The Play is the Thing, part 1

By FireFly

Okay, for those of you don't know what the Phantom Of The Opera is, get out more. You are very culturally deprived. This story came about in my little head when I was reading "The Episode From Hell" by She-Ronin (if you haven't read it, do. It's really funny.) and listening to The Phantom Of The Opera. Now I've probably bored you to death by now, so on with the story.

Disclaimer: Alright, I don't own anything except all the sick little thoughts that are rolling around inside of my head (Although, I don't think that anyone would want them). Please don't sue me, my sad excuse for a pay check couldn't even cover a lawyer.

P.S. Just a warning, I'll be adding in my 2 cents worth every so often. And so will my friend Angel Star.

Dais: Like she can keep her mouth shut for more than 2 seconds.

FireFly: Shut up! Nobody asked you! WHACK! (Hits Dais over the head with a mallet.)

The Play is the Thing, part 1

(All Ronin Warriors Characters gathered on a stage of a large concert hall. The Director is checking to see if everyone is there.)

Director/FireFly: Cool, everyone actually showed up. (under breath) Like they really had a choice in the matter. (out loud) Alright, Everyone's here. Now you're probably wondering why I dra... I mean asked you here.

Kale: Well, yeah.

FireFly: I'll continue. Your series has selected to participate in a production of the Phantom Of The Opera.

Sye: {FF: Yes, I spell it that way.} Why the Phantom Of The Opera?

FireFly: Because it's my favorite. Gotta a problem with that? (raises fist)

Sye: (backing away) No.

FireFly: Good. Now Rowen will be handing out the scripts. (Rowen/Director's assistant begins to hand out scripts after checking a clipboard and the script) On the first page of every script is a list of characters. The character you will be playing is high-lighted in green. Now, not.....

Sage: (from somewhere in the back) Cool! I get to be the Phantom.

FireFly: May I continue, please?

Sage: Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

FireFly: Thank you. Now as I was saying, not all of you will be receiving a script. You will either be a stagehand, or an extra, or both. We will have the show in 4 weeks from tomorrow. Any questions?

Ryo: (raises hand) Yeah, I do. What's White Blaze going to do?

FireFly: (clueless look on face) Uh...

Rowen: I think we can use another stagehand. (to FireFly) Alright with you?

FireFly: Sure, write it in. (Rowen writes something down on his clipboard)

Saranbo: (very ticked) You cast me as a woman. I almost conquered the world,{AS: The keyword here is almost.} and you cast me as a WOMAN!!!!!

FireFly: Newsflash, you didn't conquer the world.{FF: Thank god}

Sage: Ha ha. I get to be the Phantom. {AS: I'm going to have to slap if he starts dancing.}

Ryo: I've seen this before, you do know that you don't get the girl, right, Sage?

Sage: What?!? (flipping through script) [Last page of script- Phantom disappears, never to be seen again.] What the hell is this? (holds up script)

FireFly: A script. What does it look like, a cheese sandwich?

Kento: Mmmm. Cheese sandwich.

FireFly: (hits Kento on the back of the head) Shut up, Homer.

Kento: Homer?

FireFly: Talk about culturally deprived. {FF: Oh yeah. AS: Here, here.}

Sage: I'm the star of the show, I should get the girl....

FireFly: Shut up, Sage. Christine ends up with Raoul.

Ryo: (checks script) Woo-hoo! That's me. Who's Christine?

Mia: (raises hand) That would be me.

(Ryo turns BEET red. All the guys snicker)

Sye: Hey, isn't there a kissing scene between those two?

Kento: (flips through script) Yeah, and one with Sage too.

Sage: (Sprays breath-spray in his mouth) Hey, Mia, wanna practice that now? {AS: Please let me slap him, FireFly. FF: NO. AS pouts}

Mia: I think I'm going be sick.

FireFly: You and me both, Mia.{AS: I think I'll be spending that scene in the bathroom. FF: As you can see, Sage isn't one of our favorite characters.} (turns to Dais) Take him outside and hose him down. He needs to cool off.

(Anubis and Yuli come up to FireFly, very peeved)

Anubis: (angrily) What is the meaning of this? Why have you cast me as a female?

FireFly: Have you looked in the mirror lately?{FF: Anubis fans, don't kill. It was either him or Dais. Anubis lost the coin toss, and besides, I can't see a woman with an eye patch, can you?}

Anubis: (glares) You'll be hearing form my lawyer.{AS: He knows what a lawyer is? FF: He's been the mortal world long enough to know by now.}

FireFly: Good luck, bucko. You signed a contract.

(Anubis storms off. Yuli comes closer to FireFly)

Yuli: Well, why am I a girl?

FireFly: (annoyed) Because I don't like you, brat.

Yuli: MIA!!!

Mia: Yuli, whatever it is, I don't care. {FF: As you can tell, Yuli isn't my favorite character. AS: Gee , I can't imagine who your favorite is. FF glares. AS smiles back innocently.}

FireFly: (grabs Yuli) Shut up! Now, get your ass to costume and get your wig. (shoves him off the stage) {AS: How 'bout Sherly Temple curls. FF: Now presenting Sherly Temple, ladies and gentlemen.}

Rowen: (comes up to FireFly) You really shouldn't do that. He's just a kid.

FireFly: Do you really think I care? I hate that kid. He's so annoying. {AS: You're going to make such a great mother. FF: You know I don't like kids. AS: I know. Smirks.}

Rowen: That still doesn't make it right.{AS: Author's pet. AS dodges arrow.}

FireFly: Hey, this is my play. I have a right to do whatever the hell I please.

(everyone stares at FireFly)

FireFly: I'm not paying you to stand around and stare.

Sekhmet: You're not paying us period.

FireFly: Shut up. {AS: I'm sensing a union forming here. FF: Can't. They signed a contract. AS: Oh, did they? FF: Yep. FF slams down giant contract in front AS. FF: Page 158, paragraph 4, sub-section B. AS flips through contract, reads out loud: Under no circumstances is there to be a union at risk of.... what's that word? FF whispers in AS's ear. AS: You're evil. FF: I know. *AN: No, you're never going to find out. Heh heh heh.}

(Curtain drops. FireFly looks up)

FireFly: WHITE BLAZE!!!!

(tiger hides behind paws and groans slightly)

Rowen: (writes something on his clip board) We're going to need a lot of practice.

~End part 1~

Okay folks, that's all for now. Please E-mail all flames, comments, and charges of lunacy to: [email protected]. Oh, and also, don't expect another part out for a while. I'm kinda of a slacker, plus I have a job and school to do. But I will try my best to get the next part out to you people, who actually read this, as soon as my sorry ass can get some work done. Well, that's all I have to say. Bye for now.