| One of eight children born to parents that never should have been togather At this time in my life I can look back and understand where so much pain and anger stems from I grew up pretty much on my own without the love And support of a steady home and family My dad,an alcoholic was very mean & my mother was over loaded with kids she didn't want and a man she hated A bad combination at the very least The first abuse I remember was at the age of four At the mercy of my dads barber When I was five years old the state took us away and put all of us in a state home One brother and I stayed there for five years We walked to school in lines and back the same way we worked in the homes garden pulling weeds and picking vegatables I remember one time my brother and I were caught eating a cucumber we were taken to the basement and whipped with a razor belt I had to sleep in a crib and I wet the bed everynight I would have to wash my sheet only to wet it again the next night there are many things about the home that I will not reveal at least not now Two brothers were old enough to be on thier own the others were sent to fosterhomes My youngest sister only 9mo.old and youngest brother 2 years were taken away with only a goodbye We didn't get to see them very often It was a mean place complete with bars on the windows high fences and lockup if you were bad Although I was not in lockup,my sister and brother were before sis was sent to foster home At the age of ten we were given back to my dad because he had stopped drinking From there my life took many twists and turns including abuses of all kinds School was auful I went to meny different ones I had no friends & Learning was very hard for me I felt stupid and didn't understand math at all Some teachers tried to help but soon they gave up and passed me on The kids either didn't like me or were afraid of me because they did not understand why I was not like them I was sad! I looked sad I acted sad, I was sad! I didn't even like me As a teenager I was allways told that I was pretty, but I didn't feel pretty I didn't feel inside what others seen on the outside I would look at others and wonder how they could be so light hearted so happy The only thing I felt was an overwhelming wish that my life were over I allways knew I was different,but I didn't know why At age twenty four I was hospitlized & diagnosed with a chemical Imbalance major depression At the time I was Married to the love of my life and had a 2 year old wonderful son Every reason to be happy but still was not This only confused me more The first thing the doctor in the hospital told me is that I was not crazy,and that was a huge relief After 5 weeks I was released still very shakey but at least I now understood I have had many episodes since then and continue to battle this disease I will be on meds for the rest of my life (not a bad thing) at least it lets me be somewhat normal LADY BLEU |
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| Devoted to Selfesteam If you want to join click here http://devoted.to/SelfesteemCampaign |
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| I AM A SURVIVER |
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