Have a Little Faith, Chapter 29

Chapter 29

“Let her sleep,” Lindsey said softly, when Faith entered the room.  Cordelia had kept a bedside vigil.  They would not let her stay all the time, but she showed up as soon as visiting hours started and left when they were finished.  She had fallen asleep in the pink hospital chair.  Someone had put a blanket over her possibly Lindsey or a nurse.  Faith had kept similar hours but she still had to deal with visions and patrolling.  Luckily Buffy was here and they could do it together.   Buffy was leaving town today and Faith already missed her.

Lindsey was sitting up in bed.  It had been four days since Angelus attacked him and the hospital planned to release him today.  He had stayed in ICU for only a day.  His neck was still ugly with bruises, his voice was still raspy and he would probably have a scar on his cheek from where Angelus had hit him with the letter opener.  He would also have one on his stomach where Drusilla has stabbed him.

“She’s exhausted.  I’ve tried to get her to not spend so much time here—but she’s pretty persistent.”

“Pushy you mean?” Faith said and smiled. “And I wasn’t planning on waking her.” She went over to him and put her arms around him.  The hug felt wonderful to the both of them. “That’s for being alive.” She said and did not want to let him go.  She liked his touch, even his scent of not showering for a few days. Here he was, safe, away from Angelus and out of immediate danger.

“I didn’t finish—“ he said, as Faith finished her embrace.

“You did tons, without you, Cordelia, Tina Perkins, Alex, me and that’s just a few of us-- We’d all be dead if it wasn’t for you.  That far makes up for anything you’ve ever done.”

 Lindsey did not reply.

“Come on, Shortcake.  You did good.  You made up for whatever you did in the past—“ Faith paused.  When Lindsey did not look convinced, she decided to start being honest with him.  She walked away for a moment and stared at the ugly hospital art designed to make the hospital more cheerful, but only made it more depressing. She turned back around.  For the last four days all she had wanted to do was cry, but right now she took a deep breath and kept her tears in. “Look—this ain’t easy for me to say, cause I’m not really a feelings type of person.  Remember when you told me to keep your morals safe?”

He nodded.  “I trusted you with them.  You’re a good person Faith.  I knew you would look after them.”

“When you did that, you do somethin’ great for me.  There’s a lot you don’t know about me.  I was getting close to being a real bad girl.  I’ve done things I’m not proud of.  I was so jealous of Buffy and her life that I could have killed her.  I mean it, I swear.  All these terrible thoughts were in my head.  I was heading for a downfall.  Then you—“ she paused and took a deep breath. “You trusted me to keep you on the straight and narrow.  It was the best thing that anyone has ever done for me.  But, what you didn’t know is that you kept me on my path too.”

 Lindsey did not respond.  He was looking beyond Faith to the doorway. Faith turned around.  Buffy was standing at the doorway.  She looked a little concerned and embarrassed.

“I—um--” she said, “was just about to head back to Sunnydale.”

“Hi, Buffy,” Lindsey said and smiled, to release some of the tension.  It was obvious that Buffy had heard some of the conversation.

“Hi, Lindsey,” she said and smiled.  She came over and gave him a small kiss on the cheek that was not bandaged.  “That’s for everything.  For all you’ve done.  Whoever you were before you are not anymore.  I hope you can forgive me for being a bitch the first time we met.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he replied.  “I wouldn’t have trusted me either.”

Buffy turned around to Faith and Faith was happy she kept her smile.

“You heard it?” Faith asked.  “What I said.  About how I felt about you?”

She nodded.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t feel that way now.  Not even a tiny little bit.  You believe me right?”

Buffy nodded then smiled.  She walked over to Faith and held her tightly.  “You’re not the same Faith from Sunnydale.  You’ve changed.  I can see it.  You’ve become better.”

“You’re an adult now,” Lindsey said.  “And taking responsibilities.”

“Wesley doesn’t know.  I’m turning 18 in two months.”

“That doesn’t make you an adult,” Lindsey explained.  “Maturity does.  And I believe you already fulfilled that a long time ago.”

 Faith looked back at Lindsey.  She was so happy that he was away from Angelus’ clutches.

“Listen, I have to go,” Buffy said.  “I’ve already missed a lot of classes.  Professors don’t care that you have to save the world.”

Faith turned around and hugged the other slayer again.  She no longer felt any of the jealousy.  It was all gone.  Buffy had her good life with her mom and her friends and Faith had her good life too with Lindsey, Doyle, Alex and Wesley.  She could even grow to love Cordelia.  They were her family now.

“Keep yourself cool, B,” Faith said.  “And thanks for everything.  We never would have saved Shortcake if it wasn’t for you.”

Buffy smiled.  “Goodbye Faith, Goodbye Lindsey.”

Lindsey nodded.

Neither of them said anything until Buffy was gone from the room.

“She’s a really good person.”

“And so are you,” Lindsey said. “Don’t ever think you aren’t.”

Faith smiled.  “You are too, I know you don’t believe it.  But you had to see us when we came together to rescue you.  We were like a super commando unit.  All of this cause we wanted you back alive.  We all think you did good.  We don’t care what you did in the past.  We didn’t want you dead.”

Lindsey did not reply.  Faith could still see he felt guilty, but some of the guilt had lifted.

“What are you going to do now?”

“Help you, of course.  We still have work to do and without my inside information we have to do it fast.”

Faith nodded. She embraced him once more just so she could convince herself he was alive and really free from Wolfram and Hart.

He kept touching his neck.  Cordelia was alone with Lindsey while he packed boxes in his apartment.  He planned to get rid of what he did not need. He was going to stay with Cordelia until he got a place of his own.  Though Cordelia wanted him to stay with her permanently, they had never discussed anything in the hospital about their relationship and the future.

He touched his neck again and took a deep breath.  The bruises were beginning to fade.  He was seeing a plastic surgeon next week about the scar.  Oddly enough he would still be covered until Wolfram and Hart’s medical plan for one more month.  He had received his termination papers in the mail. They had done everything by the book.  Though everyone was worried if Wolfram and Hart would make a true attempt at terminating Lindsey.

Cordelia could tell he was still fearful from the hanging incident and did not feel it prudent to bring up anything about Wolfram and Hart and their relationship.  All they did for the past few days was talk about normal things like books, TV, her career, acting, movies; nothing about psychopathic vampires.  She did want to talk about it.  She just was not sure when to bring it up.

“You sure about this?”  The apartment was beautiful.  They had spent the last few days in it.  Lindsey had already sold it within a day of putting it on the market. He had to be out at the end of the week.  He was packing up the few trinkets he wanted.  He looked different.  Wearing jeans, cowboy boots, and a tee-shirt had changed his whole persona.  The boots gave him some elevation and she was wearing flats but she was still a little taller than he was.

“Sure about what?” he responded and smiled.  He looked at this vase that the interior decorator had picked out and decided to chuck it.  Most of the stuff here he did not pick out.

He looked at Cordelia.  Just being with her, seeing her and knowing they did not have to sneak around was almost enough to fill that void of his failure.  “Leaving this Wolfram and Hart paid for apartment?  Yes.”

“No, getting rid of all this nice stuff.”  She said, touching the leather couch.

“I don’t need it.”  He had found his copy of White Ninja in the back of the closet.  He decided to keep it.

“It seems a shame—“

Lindsey shook his head.  “I’m going to find a much smaller apartment than this one.”

Cordelia smiled.  “Will there be room for two?”

Lindsey did not respond right away.  He was being truthful when they had their night together.  He would love to spend his life with her.  But despite escaping Angelus, he still felt they would be in danger.

“I don’t know,” he admitted.

“But I thought this was love at first sight?” she said, brightly.

Lindsey smiled. He touched her face. “I love you, Cordelia,” he admitted.  “I think I did the moment I laid eyes on you back when you were just a high school student.  But now Angelus is after me.  He’ll come after you too.”

“I can take care of myself,” she retorted and crossed her arms.

“I could never live with myself if anything happened to you,” he said, touching her chin and looking into her brown eyes.

“Besides we don’t know anything about each other.”

“There’s plenty of time to learn.  I’m a former uptight rich girl from Sunnydale.  How about you?”

Lindsey smiled.  “I’m a poor country boy from Oklahoma.  I even got an old red pick up truck in storage.  Don’t know why I keep it.”

“See,” Cordelia said.  “We know each other already and you will be getting rid of that pick up truck, sooner, rather than later.”


“Tough,” she said and put her finger on his lips.

“I like wearing jeans and t-shirts over expensive suits.”

Cordelia smiled.  “We can fix that too.   You’re not getting rid of me, Lindsey McDonald.  We got you out of this.  I finally got you. Angelus could kill one of us tomorrow.  You really want to die knowing that we could have some time together?  Angelus will probably go after me whether we stay together or not.  We might as well stay together.”


“Tough shit, you got me, I’m staying.  I’m Alex’s assistant and I’m helping Faith save the world.  In fact forget about finding a new apartment you’re staying with me for good and you can’t get out of it because Cordelia Chase always gets what she wants,” she said and stuck her tongue out at him.

There was nothing Lindsey could do but grab her and kiss her passionately.


Lindsey and Cordelia pulled away and when they saw who was standing at the door they both looked uncomfortable and moved away even further.

Holland Manners stood at the doorway.  He was dressed in a suit but the jacket was missing.  He looked as calm and collected as he usually did.

“What do you want?” Lindsey said, coldly.

“Oh, dropping some papers off.  I heard there was an open house.”

“It’s already been sold.”

Holland smiled.  “I know. Can’t I stop by and say hello?”

Lindsey shook his head.  “I got my termination papers in the mail.  I believe that means I’m through with Wolfram and Hart.”

“Hello Cordelia,” Holland said and smiled at her.  She looked even more uncomfortable.

“Get out,” Lindsey said, sternly.  He did not want to see Cordelia experience even a moment of discomfort.

“But don’t you want to hear what I have to say.  Why I decided to drop by?”

Lindsey walked over to Holland and grabbed him gently by the shoulders.  “Not particularly.”

“I’m proud of you.”

That made Lindsey stop.  It was the last thing he expected Holland to say.


“What you did, you stood up to us and survived.  I’m very proud of you—“

“Lindsey,” Cordelia said.  “Be careful.  I know a mind game when I hear one.  Just kick him out.”

“It’s not a mind game, dear. What you did was very commendable and especially for how long you did it.  I was very impressed.”

“What’s your point,” then quickly added “Holland.”

“You’ve changed.  You stood up to us, to Angelus and now you finally have the guts to call me by my first name.”

“What is your point, Holland,” he repeated with sarcasm in his voice.

“There’s an opening for you in the New York City office.  A thundering raise and benefits.”

“You want me to work for Wolfram and Hart again?” Lindsey questioned, not believing what he was hearing.

“We need independent types like you.  It’s a lot of money.  You and Cordelia here can have anything you want in life.  I know all about her finances.  How her parents lost all their money and she makes only 20 thousand a year and I know you are not going to make a lot of money as an independent.  I can guarantee that.  Six figures, Lindsey, and I understand that it was Angelus that made you do this.  There’s no Angelus in New York, just lots of opportunities.”

Lindsey looked at Cordelia.  Yes.  He would love to make sure she had everything she wanted in life.  He could tell that she was thinking the same thing.  Not seriously, but still considering.

Then he touched his neck.    He felt all the pain and all the disappointment if he did this.  He could not do this.  Not if he ever wanted to look into the eyes of the people who stood by him in the last year.  Not if he ever wanted to look into the mirror again.

He did not get a chance to respond, because he was interrupted by a voice.

“’Scuse me.”

Lindsey and Cordelia could see it was Faith, but Holland could not.  He turned around and Faith decked him.  It was definitely lighter from when she hit Lindsey during the Russell Winters’ incident, but it still knocked Holland to the ground.  He got up quickly, straightened his suit, but did not say anything.

“Sorry, Holland,” Lindsey said.  “Faith still has possession of my morals.  Faith, what does my morals say?”

“They said, Wolfram and Hart guy, don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.”

Holland straightened his suit again.  “You’re regret this Lindsey.  I could have kept you alive, but now you have no chance.”

“Don’t worry about me,” he said, then suddenly felt a little sympathetic. “Angelus is up to something and as soon as Wolfram and Hart supply him with what he needs, he’s going to kill you all.”

“You really think you know that?”

“Holland, he’s up to something.  First it was just him, now there are four vampires who are working for him, all from his bloodline and one of them knows a lot about Wolfram and Hart.”

“We have a handle on the situation.  Right now, he’s far angrier over the escape of you and the slayer.  This is your last chance, Lindsey.  I suggest you take it before something unpleasant happens to you and the people you care about.  I cannot guarantee what Angelus will do in the future.”

“Can I have my morals back, Faith?”

Faith nodded. “They are all yours, shortcake.”

“What you are doing Holland is wrong, it’s evil and it hurts people.  I know, because I’ve been there.  I refused to be there any longer.  Not for all the money in existence.  I know why you are here Holland.”

Holland smiled in amusement.  “Why?”

“You are here because you can’t bare the thought of a soul escaping the darkness.”

"You are wrong, Lindsey.  It has nothing to do with Evil, but who has the power--" Holland did not get a chance to finish, because they were interrupted by a woman entering the room.

“Mr. McDonald?”

Lindsey nodded.

“I am Mrs. Kline from the Salvation Army.  We’re here to pick up the furniture.”

Holland said no more.  He saw that his manipulation would not work here.  He quickly departed the room.

“Yes,” Lindsey said, looking around the apartment and at his old life. “I’ve labeled everything that has to go.”

Part 30


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