| > 10 may 03 'the fragility of life' life is all around us, but within the same measuring cup, so is death. my families' dog, dixie, contracted some sort of infection within her uterus and underwent surgery last week. the vet called afterward to say it went well, and my girl friend who works there saw dixie wagging her tail with that dog smile on her face and knew she was doing fine. she was so close to death the vet said, that if dixie hadn't been medcially taken care of, she could have easily died within weeks. to think that we might have lost our beloved pet was frightening. i work as a delivery girl at a local flower shop, and some days i deliver to the nearby funeral homes standing sprays or huge basket arrangements for a viewing or funeral. the first time i delivered flowers to a funeral, i walked into the room and noticed the open casket - and i stopped short in the middle of the aisle in fear. it still disturbs me greatly to be near the dead, whether exposed or in closed caskets; it always feels like invisible spirits are all around, and i get chills. i'll never understand why humans have to die the way they do. a girl i used to attend high school with just lost her twin sister. she was only 19. the injustice of it all grates against me, making me angry and sorrowful and helpless. young people fancy themselve invicible in everything they do with no thought of death, while the old listen to the time tick by and await the end. god formed his creation with such fragility that even a single piece of paper catching our thumbs at the wrong angle with draw blood. i'll never understand our lord's way of thinking. as i drive around town performing my delivery run, i see lots of dead animals in or by the side of the road, and it never ceases to make my stomach turn or get me choked up. a few days ago, i drove by a dead squirrel who was still intact. i quickly parked, and wrapping the little thing in a cloth, placed it in the nearby grass. it was eerie to pick up its dead body, so heavy with death though the squirrel looked as if it were only sleeping. i've realized that death walks side by side with life, and the strange workings of this universe with forever remain a mystery. in a moment you're crossing the street, and in the next, a car hits you and your breath is gone; a heart attack suddenly grabs you at 65; cancer eats away at a 9 year olds life; a kitten darts across the street in the night and is caught beneath oncoming tires. none of this is pleasant in the least, but it is reality - and i hate it because i do not understand it. |
 |
| dixie. so cute! april 2003 |