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My Dog of Cheese
By Juliette

I once had adog made of cheese
He didn't like to sneeze
But one day I told him he had to
and he said he had the flu.

I gave him some soup
and he chased chickens in a coup
He got bit by a chicken,
and now he's wish'n
that he didn't have the flu.

Fred
There was a ranger named Fred
Who liked to eat lots of bread.
One day he saw Nyki,
and said "She's so icky"

He ran far to Milwaukee,
To watch some good ole hockey.
And he again saw Nyki,
and exclaimed "My pants are sticky!"
and that's why we don't like Nyki.

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	Very Secret Diary fo Peregrin Took Day One was out pilfering vegetables when bumped into Sam and Frodo. Had a nice little roll around with Frodo in courn before was frocivly removed by Sam. Must have word with Frodo about letting servants get overly familiar and grabby. Fell down hill. Merry v. disappointed that he broke his carrot. After he found on that was just the right shape, too. Day Two V. nice in Rivendell. Sick of rooming with Sam though. constantly sopping wet and reeking of strawberries. Also tired of elves mistaking me for unusually lifelike lawn ornament. Day Three Joined Fellowship of Ring for a lark. Everyone v. nice except Legolas seems a bit testy. Yesterday held me upside down over crevasse until I admitted he was the prettiest elf in the Fellowship. Did not feel like pointing out he was only elf in Fellowship, as crevasse was very deep. Day Seven Has been twenty-five days since met Aragorn and he has not yet washed his hair. Is really starting to bother me. Day Nine Sam all wrong about Boromir. Really very nice man. Invited me to go for a walk with him tonight and said he would let me blow his Horn of Gondor. Can't Wait Later that night Always thought blowing the Horn of Gondor was supposed to summon armies of the West? Apparently not. V. educational, all the same Day Eleven V. dark in mines of Moria. Still sort of a relief as means Boromir cannot corner me adn complain how Aragorn is insensitive, stuck up git with hobbit fixation. Pot calling the kettle black if you ask me. Aragorn abviously way into Frodo, however. Sam will kill him if he tries anything. Day Thirteen Caught Legolas waxing soles of Aragorn's boots, thus explaining why Aragorn keeps collapsing into his arms. Tricky elf. Aragorn still hasn't washed his hair. Day Fourteen Gandalf dead. Everyone morose. In an attempt to cheer up Fellowship, Legolas took of all his clothes and performed scenes from Silmarillion: The Musical. Everyone still morose. Legolas ponced off to have 3,000-year old elf prince sulk. Day Fifteen Lothlorien v. pretty. Accidentally walked in on Gimli taking a bath. Now understand what Gandalf meant about there being scarier things than orcs. And was that Aragorn hiding under all the bubbles? May have nightmares for weeks Day Sixteen Aragorn washed his hair. Hurrah. Maybe it really was him under all the bubbles. Day Twenty Boromir wrote me a poem. Merry says I am leading him on. of course, Merry also says I cry like a girl. Merry is a total bastard most of the time, actually Day Thirty Told Boromir I did not feel ready to commit, so he went and got himself shot by orcs. Honestly. Humans so oversensitive sometimes. Have been kidnapped by Urak-hai. Not very friendly types. Merry says we might have to shag our way out of captivity. Suspect Merry looking forward to it, useless wassock. Orcs v. smelly. Suddenly miss Boromir.

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