Have a Little Faith, Chapter 46

Only Lilith was there when the four of them arrived.  She was sitting at Cordelia’s desk drinking tea.

“Where’s Lilah?” Lindsey asked. His eyes scanned the room.

“She was quite upset.  I gave her some tea and let her sleep upstairs in your spare room.  Poor dear passed out.  Do you mind that?”

Lindsey shook his head.  “It’s okay.  We need her help—And Wolfram and Hart;  they may come after her.  We need to protect her.”

“She needs to sleep,” Lilith replied.

“I can keep a watch out,” Alex said.

“It’s late, we should all get some sleep,” Doyle said.

“No,” Lindsey said.  He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Faith said.  “It was my fault, my idea. I made him do it.”

Lindsey sighed.  “I’m sick of that excuse.  I did this on my own.  I wanted Angelus to die for what he did to Cordelia, for what he did to me, for what he is going to do.”

“Let’s just say it’s both your faults,” Doyle said, although he was angry with the both of them, but he tried to remain calm.

“We were so worried about the two of you,” Alex said.  “We care about both of you.  You two saved me.  We were worried out of our minds that we were going to lose  you, just like Cordelia and Wesley.”

“I’m sorry,” Faith said.  “I was just so frustrated.  Just letting this guy run crazy and killing people.  He was gonna kill Lindsey.  He was gonna kill everyone I cared about.  Not that many care about me.  He was gonna take them all.”

Doyle sighed.  “We’re here to help you two get through this.  It won’t be easy, but it will happen.”

“We can talk about this tomorrow,” Alex said.  “It’s late.  You guys should get some real sleep.”

“But he'll still be around,” Faith said.

“But he’ll have to wait a few more hours,” Doyle replied.  “Come on, you guys need some real sleep.”

“Besides,” Alex replied.  “We got a lead.”

“A lead?”

“Through Lina’s grandmother.  We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

Faith nodded.  “I’m gonna crash here.”

Doyle nodded.  Faith began to walk towards the apartment.  She stopped when she saw Lilith who had been standing there silent.

“I don’t know if I’m ready yet,” she told Lilith.  “I don’t know if I’m ready to have you in my life.  I ain’t saying that to be disrespectful or a jerk, but I’ve already put two watchers in the ground and I’ve only been a slayer for two years.  Maybe that’s a sign.”

“I understand,” she said, “but I will stick around until you decide.”

“Thanks,” she said and headed up the stairs with Lindsey following her.

She still wasn’t there when he woke up.  It would be a long time before he would truly be able to deal with that.   Faith was sleeping next to him.  He looked at the clock, it was 1pm.  They had slept a long time, but they had an exhaustive couple of days.

He looked over Faith for a long time.  Obviously if they decided to pursue anything they would have to wait a little while.  He felt almost numb like he no longer cared.  That feeling scared him, but he just
assumed he would feel that way for a little while and it would go away in time.

He did not like that feeling because he knew he loved her.  He loved her just as much as he loved Cordelia.  But he did not know if he could deal with losing her also.

Faith opened her eyes.  “Hi,” she said.


“Pondering the universe?” she asked.

“Looking at you.  You are very beautiful.”

“Thanks,” she said and smiled.  “But now that I’m thinking clearly.  We shouldn’t do this now.”

He nodded.  “I miss her.  I’m not ready.”

“I know you’re not.”

“My whole life I was so desperate for love and now I can’t lose it.”

“You won’t, Lindsey,” she said, assuring him.  She took his hand.  “You’re a good person now.  People may be partially evil, but love always finds good people.”

“That’s very profound.”

Faith smiled.  “I may have a tenth grade education, but I get these things.”

Doughnuts were brought like Alex always brought doughnuts in.  This time she brought coffee in from the outside.  She did not want to touch the coffee machine.  She wanted to throw it away.  In fact she wanted to move from the office.  She could get a good price for the place.  They could find someplace better; some place safer.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the door opening.  She had locked it so it had to be Doyle.  No one else had the key.  She had changed the locks on the front doors the day before Cordelia’s funeral.  She wouldn’t have done it until Doyle pointed out that Wesley had a key to the office which meant Angelus would too. Not that a lock would keep him out.

“Hey,” he said.


“They up, yet?”

“No, it’s just me.”

Doyle took a deep breath.  “They are up there right?  They could have been fooling us.”

Alex nodded.  “I should trust them, but I didn’t,” she said and chuckled.  “Lindsey and Faith are out cold.  Sleep’s a little uneasy, but at least they are sleeping.  The woman, Lilah, she was also asleep.”

“We still need to be careful of her,” Doyle explained.  “She may be scared of Angelus, but that does not make her a good person.  I don’t think she had any intention of leaving Wolfram and Hart.  She just wanted to stop Angelus.”

“I know.  I’m glad she didn’t bolt.”

“How are you holding up?”

“Feel like I’m going to fall apart at any moment,” she explained.  “I have always prided myself on staying in control— But I don’t know if I can deal with it.  We went on a date—He dropped me off and I never saw him again.  I talked to Cordelia on the phone and then that was the last time I ever heard her voice—I know I have to stay strong for Faith and Lindsey.  I knew I didn’t go out with Wesley long enough and I didn’t know Cordelia long enough, but, I just—“

“It’s hard having to be so strong one when you’re breaking apart inside.  Lindsey wanted me to take care of Cordelia if anything ever happened to him.  It’s up to me now to take care of him.”

Alex did not respond.  She was interrupted by the door opening from the apartment upstairs and Lilah entered.  She was wearing the pants part of her business suit and a sleeveless undershirt and no shoes.  She was wearing heels the night before.

“Um—Hi,” she said, extremely nervous.  She smoothed out her skirt.  Alex reminded herself to buy Lilah some clothes to wear.  She was about three inches taller than Alex, so she couldn’t borrow any of Alex’s clothes.

“Hello,” Doyle said.  The three of them felt extremely awkward.

“Come sit down,” Alex said.  “We have a lot to talk about.”

Lilah did not move.

“Listen, what Lindsey said about us not judging you, it’s true.  We need to stop Angelus.  We need to know what you’ve learned about his plans.”

“He has to do it on the Hellmouth,” Lilah explained.  “I don’t know when.”
Lilah moved a little forward and sat down on the chair.  “You didn’t stake him right?”

Doyle nodded.

“He saw me—I shot him with an arrow.  I should have just run.  What came over me?”

“Listen,” Alex said.  “Once we stop whatever he is doing, we’ll have you put in the Witness Protection Program.  Okay. We have a friend who is a cop. We make it so they will never find you.”

Lilah looked down, but did not say anything.

“Don’t worry lass.  We’ll do something to help ya.”

“Wolfram and Hart have people everywhere in the police department, every where.”

“Not everywhere,” Alex explained.  “There are good people out there and our friend who’s a cop.  She’ll help you.”

Lilah nodded, but she knew that eventually they would find her. “Can I have some coffee please?”

Lindsey put on his jeans slowly.  Cordelia was always trying to get him to at least wear nice slacks, if he wasn’t going to wear suits.  He liked wearing jeans.

Faith was still sleeping.  He didn’t want to wake her.  Neither of them had slept well in the past week.

He yawned and went over to his dresser.  There was a picture of Cordelia taken on their wedding day.  They had taken professional pictures before all of them went out to dinner.

Lindsey moved the closet.  He saw the guitar next to it.  He picked it up.  He remembered playing for her.  It seemed so long ago, but it was only a few weeks.

He put the guitar down, but was tempted to smash it.  Anything to get rid of this numb feeling that was slowly overcoming him.  Instead, he got the case out of the back of the closet, put the guitar inside and shoved it in back.

When he came down the stairs, Lilah, Alex and Doyle were sitting around Cordelia’s desk drinking coffee.  No one had touched the desk in the week since she had died.  Nothing was disturbed and dust was already piling up.

“Lindsey,” Doyle said and quickly got up and rushed over to him.  “How are you holding up?” he asked, touching his shoulder.

“Like I’ve been asleep.”

“It’s gonna take some time.”

“I know,” he said, looking down.  Doyle let him sit down in his chair while he went to get another.

“Looks like we are going to Sunnydale,” Alex said, when Doyle came back.

“Sunnydale?” Lindsey questioned.

“The lead I told you about.  Apparently Elena found out that there is a gypsy that lives near Sunnydale.  She can contact the last person in possession of the translation.  Of course just because we can contact them, doesn’t mean they’ll be willing to tell.”

Lindsey did not say anything.  If he heard this a week ago, he would have jumped for joy.  This felt like another false lead.  Even if it was true, he was no longer excited about the prospect of Angelus getting his soul.

“And it just so happens, our boy Angelus is heading out that way too.  That’s where he plans to open the doorway to allow the dead vampires to return.”

“Doyle—“ he said.  “I’m not doing this out of anger.  But if we can’t restore Angelus’ soul we have to kill him.  It’s as simple as that.  It’s been almost a year and we’ve only had false leads.  He’s going to keep killing people.  And we are next on the shit list.  We can’t let him open that doorway.”

Doyle looked down.


“I was sent to save Angelus’ soul.  I’m a messenger.”

Lindsey smiled.  It was the first time Doyle had seen him smile in a week.  “I don’t think things are mapped out so permanently.  We can find another vampire to take Angelus’ place.  We’ll do research, find someone who was a good person before—“

“He wasn’t.  Not when he was Liam, not when he was Angelus and not right away when he was Angel.  Lindsey, you cannot curse a vampire with a soul that doesn’t deserve to feel the pain.”

Lindsey looked down.  “He was the only vampire to be cursed this way,” Doyle continued to explain.  “He has to be the one.  He was the one that the powers that be sent for.  He is the only one who can do it.”

Lindsey did not respond.

“I want to make sure that both you and Faith understand that.”

“All I understand is Cordelia is dead.”

“You are both going to hurt for a long time, but you saw what happened when you  hurt alone.” Doyle said.  Only he knew Lindsey was still in denial.

“Perhaps you should all go without Faith and me,” he said.  “Buffy can take her place.”

Doyle shook his head.  “We are all seeing this to the end.  All of us.  We need you.  Buffy has her hands filled too.  She’ll be distracted.”

Lindsey took a deep breath.  Doyle put his hand on his shoulder.  “We stick together, okay?  You know why Angelus was able to get at Cordelia and Wesley?  Because he split us, that’s how.  Don’t let him split us now.”

Lindsey finally nodded.

“Good boy, come on, have some coffee.”

Lindsey looked towards Cordelia’s desk.  Lilah was sitting there looking very uncomfortable.  He did not know if they would come after her.

Holland did not meet with Angelus after the whole incident in the corridor.  This time Holland’s superior, Nathan Reed, came instead.  Holland was apparently off the case and he was lucky to still be alive.  Reed had taken complete control.


Angelus smiled in amusement to this insipid higher up.  He was sitting at Lee’s desk, Drusilla was behind him.  Neither of them were happy to lose Penn, Lee and Alonna.

“Old bald guy?”

Nathan did not smile.  He had two bodyguards behind him.  One was a vampire, the other a regular human.

Angelus gave Nathan a weird smile.


“I’m Nathan Reed, from upstairs, we need to discuss certain things.”

“Okay, Nathan,” he said.

“It’s about your dismal failure regarding killing the slayer.”

“Dismal?” Angelus said, his voice still sarcastic.  “Why. Nathan, whatever do you mean?  Do you mean the two lawyers that work for you who have gone over to the enemy?  Do you mean that?”

Nathan did not look fazed.

“That is our problem which we will deal with in time.  Your problem is taking care of the slayer for us.”

“I don’t have to do anything for you,” Angelus said and crossed his arms.

Reed was a little taken back.  He did not have a comeback right away.

“Angelus,” Reed said.  “We have no use for you like this.”

“What?” Angelus said, getting up.  “What are you going to do? Stake me.”  Angelus put his arms back.
“Go right ahead.”

Reed was again taken back and again did not have a retort.

“Knew you couldn’t.  You don’t pull my strings.  I apparently have a big part in some apocalypse.  You need me more than you need that slayer dead.  I can sit around all day and night doing nothing and you still can’t kill me.  Pathetic human.”

“Fine,” Reed said and Angelus could tell he was frightened and nervous.  “How about we stake your little girl for good measure.”

“You won’t do it,” Angelus said and laughed.  “Stake the seer vampire.  Good move, bravo.” He said and clapped lightly.

“He tells the truth,” Drusilla finally said, then giggled. “Humans, you cannot lie to us.  We always know.”

“You know what?” Angelus said.  All anger was gone from his voice and was replaced by a calm and cool tone and look.

“What?” Reed said.

“I’m sick of Wolfram and Hart’s puppet side.  I think I need a break.  I’ll see you around during the apocalypse.”  He smiled, then put his vampire face on.  “But I won’t be seeing you.”

Angelus grabbed Reed.  Before the bodyguards were on him, Drusilla grabbed the human one and broke his neck, then grabbed the stake from his waist band while he fell and staked the vampire one.

Angelus sunk his teeth into Reed’s neck.  His blood was as banal as him.  Then dropped him on the floor when he was dead.

“Amateurs,” Angelus said, taking Dru hand.  “Let’s go, Dru.  We might as well go to Sunnydale.  I’m sick of LA.”

“How are you holding up?” Lindsey asked Lilah when Doyle and Alex had gone out to get Lina and her grandmother.

Lilah did not replied.

“It’s true what I said before, I won’t judge you,” he said and tried to smile for her sake.  He tried to put all the bitterness he had for her behind him.

“It isn’t that.  It’s just—My life is over.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” he said.

“They are still trying to kill you.”

“Not actively,” he explained.

“It probably won’t be the same with me.  They’ve always liked you.  I think if you went back now they would take you.  Holland give you a pat on the back and lecture you on your moral crisis. Me? They’d kill me.  I should have never left.”

“To late now,” Lindsey said.  “Think of it as your first act of kindness.”

“I was going to do it to save my life,” she explained.  “I don’t care about other people.  It’s a shame that my aim was off.”

“Now you don’t have ambition to interfere with your morals.”

“I don’t have morals,” she admitted.

“Well,” he smiled, taking her hand.  She smiled when he did.  He always knew that Lilah had a little crush on him.  “We can work on that.  You’re not alone, Lilah.  And you may think you did this for selfish reasons, but I think deep down, you once had morals.  It’s just that you’ve buried them.”

Lilah looked at Lindsey in amazement.


“You are nothing like the Lindsey McDonald that I first met.”

“Well, he’s dead.”

Lilah paused again.


“I was sorry about your wife,” she said, looking down.   “She didn’t have anything to do with this.”

“I know.”

“I mean it.  Holland wanted to go to see your state of mind and Faith’s.  I felt legitimately sorry when I saw you.”

Lindsey nodded.

Lilah sighed.  “What am I going to do now?”

“Start over somewhere with a new life. I guess.  We have some connections.  I suggest you lay low for a very long time.”

Lindsey felt a little frustrated.  It seemed obvious that Lilah was not going to change and the only reason she stuck around is she hoped the good guys would protect her.

The conversation abruptly ended when the door opened and Doyle and Alex came in with Lina and Elena.

Lina immediately rushed over to Lindsey and gave him a hug.  Lindsey reluctantly hugged her back.

“How are you?”

“I’ve been better,” and that was all he could think of saying.

Elena took a seat at Cordelia’s desk.  “Mr. McDonald—Lindsey.  I am very sorry about your loss.”  Lindsey nodded.  Elena was not sincere, but she probably believed that they should have staked Angelus a long time ago.

“I have spoken to someone in Sunnydale.  We have all switched favors.  I owed you for saving Lina, she owed me from a long time back.  We are now all even.  This means I will no longer actively look for a way to restore this thing’s soul.  Do you understand? It is not our duty.”

Lindsey nodded.  He was to tired to argue.

“It is mine,” Lina said.  “I want to help.”

“Work here, stay in school.  That’s how you’ll help,” Lindsey said and smiled.

“She is expecting you.  You can go whenever you want to,” Elena said.  “Her name is Tesa.  Don’t expert her to do more than this favor.”

Chapter 47


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