key which would settle his heart. In a flash, the background dissolved into blackness, and he was transported to...heck. He looked around him and saw nothing but ostriches, no wait, no, those were flames I think, but anyways, he saw all of the little goblins and things that are common to most...heck...orientated areas. A booming voice sounded, "DOCTOR RODRIGUEZ, PLEASE REPORT TO ROOM 666 FOR SURGERY, AND I-"
I paused for a moment and yelled, "ME?!?!" "YESSSS...YOU, MR. FLUFFY-FRILLIES WANTS TO SEE YOU," said the booming voice.
"WHO??" yelled I.
"YA KNOW, LUCIPHER, SATAN, THE DEVIL, WHATEVER YA WANT."
"Oh goodness gracious me, my nail polish is flaking off. WHATEVER am I to DO?"
Only, this time, the big mini-monkey did not care to help I with his womanly problems. He was left all alone, with his nail polish flaking off.
Then, he set off into the fiery depths of...heck... to find Lucipher, Satan, the devil, or whatever ya want. He walked for a long time, and he checked many layout directories, but he had no luck in finding the desired room. Then, as if his luck was changing, he took notice of a nearby customer assistance button on the wall, right near a door that said, "MR. LUCIPHER, SATAN, THE DEVIL, WHATEVER YA WANT," on it. Within the very same moment, a small demon creature was by his side, ready to assist him. "WHAT CAN I DO YA FOR?" said the creature.
"I'm looking for the office of Mr. Lucipher, Satan, the devil, whatever ya want."
Just then, the little demon creature told I that the office was directly to the left of the customer assistance button. I blushed and entered.
As I looked ahead, I saw a neatly organized desk, with one of those big cushiony chairs, turned around backwards, facing a large window. Suddenly, in a large menacing voice, the person... or thing in the chair said, "Mr. I, I've been expecting you." In the moment of tension, I looked around, and saw large pictures of a huge demonic creature, several stories high, with an evil grin full of many sharp teeth with blood dripping from their jagged points. I quickly looked back over to the chair, and the devil began to laugh. A deep, evil laugh that only got louder as time progressed. Then, the chair swiveled around to face me, and I saw a tiny little black creature, stroking a white Persian cat that was actually bigger than he was. I stared at him for a few seconds and asked, "but I saw that picture on the wall, you're huge!"
"Oh yessss.." said the devil, "That picture was taken a few years ago, before I joined �Fat-Losers�. Fat-losers help me lose over 500,000 lbs. In my first 10 minutes!"
"Oh." I was, ummm slightly disappointed. "The size really adds to the effect, ya know," pointed out I. And then I said, "Why have you brought me here?"
"I have summoned you by order of a higher being." He then gazed a FAMILIAR gaze into I�s eyes, and once more, the satanic eye flashed before him. This threw I into a state of shock, and the devil began to laugh. "YES!!" screamed the devil, "NOW YOU KNOW!" and at that, the tiny devil jumped on his desk, and mooned I, and there, on his rump, was a large tattoo of the satanic eye. As his laugh echoed through I�s mind, the devil�s telephone rang. He picked up the receiver. "Hello?" *murmers* "NO!! I am not interested in buying any of your CRAP-O-LA!!" He threw the receiver into the wall, and then continued to laugh. I quickly glanced at his watch, and sighed. �I should be watching Peyton's Place right now.� I then looked at the desk, and there I saw, the truth of what had deceived him so. A nameplate, on which were inscribed the words "MR. FLUFFY-FRILLIES." "Oh," I said "I didn't know your real name was Mr. Fluffy Frillies!" Then, the devil abruptly stopped laughing, and clenched his ears. "DON'T SAY THAT!!" he screamed.
"WHAT?" I said in a teasing, childish voice, "Mr. FLUFFY FRILLIES?!?" He screamed again, "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
"YES!! Your name is-" I then pressed the little intercom button on the devil's desk, "MR. FLUFFY FRILLIES!!" I's voice echoed through out all of...heck.
"NO!!" said Mr. Fluffy Frillies, "I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!" He then started to eat everything in sight, and grew immensely fat. "I NEED TO RENEW MY MEMBERSHIP!!!" The walls of...heck then began to crumble. Once again, the background dissolved into blackness, and in seconds, I was returned to his room. And then, the big mini-monkey appeared. "Well, well, well. You once again have triumphed. Not one moment did I ever lose faith in you, I." I glared at him then pointed at his fingernails. "Ya see THIS?!" said I, "FLAKY NAILPOLISH!!!" The big mini-monkey nervously laughed, and said "Umm...no hard feelings?" I then punched him out. The big mini-monkey began spinning around rapidly, and in a flash of whitish...flashing...ness, he disappeared, but I could hear his voice still ringing distantly in the background, "You'll pay for this, I!! You'll pay for this!"
THE END