Help Me To Love Her Sequel To Thank You The midwife placed our baby girl in my arms I looked at her sweet angelic face she looked a bit likewhen she was born I sighed �What�s wrong babe?�asked as he stroked the babies head �Nothing� I said and handed our baby toI couldn�t hold her she felt all wrong �What shall we call her?�asked as he rocked her back and forth gently �You name her� I said not having much heart into naming this baby mine and�s baby. �I think about it if you really want me to name her�said and kissed my forehead after he placed her in the cot beside my bed �You need some rest I�ll be back in a while babe� he said and walked out the room I turned over and looked at her a tear escaped my eye I didn�t feel what I felt when I looked atthe unconditional love wasn�t there or it just felt different how could I not love something that came from the man I love with all my heart I turned and faced the other way trying to get off to sleep ~*~~*~ I want a special name for her I thought as I looked through baby-names books it has to be perfect I flicked through A-Z of all of them without a clue I then found a book of baby names and meanings I looked through that this would help me I thought as I looked at the picture I had taken of the baby girl on my digital camera but it was no use I didn�t know what meaning I wanted for my girl Then I remembered her eyes were Blue like Sapphire that was it Sapphire I jumped up relieved I'd found the perfect name! �Come on babe I want to show you what I�ve done while you were in hospital� I said trying to lead upstairs I walked her into Sapphire�s room I'd hung a picture of in her room in a special three picture, picture frame it also had me andon our wedding day in that photo and Sapphires very first picturesmiled as tears came to her eyes �Don�t cry babe!� I said taking her and Sapphire into my arms carefully as I held both of my girls �Hereyou take her I�m going out�said handing me Sapphire and leaving quickly before I could stop her I walked over to the window with Sapphire and watched andgot into her car and speed off quickly I sighed and looked down at Sapphire �You�re mummies having problems to bond with you baby girl� I said as she started to cry I tried to shush her and make her stop it took me a while but I really knew what she wanted, she wanted her mother but her mother didn�t seem to be wanting her I laid her down carefully in her got as she fell asleep soundly her breathing was quite and gentle she was rested well I left the room and went and sat down in the kitchen I wanted to go and findbut I couldn�t I had to stay here to look after Sapphire I made myself a drink and sat back down at the kitchen table stirring the spoon in my cup around and round when there was a bang on the door I got up quickly I didn�t want the culprit behind the door to wake Sapphire up �Good evening officer� I said as I opened the door to a police officer �Mr?� he asked and I nodded what�s happened toI thought as a lump already started to form in my throat and my chest tighten �Its about my wife Mrsisn�t it?� I asked and he nodded �We need you to come to the River Thames immediately� he said �But what about my daughter she�s upstairs sleeping� I said �My colleague will look after her sir� he said I nodded and let the police women in �She�s sleeping she shouldn�t wake but if she does�� I said panicking �Don�t worry MrI�ve had three children myself� she said with a reassuring smile I nodded and followed the officer out to his car where he drove us both to the Thames oh-my-god I thought as I sawstanding on the edge of the bridge looking down into the waters the Thames waters were dangerous and I knew she wasn�t a strong swimmer please don�t do this I though as I got out of the car quickly and tried to run to her �STAY AWAY FROM ME� she yelled I backed off a bit �Come on babe you don�t want to do this� I said �Don�t I� she said back I nodded �How do you know you don�t even know how I feel� she screamed I took a deep breathe �What do you mean come on babe you can�t do this you�ll leave your daughter behind and she needs you� I said �My daughter�s dead� she said back �No babe I don�t meanI mean Sapphire� I said �Oh yeah that REPLACEMENT�shouted the last bit as a tear fell from my eye I slowly walked closer to her �She�s not a replacement babe she�s our creation she could never replaceshe was special� I said as I got closer and closer �Why does she feel like a replacement�said and started to cry heavily she lost her footing I ran forward and caught her just by the hood on her jacket �put a hand up� I said and she tried I grabbed her hand and pulled up out of danger and into my arms �Why, why does it feel like I�ve just replaced� sobbed into my chest �I don�t know babe but you haven�t trust me you�ve just given her a baby sister who she�ll look over in heaven� I said takingover to her car I put her in the passenger seat and explained to the police officer he had to follow me home to collect his colleague we got in I thanked the police women as she left for looking after Sapphire,ran upstairs she started to cry I went after her held Sapphire in her arms trying so hard I then saw her put the baby back down in her cot still crying her eyes out assat on the floor and wept to herself �Honey� I said sitting down with her �I can�t do itI don�t feel it I don�t feel the love� she cried �Its ok babe it�ll come� I told her �it�s supposed to be unconditional how can I not love my own baby�cried on my shoulder �Trust me babe it�ll come and I�ll help you� he said �You go to bed get some rest I�ll sort her out and maybe in the morning it�ll all feel different� I said and nodded and left the room I picked up Sapphire in my arms �She�ll love you soon baby� I said rocking her and singing her a lullaby. ~*~~*~ I fell asleep as soon as I'd climbed into bed and my head hit the pillow� |*** �Mummy, mummy� the voice cried to me as I stood on the wall of the Thames screaming I couldn�t love Sapphire �?� I asked looking around �You can love Sapphire mummy I know you can she�s not replacing me if I were still alive you andwould have still had Sapphire and I'd be the best big sister but I lost my time on earth please don�t think of her as a replacement she�s a creation of the love you and Lee have for each other and I�ll live on through my sister love her mummy like you loved me love her like you loved me like you still love me�***| I woke up shaking the sun was sweeping through the curtains I turned to seewas out of bed I could hear him talking in a baby voice I got out of bed and went into Sapphire�s room he was feeding her with a bottle and telling her things I watched him for a while �Love her like you loved me� came to my mind �Oh hey babe�said turning to face me I smiled and walked up to him I still didn�t feel it much when I looked at Sapphire �visited me in my dreams� I told �She did?� he asked and I nodded �She said I wasn�t replacing her that Sapphire was a creation of our love and we�d of still had Sapphire even if was still alive and she�d be the best big sister and that I should love Sapphire like I loved, still love her because she lives on through her baby sister� I said and smiled �See evenvisited you in your dreams to tell you that she won�t be a happy angel in heaven if you can�t love her baby sister�said I smiled I knew he was right I took Sapphire out of�s arms along with the bottle and feed her and for the first time I felt it the powerful thing called unconditional love swept through me and I knew from that moment nothing in the world would stop me loving my daughter� THE END