~~Jokes~~

> 1

Four people, one old lady, old man, young lady and young man were
traveling in a train. Suddenly the train passed through a dark
tunnel. Suddenly the noise of kissing followed by slapping was
heard. As it was dark, nobody was able to see each other and
nobody knew what was happening.

When the train came out of the tunnel, cheeks of the old man were
red because of the slap.

The old lady was muttering something. She was talking to herself
and cursing the old man for being naughty; and she appreciated the
young woman, though not loudly, for teaching the old man a lesson.

The young woman was wondering; "What on earth made this mad old
man to kiss that old lady when I am here".

The old man was wondering "Why this young lady hit me for the
mischief of the young man"

The young man was appreciating himself thinking "I wish the train
goes through another tunnel and I'll kiss on my back of my hand
and slap the old man." ^o^

>2

Santa was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for
his friend Banta. As Banta stood beside the bed, Santa's frail
condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something
to write on. Banta lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper,
and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note.
Then he died.

Banta thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he
slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the
funeral, Banta was visiting Santa's family. He realized that he
was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died.

"You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died.
I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of
inspiration there for us all. "

He unfolded the note and read aloud in front of everyone,
"You're standing on my oxygen tube!"

>3

Once it also happend in a flight that, James bond was sitting
besides a Telugu guy from India. Both were travelling to the
United States. Smart Telugu guy initiates a conversation.

Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your good name please?"

James Bond: "I am Bond.. James Bond."

James Bond: "and you?"

Telugu Guy: "I am Sai...

Venkata Sai...

Siva Venkata Sai...

Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...

Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...

Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...

Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata
Sai...

Bommiraju Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva
Venkata Sai.."

James Bond FAINTS!!!


>4

A man was wandering in the woods, pondering all the mysteries
of life and his own personal problems.

The man couldn't find the answers, so he sought help from God.

"God? You there, God?" he asked

"Yes. What is it, my son?" God answered.

"Mind if I ask a few questions?" the man asked.

"Go ahead, my son, anything."

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God answered, "A million years to me is only a second."

The man asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"

God replied, "A million dollars to me is worth only a penny."

The man lifted his eyebrows and asked his final question. "God,
can I have a penny?"

God answered, "Sure, give me a second."

>5

An elderly woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair
on his porch. Though he looked weathered and feeble, he had a
content smile on his face.

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's
your secret for a happy life?"

"Well, I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. waving a
wrinkled hand through the air, with a smoldering cigarette between
his thumb and finger.  "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat
fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing!" said the woman. "So, how old are you?"

"Twenty-six."

>6

In a ship the Generals of three nations were traveling with their
soldiers. They started the topic that whose soldier had more of guts.

The American general called for one of his men and told him to jump
down the ship and take a round swimming around the moving ship. The
soldier did as he was commanded and the general boasted of by saying
"See the guts !".

Now the German general called out for one of his men and asked him
to take two similar rounds.the soldier did as he was told.when he
came back from the water the German said "See the guts ".

Now the Indian General called out for his most courageous man and
asked him to take five similar rounds.

The soldier promptly replied, "Am I your dad's servant?".

At this the general proudly said "See the guts".

>7

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him
into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to
make them a few drinks. As he's standing there alone, he notices
a cute little vase on the mantel.

He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He
says, "What's this?"

She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."

He turns beat red in horror and goes, "Geez, oh..I..."

She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

>8

Jill calls her friend Linda. Linda picks up the phone.

Jill says, Do ya wanna go to the mall with me?

Linda asks, Why?

Jill replies, I need to study cosmetics

Linda again asks, Why?

Jill replies Well, my english teacher says, I have a 'make-up exam'
on monday.

>9

Mary's father has 5 daughters;

Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono

Whatz the name of the fifth daughter?

>>Nunu??

>>Silly guy, it's Mary, read the question again. haha

Gotcha

>10

If u ran past the 2nd player in the race?  What are u now??

If u say 1st, you're wrong!!!  Think again, u have to be 2nd!!

>11

Have to answer using less time compare to the first one, okay?

If there was the last person in a race, wt are u now?

>>If u answer last, u're wrong again!!!  You can't ran past the last person, that's nonsense @.@