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You know, I am a man of patience. First and foremost I am a man of pride. And lately people have been testing my number one trait. I went to the store yesterday and it took no longer than (yes I counted) one minute and thirty six seconds for me to start going off on people. I had been pissed off beyond my breaking point in less than two minutes. Which brings me to my next point, when did the American population become so stupid they almost lack the ability to breathe? I repeatedly watched some asshole and his wife try to back out of a parking stall in their twenty one foot long ford truck, taking up both lanes of travel. She was trying to learn to drive a stick and kept stalling it. I understand if that was it, but this was at 2 pm. in the Wal-Mart parking lot. In the middle of lunch rush hour on a Friday. I did the only logical thing; I started discouraging her so she kept failing. Then when she kept failing I taunted her more. Until I provoked her husband out of the truck and he did the unexpected. He pulled her out of the truck, tossed her to the side, and backed the truck up himself and left her there as he drove away. He didn't leave her there because he was pissed at her, merely because he is an idiot and forgot her. He came barreling back, apologising before he even got out of the truck, and put his wife in the truck and left. I understand being distracted a little; but when you forget to leave with someone else in the vehicle, you now are on my list of idiots. And so far, I have most of North America on there. I proceed to attempt to enter the store, when I am suddenly nearly run over by a driverless vehicle. I jump out of the way and boot the fender of the truck and the owner pops his head up from under the dash, where he was trying to get his magazine from. He gets out and acts all pissed at me for shit-stomping his fender. I gave him a what for with a one-two learn how to drive shut the hell up. So he leaves and nearly takes someone else out because he was opening his soda. So I finally make it into the hell known as Wal-Mart and am instantly run into by a 13 year old moron with an obvious speech impedament. I blast him and continue about my day. I am standing waiting in line to leave and get hit from behind with a cart full of groceries being wheeled around by some asshole who can't get off his phone. So I flip the cart and all the shit in it goes everywhere. He looks at me as if he wants to cry. I say quit ruining your make up and pick that shit up, as I turn and leave the wretch picking up some pringles. So I proceed to walk to my truck, where I find some asshole parked 3 inches from my door. I check for scratches and find none, so I flatten his tire and JB Weld his door. Just for driving a Mercedes and parking it that close to me. What an asshole. The moral of this story? Don't piss me off, or anyone else. Because someday you might piss someone off and I might just have been wearing a hat that day. I am everywhere, never forget it. |
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