| First Contact written: charlotte date: 25 October 2002 note: n.g. evagelion belongs to its original owners. kaworu x shinji. shounen-ai / episode 24 spoilers / p.o.v. / there's a horrible lack of k x s fiction out there, so this is my contribution. enjoy. - - - - I had been sitting there the whole time. I listened to his voice, that small voice, as he spoke his thoughts out loud, the tumbling emotions that he wished to suppress as he maintained a steady whisper throughout his monologue. The waves proved respectful, a rhythmic licking of the beach, smooth and calming as he stood there anguishing over his frustrations. Then he went silent. My cue. The irony of the tune was not lost on me as I hummed a piece of the cheerful song softly through my nostrils. He never did notice that it was horribly off tune. I was found then, that childish voice giving a short breath of surprise. But I did not turn, not yet. I only spoke quietly as I gazed over the blue liquid spread out before me, staring into the fiery globe that was slowly melting into it. I listened to my voice speak his name, waited for another perfectly timed gasp to match it. It was then I turned to face him. It was the beginning of the end. * * * He had a way of walking, Shinji did, this shuffling of feet, faint traces of footsteps as if he were purposely trying to not let a full foot down upon the concrete. It might leave a mark, evidence of his existence in this bleak place. It bothered me. He stepped past where I stood half behind a metal wall and stopped upon the first sliding step of the elevator. His face was turned slightly away, his gaze on his surroundings maybe. I wanted to see his face again, but his chocolate hair disappeared almost immediately after as the gray machine lowered his form downward. I cocked my head, my white hair slipping against my cheek, and I was suddenly staring at someone almost identical to myself, save for the sky blue hair. "Ah, Ayanami Rei, the First Child," I said with a smile as I move closer to her. Her eyes, things made of red glass, gazed at me, slim brows pushed together in a glare. "Who are you?" A voice so small, like a porcelain doll's might sound. "Kaworu, the Fifth Child. I have come." It sounded so easy coming from my lips. I was still a doll then myself, having full knowledge of my mission here, but blind as to how it might affect others. I never thought I would be affected in turn. "Come to what?" she asked warily, pale mouth pursed. Ah, the question of the hour. * * * His blue eyes flicked to the left. Maybe he felt my presence, figured out it was I who had been watching him on and off throughout the day. No, I doubt it. He was too simple to think that. He continued wandering into another area of the building, the thick metal door sliding open with an inward breath as he passed through. It snapped shut after him with a near silent puff of air. I walked up to the door a moment later, hands residing comfortably in my pockets, and the door opened again. Stepping in with a grin, I moved toward him. He was sitting on the cool ground, head bowed as my song, the orchestrated version mind you, flowed through his senses. "You weren't waiting for me, were you?" "Um, no, not really waiting..." Shinji stammered as he popped the music buds from his ears. A pink colour made its way across his cheeks, and as I looked down at him, I let a chuckle slide down my throat, unheard. I enjoyed being the cause of this blush. "Aren't you going home?" His mouth slid out of shape. "I don't really enjoy going home these days. It's not exactly a happy place anymore. Actually, I was going to go take a shower shortly." "Well, then let's go." "Uh..." Shinji's blush deepened upon his face as he looked up at me. "Um, okay." I knew my eyes had gone soft, probably a velvety red, and my simple words were making him nervous. He was not used to me, nor positive attention in general it seemed. The people here just considered him an object to follow their commands. I wished to touch him as he stood up with a shy smile, but held back, kept my hands in my pockets. I would show him soon enough the things within me that were destined for him. � * * * The steam was already misting from the bath, a glistening shroud that clung to the air in invisible beads, coating our bodies with liquid touches. He was half turned from me as he undressed. He had started with his shoes and socks, then worked at the buttons on his top, ending with his navy pants. He glanced once at me, turned crimson in that endearing way of his, and quickly snapped his head away. I had easily let my garments fall with a light thump to the floor back when he was fiddling with his first shirt button. I never meant to scare him as I stood there, glowing white probably, watching him shed the fabric which he hid within. He fascinated me because of his open vulnerability. But he had a sweet nature, and I wondered as I watched his peach coloured hands slip the white top from his shoulders why he had involved himself in this whole situation. Something about lambs amidst wolves tickled my mind. We slipped into the hot water and I let my eyes flicker across his body, observe the skin stretched across his lean form, how pure it was. His head was bowed again and at an angle so he could not meet my gaze. "Shinji, why do you fear contact with others?" I let my head rest back against the wooden boards behind us and closed my eyes. The steam crawled over my body and face, fingers sensually moving across my lips and cheeks. His answer was silence, and I responded to my own question in that all-knowing way I've noticed I have. "You do not make contact because you think that in return, pain will be handed to you. You don't leave yourself open so that another may take advantage of your kindness." "I've only been hurt by people who claim to care about me. Can you blame me?" His fingers were dancing upon the bath water, lifting and falling lightly upon the shimmering surface as he spoke. He was hoping he would not break the liquid glass I think. � "You must open up sometime. Otherwise, you'll miss a gift of love from one who truly cares." My pale hand slid beneath the water to grasp his left hand that was resting there. He started, blushing full face as he stared wide eyed at me. It was a strange feeling to let my thumb caress his knuckles underwater, my fingers explore his soft palm as I began to talk again. I'm not sure why I continue to speak like a sage while I know that the whole time Shinji's not listening to a single word because he's too busy gaping at my actions. And then it was dark. The lights had dimmed suddenly and the rotating image of the NERV logo and the mountain landscape on the screen in front of us dipped to black. "That's it." "That's it?" I echoed, disappointment evident in my voice. � With a light sigh, Shinji spoke softly. "I think I'll go home and get into bed." "With me?" I meant nothing devious with that question. I have a way of voicing my feelings and emotions without thinking if no one's noticed. At that moment, I wanted to know how the rest of his body felt, what scent he carried, how he looked as he slept. � "Uh, no! You have you own room, I believe," he said with a jump in his voice. � "Oh." I chuckled to myself then. Slipping from the lukewarm water, I stood up, allowing the liquid drops to run down my slender body and plop like rain into the bath. He was looking at me, I could feel it, could feel his gaze dart against my ivory skin like pinpricks. I also knew he was trying not to in that Shinji-way of his. I've always wanted to know what I looked like to him. � "You are fragile like glass." Looking down at him, my ruby eyes gazing at his rose coloured face, I smiled softly. "Me?" "You are worth my love." "Love?" he asked timidly as he stared up at me. � "In other words, I love you." And with that, I left the bath. � * * * He said he wanted to sleep on the floor, so I ended our light arguing by giving up and slipping into my bed with a little laugh. I placed my hands casually beneath my head and breathed deeply, contented, as I let my body sink into the mattress. Silence settled around us like purring cats, something comfortable and soft. I, as always, spoke first. � "There are things you wish to speak to me about, right Shinji? I'm here to listen." � "A lot has happened since I arrived here," he began slowly. "I lived a simple and calm life when I was younger. There was nothing wrong with that, though there really wasn't much to do." "Do you dislike people?" � "No, but I don't really care too much about them. But, I do hate my father." � He was silent suddenly, his lips pressed together, his body still as if the walls may have been listening and might come down upon him. Shinji turned his head slightly and gasped as his cobalt eyes met mine. I had been staring at him as I lay on my side, my hands tucked under my pillow. I grinned, my red eyes gleaming as his cheeks glowed pink between the shades of dark. "I think I was born to meet you," I said. His eyes, those transparent windows, showed all. Fear, curiosity, wonder, hope. My belly grew warm at the notion that it was I who had given him a gift that was worth longing for, that through me he was discovering what was rightfully his. � "Move over, Shinji." "W-What?" � "Unless you want me on top of you." I know, I shouldn't be so mischievous sounding. It nearly scared the wits out of him. He moved his body in a quick movement to the left as I dropped down onto his mattress, my small blanket tangling between my legs as I rolled onto my side. His chest was moving up and down in bursts as his breathing grew more erratic with my too close presence. He was sitting up a little, and I was propped up casually with my elbow. "Relax, Shinji," I murmured. I had become serious, my mouth lying flat across my face as I looked at him. "You have nothing to fear with me here." He whispered, his breath warm against my face. "What if I'm a little scared of you?" � "Don't be scared of me," I responded softly. "I would never hurt you." With my free hand, I lifted it to his cheek, sliding my thumb across the heated surface with the lightest touch. Surprising both of us, he did not flinch nor move, but let me caress his face with my delicate hand. I never let my eyes stray from his, wishing to burn a hole within him with my strong emotions. He needed to know that he was truly loved by me, never mind who I really was. He was so pure, and this innocent nature had become tainted by his heartless world. I wanted to be the one to restore his lost feelings of love, of belonging, of security. I had waited long for this moment in my destiny to come. � "Kaworu..." Shinji spoke in a low voice, his gaze growing hazy. � "Quiet," I said in a hushed voice, not harsh. "I want you to sleep." � "With you." I smiled, my eyes warm with a deep red. "Yes, with me." His body settled down against me, curling child-like against my chest. Wrapping my arms around him, I took a long breath, inhaling the scent of his clean chestnut hair. My body was radiating heat, a white aura, and I listened to Shinji give a little sigh against my neck. I do not know how often he was held like this throughout his short lifetime, but I couldn't help but smile to myself to think that he trusted me enough to hold him in this small, midnight covered room. � "You love me?" Lifting his head to look at me, Shinji suddenly asked this question. I smiled. "Yes. But love can take on many forms and meanings. Don't forget that. My love is the pure kind, clean and white like freshly washed skin." "Your skin..." his voice trailed off as he smiled shyly, his eyes lowered demurely. A long finger ran down my back as his hand deftly explored my clothed body. I observed his shadowed face, light falling upon certain places with round shapes. This beautiful boy was mine now, and I never wished to give him up. I closed my eyes for an instant. When I opened them, his face was before me suddenly, eyes half closed with unwanted sleep as he looked at me with a curious expression. He was observing me now. "Here." With that said, I moved my mouth to meet his. He stiffened ever so slightly against me as I kissed him. It was not long, nor very deep really, but just enough to allow me to taste him, just once. Sweet. Just as I thought as I released his lips with a smile. I opened my red eyes, knowing he had never closed his. I felt his blush spreading like butter across his body as he stared, lips still parted and dewy in his stunned silence. "Thank you, Shinji," I said quietly. I gathered him up and rested my chin upon his head; his body responded to mine as he relaxed again, his legs slipping against my long legs, toes brushing cool feet as we curled into one another. I felt sleep crawling into us almost immediately, and it slumbered along with us until dawn. Cruel destiny could wait. [end] |