All this week I have felt like I was losing my mind.... I was forgetting everything and doing dumb things.... I thought it was just what I have come to call "Pregnancy Brain", but as the week unfolded, I began to realize it was more...... I am so distracted and I know it is because I am quickly approaching that dreaded 26 week mark..... The scariest part of it all, is that a lot of the events of the week are exactly things that were going on in my pregnancy with Faith.
I locked myself out of the house on Monday on my way to leave for work, same as I did with Faith. I forgot to pay the Rent!!!, same as I did with Faith. My parents will be in Florida fo 2 weeks on vacation starting this weekend.... They go once or twice a year.... last year they drove down on a Sunday, had a 1 day vacation on Monday, and on Tuesday I had to call them with the devestating news about Faith. After just having driven 21 hours there the day before... they made the 21 hour journey back home to be with me in the hospital........just the thought of them being in Florida around this point in my pregnancy is sending chills up my spine and making the fearful tears fall.
Maybe it is all in my mind, but it is so unsettling to have history repeating these little events, especially now.... I feel as if there is this force playing mind games with me to see if I really can get through this!
As if all of that wasn't enough....I was getting the mail one day and there was this magazine from a formula company. Big title on the front "Your 4 Month Old"......and a picture of a beautiful 4 month old baby girl.... OK... this is just cruel and unusual punishment!! I immediately called them up and told them I wanted off their list.... and never to send me anything else!
There were some good milestones this week..... we were at the store and there was a sale on some baby clothes.... we actually bought 3 outfits for our baby girl!!!! Our first real purchase.... they are so cute I keep staring at them.....we also ordered a neutral take me home outfit for the hospital for "just in case"......
The baby has also been moving pretty well, I find that we have been checking the heartbeat almost every night this week....last night I was checking and WHAM!! She kicked right where the doppler was.... she almost took my breath away it was so hard!!! It took me a minute or 2 to recover from that one!
Maybe she is just trying to tell me... "Hey Mom! I'm here and we're gonna be ok!!" |
