GOING DOWN THE ROAD PT.2
-At Degrassi, Spike is doing Caitlin�s hair for the
movie-
Spike: So your big screen d�but huh? Are you nervous? You seem a
little nervous.
Caitlin: It�s normal when you�re planning a wedding
right??
Spike: What?!
Caitlin: I asked Joey to marry me and he
said yes.
Spike: Congratulations! That is so amazing!! *They
hug*
Kevin: Alright folks time to shoot. Shoot. Woah! This is why I came
up here to shoot. Speaking of which, chance to catch Canadian chicks embracing
like that.
Spike: Even if the chicks are already spoken
for?
Kevin: Christine you may be spoken for, this one
though�
Spike: Asked Joey to marry her. I�ve got to call Emma. Excuse me.
Kevin: Seriously?
Caitlin: Yeah.
Kevin: Um wow. I must be
the worst kisser in the world cause-
Caitlin: No Kevin! No!
Kevin:
Uh you know what I�m sorry I�ve got to set the first shot for the day so I�ll
just, I�ll meet you out there. Hey uh Mewes!!
-In the cafeteria,
Spinner sees scrambled eggs on the stove-
Spinner: Jay? Hey I�m not
getting freaked out by this lame hide and seek game! I�m gonna eat your
breakfast man. Hey!
*He sees someone in a hood walking and jumps on him*
Craig: My arm. Ow.
Spinner: Craig?
Craig: Spinner get off
me.
Spinner: Dude what are doing here? I thought you were in England.
Craig: After the song�s done for Kevin Smith�s movie. He�s kind of
bending the rules a little bit, he�s letting me hang here. Oh my eggs are done.
Oh nobody knows, okay?
Spinner: Lips are uh stealed. Um dude I just want
to say about Ash and the whole band thing-
Craig: Oh Spin it�s in the
past. It�s like, it�s water under the bridge.
Spinner: Okay. Um she was a
good contribution though. I mean she knew her stuff.
Craig: No. She was
a virus. She gets her way inside. Everything�s okay for a bit then bam! She rips
it all apart. I�m gonna be in the boiler room. I got work to do, but uh lips
sealed my friend right?
-In the science lab, filming-
Jay: *In
character* You are the ones who are the filthy potty mouths. These guys keep
talking about their periodic table!!
Ellie: *In character* Mrs. Hoffman!
He went into my purse, stole my tampons and did, did this!
*Kevin turns
around with tampons in his nose*
Kevin: Uh Mrs. Joey that�d be your line
hun.
Caitlin: Sorry! Brain-dead over here.
Kevin: I would not
disagree with you. Cut! We�ll be going again kids.
Ellie: Um can you
take your hand off my knee?
Jay: What? What oh? What was that doing
there? Naughty. Naughty you!
-In the boiler room, Craig is trying to
-
Craig: *singing* Never be a single place. There�ll never be a single
place. I can see your face, but I know from�I know from fate.
-In
the science lab, filming-
Slate girl: Take 35.
Caitlin: *In
character* Have you heard about the old fashioned Cajun, Canad-
Kevin:
Wrong! Cut.
Slate girl: Take 36.
Caitlin: *In character* Have you
heard about the good old fashioned Canadian strap Jason?
Kevin: Okay cut.
It�s not Jason. That�s his name in real life. It�s Jay in the movie. It�s three
lines. Can you get through three lines?
Caitlin: I know my lines Kevin!
I�m just, after 36 takes I�m a little bit flustered.
Kevin: You know
what? I�m a little bit flustered and I would almost rather have anyone else in
this room do the part except you. As a matter of fact, hey uh slate girl why
don�t you jump in there and do the part.
Slate girl: Do I get
paid?
Jay: Even better than that. You swing by my trailer, we�ll do a
little open mouth kissing.
Slate girl: Uh no!
Kevin: Don�t listen
to this fool. It�s real easy. Just jump behind there. Start acting like you�re
not up in your head thinking about wedding gowns.
*Caitlin starts to
leave*
Kevin: Where are you going?
Caitlin: Maybe you should start
acting like a director and not some jealous boyfriend!!
Kevin: Yeah well
maybe you should try acting like an actress instead of whatever it is that TV
that�she�s gone.
Slate girl: *In character* Well Jay that doesn�t cut it
for me or any other woman at this school, so from this point on I want you to
just stop-
Craig: Kevin? Is Kevin here?
Kevin: Cut!!
Craig:
Okay the problem I was having I was writing a love song. It should be like a,
like a breakup, like leaving high school is breaking up with your teen years
What do you think?
Kevin: I think you got to do what you got to do. Craig
what are you doing here?
*Craig rushes out of the room*
Spinner:
Um Mr. Smith?
Kevin: Yeah. Oh my god who are you now?
Spinner:
I�m, I�m Spinner. I�m a friend of Craig�s.
Kevin: Well Spinner, friend
of Craig�s, what is Craig doing here instead of being in England where he�s
supposed to be?
Spinner: He�s staying here on set. He�s sleeping here. He
told me you knew that.
Kevin: I knew that? Spinner the only thing I know
is that making a movie with a bunch of high school kids, way worse than making a
movie with Ben Affleck. Way worse. Take one of these.
*Kevin takes some
fruit from Spinner, and Spinner dials a number on his cell phone*
-In
the boiler room, Joey and Spinner walk in-
Craig: Oh Kevin! Great, great,
great!! Come on in! I�m still working on the lyrics! Let me just play what
I-
*He sees Joey and Spinner*
-At Craig�s
house-
Caitlin: *On the phone* I think you know what you can do with
Tessa Campanelli�s address Nick. Oh uh that�s Joey coming in the door. Yup!
Okay. Bye. Uh invite list is shaping up.
Joey: Remind me. Did I or did I
not tell you that sending Craig off to England was a bad idea Caitlin?
Caitlin: Woah. Don�t make it my fault!
Joey: Oh no? It was your
idea. You supported it and now he and Ashley broke up and you know what, he�s
been living in the Degrassi boiler room.
Angela: Okay, we�re going
upstairs.
Caitlin: Aren�t you at all curious as to why he lied? Felt he
couldn�t trust you?
Joey: Trust me? I�m the only one he can
trust.
Caitlin: Joey you fly off the handle!!
Joey: And you don�t
think! You never have! Like up and, and quitting your job! Why?
Caitlin:
Oh okay thanks for mixing up the fight Joey!! And as for Craig, Kevin and I saw
what you couldn�t! His heart was breaking.
Joey: Well you know what? I am
more concerned about his mind right now because it is a hell of a lot more
fragile. And look if you want to consider yourself a part of this
family-
Caitlin: Don�t pull the family card because if it wasn�t for me
you wouldn�t even have a roof over your head!
-At Kevin�s trailer,
Caitlin is crying-
Caitlin: You were right and you�re the only person I
want to talk to.
Kevin: Come in.
-In the streets, Craig sees
a bum trying to make money by playing drums-
Skinny: Hey not a free show.
*Craig pulls out his guitar*
Skinny: Uh I meant that as a
donation. Not a duet.
Craig: Alright.
*They start playing together
and people drop in some money.
Skinny: Beggars can�t be choosers huh.
Skinny.
Craig: Craig.
Skinny: Craig I�ll tell you what, you play
another hour and uh I�ll split what we rake in 50/50.
Craig: Throw in a
place to crash and it�s a deal.
Skinny: Done.
-In the
gymnasium, they�re filming a dance-
Caitlin: Is it Kevin now or Silent
Bob?
Kevin: What brings you back to my setup Ms. Ryan?
Caitlin: Uh
I just wanted to thank you for the pep talk last night and um being a
friend.
Kevin: I am a friend. For now. The next time you show up in my
room, 2 in the morning I�m getting to second base at least. Maybe third.
Deal?
Caitlin: Deal.
Manny: *In character* Jay if you really love
me than you�re gonna have to wait until I�m 18.
Jay: *In character* I�d
wait forever my love. What grade are you in?
Manny: *In character* I�m a
freshman.
Jay: *In character* Freshman?! Yo is there any seniors up in
this piece?
*Kevin puts out his hand asking Caitlin for a
dance*
Kevin: Come on.
Caitlin: Shouldn�t you be directing?
Kevin: Like I ever direct.
Caitlin: What kind of movie is this
anyway?
Kevin: It�s my movie alright and in my movie Kevin Smith gets to
dance with Caitlin Ryan.
*A couple ninjas jump out from the stage and
Manny screams*
Jay: *In character* Oh snap. Canadian ninjas lunchbox!!
Hip hip! Snoogin(?)!!
*Jay and Silent Bob start fighting the ninjas and
Joey walks into the scene*
Jay: *In character* Oh sir look!
Joey:
Hey hey! Sorry. I�m looking for Caitlin.
Kevin: Cut!!
Caitlin:
Listen I know I should have called, but by the time I woke up Spike to let me
come in and crash-
Joey: Just forget about that okay?! I can�t find Craig
anywhere. I think he�s run away again.
Caitlin: What?
Joey: Look
I called his friends, I called the police. I even called Ashley in London. Okay
they haven�t seen him. He�s just disappeared. He even stopped taking his
medication.
Caitlin: Okay we�ll find him, alright? You and me. Come
on.
-In the streets-
Skinny: Three dollars and 82 cents. You
know what that gets us?
Craig: These are hard times and I think with the
weather and I don�t know, maybe the economy and all-
Skinny:
Hey.
Craig: You want to ask him for money?
Skinny: Why ask when I
could take his wallet.
Craig: Woah. We can�t just rob somebody.
Skinny: You know how much his car is worth and we can�t even afford
dinner.
Craig: Wait. Skinny stop.
*Skinny punches
Craig*
Craig: What was that for?!
*Craig hits him back, Skinny
starts beating up Craig, then picks up his guitar*
Craig: No not my
guitar! No, no, not my guitar! Please!
Skinny: Looks more like breakfast,
lunch, dinner and a lot of meals after that.
Craig: No not my guitar! No!
No please not my guitar!
*Joey is shown handing a picture to the
police*
-At Craig�s house, Caitlin and Angie are working on missing
person posters-
Caitlin: That�s perfect Angie.
*There�s a knock
at the door*
Caitlin: Hey.
Kevin: Hey. Hope this isn�t being too
intrusive.
Caitlin: No.
Kevin: I just had a few hours till call
tonight and I felt like maybe I should stop by and see if you guys heard
anything.
Angela: Craig still isn�t home.
Caitlin: We�re dying
over here. Just wish we could talk to him you know? Two minutes,
anything.
Kevin: Well do you think maybe a public appeal made by a
Z-Grade celebrity might help in any way? It�s worth a shot right?
-At
a soup kitchen, Craig is eating soup-
Craig: This is fine. This is just
like home, just like my mom made. This is fine. This is fine.
Kevin: *On
the TV* We need your help finding uh this teenager. His name is Craig Manning,
he�s 16 years old, he goes to Degrassi Community School and he�s been missing
since yesterday. This is his dad Joey.
Craig: I know that guy! It�s
Kevin! Hey!
Joey: *On the TV* Craig. We all love you. Just want you back
okay? Just please come home to us.
Craig: It�s Kevin Smith. I�m writing
a song for his movie. It�s Kevin Smith. I�m writing a song for his movie. Here
listen. *Singing* There�ll never be a single place where I feel safe, where I
can escape from you! Huh do you like it? I wrote it. Yeah.
*There�s a guy
at the soup kitchen that looks at the picture on the TV and recognizes Craig in
front of him*
Joey: *On the TV* If anyone knows him please call
1-555-MISSING.
-Outside the school-
Kevin: So thanks for
dropping me off. It was really cool of you. Sure you don�t want to hang out
tonight? We�re shooting the big football game scene where Jay saves Apollonia
from the soul-sucking cheerleaders of Kingsburg.
Caitlin: I should
really be there for when Joey brings Craig back.
Kevin: Yeah. Joey.
Caitlin: Thank you.
Kevin: For what?
Caitlin:
Everything.
Kevin: I�m sorry I have to try this again. *Goes in to kiss
her*
JT: Mr. Smith?
Kevin: James Tiberius!
JT: A testy
first AD wants you on set. As in immediately.
Kevin: Tell him I�ll be
there in a couple. Go. Adults are talking now. That uh AD is kind of a man-eater
so I�m gonna head off. Hey. Just don�t settle alright? You know for somebody
else�s idea of what the real world is. You�re just far too cool a chick for
that. Pick your own real world. You deserve that much.
-At the soup
kitchen-
Craig: Guitar. My guitar. He took my guitar when I said!! When
he knew that it was mine! *He sees Joey* Joey! Joey. Joey can help me get my
guitar back can�t you Joey? Listen he stole it. My friend. No. Not my friend!
Does Caitlin hate me?
Joey: Why would Caitlin hate you?!
Craig:
Because I make you fight. And I run away and I, I always hurt you. Like my dad
hurt me. You know my dad used to hit me? Oh but you just think I�m crazy.
Everyone just thinks I�m crazy!
Joey: No I don�t think you�re crazy!
You�re ill okay Craig? It�s the bipolar acting up.
Craig: You blame
everything on me being crazy!!
Joey: I won�t. I won�t, I promise you.
Never again okay? Just can we get you home. Craig please.
Craig: Joey. My
guitar. What did I do with my guitar? Just help me find it please.
-At Craig�s house-
Joey: He�s asleep. I got him to agree to
go to the police first thing and give a description of this Skinny. Who calls
themselves that anyways?
Caitlin: Who calls themselves Snake or
Wheels?
Joey: I just hope this guy�s neck is skinny enough for me to
break.
Caitlin: He might be mentally ill too Joey! Remember that. I mean
maybe he�s another lost Craig.
Joey: Oh come on! You don�t see Craig
beating up strangers in the street do ya?
Caitlin: No he just beats you
up at home!
Joey: Just�forget it.
Caitlin: What are we doing
Joey?
Joey: Fighting. Like usual.
Caitlin: All we ever do is
fight. I mean Craig�s upstairs safe and sound. How can we get married? Really. I
mean I love you and Craig and Angela so much, but this it�s just�
Joey:
It�s not what it should be. So are you gonna take that job offer in
LA?
Caitlin: Thinking about it yeah.
-In the auditorium,
filming the scene where Jay and Silent Bob
Jay: *In character* Yo Edmond
Fitzgerald Secondary me and Lunchbox would to thank yous Canadians for treating
us like one of yous guys. You all talk stupid but you have great
beer.
Kevin: *In character* Let me just add because�heavens. But beat
your blizzards or your bonome (?) de neige or your courier du bois!!
Jay:
*In character* What kind of baby talk is that? That was just-
*Kevin hits
Jay in the crotch and he falls over*
Jay: Dude!!
Kevin: *In
character* You made me and my fawn hetero-life mate feel like a big part of your
home and native land and seriously made this the best bleepin� year of our
lives. Woo!!
*Everyone throws off their graduation caps*
Kevin:
Cut! Degrassi that�s a wrap!!
*Everyone starts cheering*
Kevin:
*He hugs Ellie and Toby* Kids! Don�t ever work again! Thank you. Thank you for
all your help
Kevin: *Hugs Manny* You! You were heaven on earth love, now
get out of my way.
Jay: Sir why do you always have to get the last line
in?
Kevin: Why does it bother you so much is my question.
Jay:
Cause you�re always trying to upstage me! Oh look at me I�m Silent
Bob!
Kevin: Oh look at this! *He hits him in the crotch
again*
Jay: Dude! I took the cup off!
Kevin: And I knew that. Mr.
Manning.
Craig: Kevin.
Kevin: Well remembered sir. Oh
hello.
Caitlin: Congratulations.
Kevin: Thank you Ms.
Ryan.
Caitlin: And now congratulate me.
Kevin: Why would I be
doing that exactly?
Caitlin: Cause I said yes to the LA
offer.
Kevin: No!
Caitlin: Ryan�s Planet will spin once again
because of you.
Kevin: Come here.
*They hug while Joey sees them
and leaves the room*
Craig: Joey where are you going? The party�s just
getting started.
Joey: Home. Sorry Caitlin�s home.
Craig: We�re
supposed to talk remember? It goes both ways.
Joey: *crying* I don�t
want her to go.
*Craig hugs him*
Craig: I know. I know. But I�m
here and Angie�s here and we�re not going anywhere. I�m not going anywhere.
Joey: Okay.
-Back in the auditorium-
Kevin: Folks I
would like to raise a very simple toast. To Degrassi!
*Everyone is
cheering and Joey and Caitlin raise a sad toast to each
other*