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A blonde passed another blonde rowing in a cornfield.
"What are you doing?" she shouted, "It's blondes like you who give us the bad names! I'd come out there and kick your butt if I knew how to swim!"
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A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.
Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it..."
The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"
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A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.
The blonde turns around and shouts, "Can't you see I'm winning!"
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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."
The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."
POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."
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Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette. As a group, they decided that one of the party should let go. Otherwise, the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally, the brunette gave a truly touching speech, saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
The ten blondes applauded.
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80,000 blondes meet at the Wembley Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" convention. The master of ceremonies says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
One blonde steps up, so the master of ceremonies asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds, she replies, "Eighteen."
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start chanting, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
The master of ceremonies says, "Well, since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you here and the World Wide Press, I guess we can give her another chance." So, asks her, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After 15 or 20 seconds, she replies, "Ninety."
The master of ceremonies sighs. Everyone is crestfallen and the blonde starts crying. Again, the 80,000 girls start chanting, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
Unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, the master of ceremonies finally says, "Okay! One more chance. What is 2 plus 2?"
After 15 or 20 seconds, she replies, "Four."
The stadium of 80,000 blondes start chanting, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
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Jane, a blonde, was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Jane -- the Blonde."
Jane then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. Jane opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
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A cop saw a young blonde woman down on her knees under a streetlight. "Can I help you?" he asked. Replied the woman, "I dropped my diamond ring and I'm looking for it."
Asked the cop "Did you drop it right here?"
"No," responded the blonde, "I dropped it about a block away, but the light's better here."
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A fellow in a bar notices a blonde woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he finally made his move.
"No, thank you," she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult," remarked the man.
"Oh, I don't mind too much," explained the blonde, "But it has my husband pretty upset."
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Blonde's 'Dear Diary'
MONDAY: What a wonderful cruise this is going to be! I felt singularly honored this evening. The Captain asked me to dine at his table.
TUESDAY: I spent the entire afternoon on the bridge with the Captain.
WEDNESDAY: The Captain made proposals to me unbecoming an officer and a gentleman.
THURSDAY: Tonight the Captain threatened to sink the ship if I do not give in to his indecent proposals!
FRIDAY: This afternoon I saved 1600 lives.
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