I also feel I must reveal to you that this entire affair was quite uncharacteristic of me. At no point prior to this had I been attracted to a dog, let alone forced by God�s own hand to a state of such rock-hard, agonizing turgidity that I twice broke my left hand to help distract me from the pain. It wasn�t just the ache of my furious Italian sausage. My heart and my mind ached as well. Pornography, fantasy, onanism � I could find no respite from my longing in any of these activities, and perhaps I didn�t truly want to.
Princess Paws � hmph! It was such an undignified and dirty name for a four-legged Aphrodite! I would call her� Sandra. Sandra Michelle O�Sullivan. A name needs music. A name needs strength. I could see in her dark brown eyes that she didn�t even realize it, but I had freed her. I felt, in a way, that I had just given her rebirth; a chance at life again, as a different dog. The air was still, the sound of my heart filled my ears, and I knew it was time. It was time to slip this dog my bone.
How arrogant I had been! My assumption that she would fall immediately for my charms proved unfounded. How does one seduce a dog? My arching schlong demanded I discover the answer quickly. Could I� could I have my way with her against her will? I winced at the thought. But a part of me knew it was unavoidable. This moment, this event, needed to take place, for both of us. I took a deep breath and knew what needed to be done.
My mission was clear: I would drug this dog. I would bind some of the G.H.B. that I always carried with me with some of her delicious Pupperoni brand dog treats. The perfect crime! She would know nothing but the joy of the Pupperonis before falling to slumber, allowing me to know her Biblically. Tittering in anticipation, I readied my puppy hump-chow and tied my beloved to the refrigerator. I must admit, however, that the allure of the Pupperonis proved to be my undoing. Unable to resist their delicious, real-meat flavor anymore, I quickly fed myself a handful. The plate crashed to the floor, scattering the treats beyond either of our reach. I collapsed almost immediately, my head and shoulder banging bodily against the linoleum.
Unknowable time passed as I lay prone upon the kitchen floor. It was the fate I had wished for her; that she would enter this blissful sleep and not know of the terrible realities of the world. I wish I had slept forever. I wish I had never learned of what had transpired.
I awoke in a panic. Sandra! I called out for her twice but, remembering I hadn�t actually told her of her new name and I couldn�t bring myself to utter her old one, I quickly fell silent. Where was she!?
My eyes sunk to the floor and my heart along with them: the refrigerator had toppled over, crushing her perfectly sculpted dog-head. I howled, my soul knowing nothing but rage. I wept openly as I buried my canine bride, my untamed erection peeking curiously from my filthy, stained boxer shorts. I�m afraid the worst of my problems are yet to come. Can someone please help me find a dog that looks exactly like this:
PLEASE!!! I NEED IT BY FRIDAY!!! OR I AM IN BIG TROUBLE.