It's Not Me Chapter 5 *** 3 Weeks Later*** andwere going back home tomorrow afternoon and then and I would have to stop the affair we�d been having it was a lot more physical this time round we�d done it twice whenand we�re over here and this time maybe it shouldn�t be this way 's hurting because he can�t have me and I�m hurting because I can�t have him I thought as I led in bed next toonce again I got that feeling hoping and praying it wasbut it couldn�t be I cried myself silently to sleep. �Babe you�ve been crying in your sleep�said to me the next morning �I know must have had a bad dream or something� I said It was partly the truth I dreamt about how this after noon would go then it went into a few years laterandhad gotten married but he didn�t want to do it and thenand I got married, we�d married the wrong people and both and I knew it in my dream but It was really realitywas pretending to loveand I was pretending to lovefor my heart to beat like it should it should be pieced together with�s �Well baby I hope that dream doesn�t happen again�said and kissed me it won�t I thought in my head ****** �Babe you�ve been crying in your sleep�said to me the next morning �I know must have had a bad dream or something� I said It was partly the truth I dreamt about how this after noon would go then it went into a few years laterand I had gotten married but I didn�t want to do it and thenandgot married, we�d married the wrong people and both and I knew it in my dream but It was really reality I was pretending to loveandwas pretending to lovefor my heart to beat like it should it should be pieced together with�s not�s there�s got to be a way out� ****** I had to let her go I thought as I watched her do her morning routine I was keeping her captive and it wasn�t right I felt she didn�t love me she kissed me differently she hugged and held me differently I�d noticed the same was happening withandhe did things but in his eyes they said a different thing and so did�s but the glance they give each other changes the shine in there eyes I know I�m holding them from being together you can�t help who you fall in love with I thought as we drove andto the airport I glanced in the mirror into the back I could see staring at the back of�s head I couldn�t take it anymore I stopped the car in a parking space as we got into the airport �before you leave there�s something you should know� I said �What?� She smiled I let the smile burn into my memory cos this would wipe it away �I don�t know if you�ve noticed but� I sighed �andare in love with each other� I blurted out ��said glaring at me I took her hands �I can see it and I know you�ve been fooling around with this says it all� I said pulling some newspaper clippings out of my pockets I showed them to �how could you�cried and slapped him then she slappedbefore shoving a ticket into her hands �Go back to England�said harshly I handedher passport that I�d collected �You�re the reasondidn�t want to marry me and I know everything now I�m hurt because you�ve done this but I won�t stand in your way you can�t control love�said �I�m sorry�said with tears in her eyeshugged her �I�m sorry too I�m sorry for keepingfrom you�cried �Don�t be I hadI shouldn�t of started what I did with� replied �I�m not coming back with you two I�m going to stay here with he needs someone might as well as be me�said and I felt her lips brush mine �You lovereally andloves you� I heardsay,and I pulled back to say something toandbut they were walking away hand in hand� �I love you Mrs�said toon there wedding dayand I had come back over for it, it still hurt to see them two together I know I lovebut the way it all happened was awful �Get ready to catch the bouquet especially you�said and threw it over her shoulder and no doubt about itcaught it I smiled at her before everyone ran out of the reception to seeandhead off for there honey moon. ****** �Back to L.A�toasted with champagne that we had on the plane �Back to the place where we were allowed to love� I said as we entwined our arms and drank from the other ones glass� Is it me that changed the way? Changed the way that I was kissing you Was it me that went away? Didn�t call to say I�m missing you Is this the way the story goes Am I not the love you choose? Cos I�d hate to think that we could end this way Who�s walking away not me? Who�s taking your breath not me? As much as I don�t want to see I know in my heart it�s not me Keep telling myself you want me My head doesn�t want to agree As much as I don�t want to see I know in my heart it�s not me I didn�t see suddenly Suddenly you�d close and there was change I was a fool I trusted you Didn�t want to loose my faith in you Hoped to soon the seasons changed Am I not the one to blame? Really hate to think love could end this way Who�s walking away not me? Who�s taking your breath not me? As much as I don�t want to see I know in my heart it�s not me Keep telling myself you want me My head doesn�t want to agree As much as I don�t want to see I know in my heart it�s not me So what happens to all the plans? Cos I really don�t understand Now is there something I didn�t do? I can see that you don�t want to stay Not my power to stand in your way So forgive me Say forgive me Cos I�m just a man Who�s walking away not me? Who�s taking your breath not me? As much as I don�t want to see I know in my heart it�s not me Keep telling myself you want me My head doesn�t want to agree As much as I don�t want to see I know in my heart it�s not me Who�s walking away not me? Who�s taking your breath not me? As much as I don�t want to see I know in my heart it�s not me Keep telling myself you want me My head doesn�t want to agree As much as I don�t want to see I know in my heart it�s not me The End!