I have friends who "hang out" when it's conveinent for them, or when they need me or my hospitality. Well guess what... you got it. So bye.
I have friends who are two-faced and hypocrites and very judgemental, or don't know how to mind their business even though i still confide in them, but just for advice. That doesn't mean go behind my back and do something when I'm not there and I can't here the accusations and the shit being made up. Grow up.
I have tons of friends who use me. If it be for alcohol, a place to live, to get free things, gifts, or even heat, a t.v., microwave and money, yet walk all over me. Well guess what... fuck all of you. And I do appologize if I've left any other assholes out of my "friend" point of view thesis. Also, stop judging me and putting me down and making me feel even shittier, fuckers.
Next, we move on to family. Now everyone has a different kind of family life, but mine's the worst. I have family members who think that I have made up a terrible tragedy that happened to me, which now makes me question who I really am. I have the family members who did the tragedy to me. Can I just say, it's all about trust and love, people. So please, do it. Love me. Show me you do.
Lastly, we move on to lovers. I have been burned and scared for life by many of you. Never mold me into something I'm not. Give me back my heart. I'd like to give it to someone else. Respect me. All of me. Especially my decisions. I'll learn from my own mistakes. And I have made plently, so let me learn. I'm independant. I'd like to teach myself. i'm not that bad of a person. Do not judge me or my feelings. I don't know who I really am right now. I'm still soul searching. Let ME find myself. Give me space if or when I need it. I f I choose my real friends over you, that's because they were here first and will always be there for me. The real one's, I express again. Also, respect that I hang out with a lot of guys. And yes, some are ex's. But doesn't that make you feel somewhat good that if anything happens to us, we can still be mature about it and be freinds? Also, repect and understand that I'm still inlove with someone else... I think. And if I am, it won't be for long.
After reading this, you can plainly see why I have tried to kill myself so many times. I let people do what they want to me. Even walk all over me. We'll see who wins in the long run, because if I try again, and suceed, you'll know why I lived a painful life and why I had to end it.
THANK YOU.
* This is dedicated to the friends, family, and past lovers, who are not mentioned in here. Because you weren't mentioned and that sould make you feel special!
4/10/02