broken, bent and spent,
pieces of me are scattered
like a puzzle
the jagged edges interlocking only
when the right pieces
are found

my mind is overactive
with the thoughts of yesterday
and the memories of tomorrow
sleeping is no longer an escape
rather an unattainable luxury
for bumps in the night of the mind
always seem to wake me

so this is life,
this is what it's like to live
in a grownup world
full of never ending demands
this is what it's like
to hold my own hand
to dry my own tears
to cut myself, and bleed
bleed every emotion so carefully crafted
inside of me
then to bandage my own wounds
and bear the scars upon my skin
like a permanent purple heart
Oh! I'm so strong and brave!

drops of crimson
never looked so lovely
as those that lay upon a lonely soul
one once purely innocent

I inject myself with the drugs of this existence
feeling them seep through my veins
waiting for the numbness
to settle in,
waiting to drift into the surreal
like an ice cube
placed on the mind's eye
freezing all senses and thoughts
until the thawing begins
I look for my escape on every corner
through every needle
only to find
I am just as lost, as broken, when the high is over
as I was before it began

I just don't want to feel anymore
for one second in one day
I don't want to feel
the power of love
or its loss
the flood of overwhelming emotions
for one second in life
just take them away
for just one moment in time
let me expect nothing
and give even less
then fill the void
with a calmness I've never known

the monsters under my bed, they lurk,
the skeletons in the closet
rattle loudly in my ears
the ghosts of the past
continue their haunts
yet some spirit seems to beckon a release

I reach out
only to find no one is there
just take me back to the fairy tales of my childhood
where they all lived
happily ever after

The dream is sometimes better
Than the reality.

~Tracie Anne - August 31, 2001~

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