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| Respect the Artist/Author and leave their work alone. Stealing of another's work will not be tolerated! |
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| My Perfect Winged Angel My dear young one Do not wish to be like me For I am all but pure All but innocent You are all that I AM NOT My dear chylde You watched me fall Watched me change From a radient white to BLACK You glow with Innocence chylde And I am dull with impurities My chylde, Leave me and gain thy wings! Do not stay and corrupted I no longer have wings, I cannot follow Go my chylde! My perfect winged angel. 1x8x01 Copyright Midnight, 2001 |
| One Of Those Girls I always swore that come hell or high water� that no matter what the hell happened, who I met and how much I loved them, I'd never be like them. Like those girls who are abused� who are put down� who are left alone with a thought that maybe their love will come back to them. I swore on my mortal soul I'd never be one of them. Never. Damn myself because now I am. I am those girls. All of them. The ones that fall in love� and know that it's never meant to be, but they hang on anyway. Those girls that know there is something else out there besides this pain� this agony they feel. The pain of mental scars� the ones left by the words that their lover speaks� you know who you are. All of you. Every last one of you. I'm lucky I never suffered the physical pain from my lover, the way that some of you do. Some of you girls who are beat physically� I was beat mentally. Over and over he would leave, over and over I would pray for his return� over and over he came back a different man. Not the man I was in love with� but I thought that somewhere deep inside, he was still the man I loved. Still the man I fell in love with so long ago. But his words and his eyes were different. They weren't kind and gentle like they were before. They were grey, and cold� all the blue gone from them. He was not the same man, and I was not the same woman� but I clung to him� because he cared for me and protected me. I cried myself to sleep for two years. Night after night, goodbye after goodbye, cursing to myself for crying over him, even after he told me not to. He never knew he abused me like that. He doesn't know I cry for him every night, still inside I cry for him. I want him to come back to me, but I'm afraid that he's found something more. Someone who can give him something I never could, that he would never let me. Eternity. An eternity of everything he could need and want. Maybe he'll smile for her. Maybe he'll laugh for her. He never smiled for me, he never laughed for me. But most of all, he never told me he loved me. He said he felt something, but never said love. He could never feel love for anyone or anything that came near him. But I know he would protect me, and care for me. Because he has, and he still is. He's left me begging his return, and I've closed off my heart to all other lovers that I could have. Because I am taken� by a man who has hurt me, over and over and over again. Who's tormented my every dream, and who's killing my soul slowly, whether he realizes it or not. And now that he's gone, my life seems to be coming to an end. Regression to days when I was happy� dreams of myself happy� then he is there� in the happiest moments of my life� and makes me realize how alone I am now. How much I care for him and how little that matters. He wasn't used to people caring for him, but I did. I dared love the man who said he could never love. And it hurt me. I have scars to show� physical ones I gave myself to calm my nerves over him. Don't ever become like me. Don't ever believe that a man is the only thing on earth. Because I did� and I know the damage it can do. Never say you are not vulnerable to this� all of us are. Woman and man alike� we can both be hurt� and if you worship the one you love, let them know. If that is not returned, then no matter now much you love that one� it is not to be, you'll never get the respect you deserve, you'll never find the white picket fence you dream of, and you'll never have that family with them. You won't grow old together, you won't sleep in the same bed. You won't awaken in the mornings to the sweet kiss of the one you're infatuated with. Never is a hard word to accept, but listen to me, let it sink inside your body and feel that pain in your heart that you know is true. That you realize. Now, think of the one you love, the warmth inside you. Make it a point to ask if they love you back. Make it a point to know. Because I won't let you end up like me. Tonight was confession� he told me to have some sort of faith, and I'm having this faith in you. All you girls out there who don't want to believe that you know what I'm talking about. Who don't want to admit that they too feel this pain. But you know, all too well, that I'm right. I've given up on love, on everything since he left me here, alone in this matrix of a world. And I don't want you to do the same, because this road is nothing but hell� hell over hell over hell� tears on earth, tears in hell and tears in heaven. And my dearest man� I never even realized how much I needed him until this night. Because he always told me to be strong. To carry on with my life because he'd be there if I needed him. R----, I need you. I need to hear from you. I need to know that you're alright, and happy where you are. And if you aren't� come back to me. Don't leave me alone anymore� come back to me. Mercy Raven, you are null and void as of December, 2001, this is all that is left, I no longer weep for you tears, I no longer think of you daily. I have returned to the one I had chosen when you made me choose. I choose my Knight, my King, my Lover, my Valiant Savior. I will never forgive you for the time you have stolen away from us. I don't need you, or need to hear from you, I hope you aren't alright or happy. If you are, wait, you are not. I forgot. You are dead. Midnight |