In the Name of Allah, The Merciful , The Compassionate
I was seeking Truth since age 14 , I studied philosophy in order to come closer to Truth , but -on the contrary- it drove me even farther from it. I became agnostic.
I doubted everything, even the capacity of the human brain to discover the Truth.I decided to burn all my books and enjoy life like fools do but I fell ill - this illness gave me time and profoundness - sick people are so sensitive and spiritually transparent because they suffer. Then, by chance, I read an article on Taoism explaining how one can only understand Taoism if he doubts his mind and unlearn western principles - I felt that I was really in this stage and that a door was opening to me. Not long afterwards, I received a gift of occult and esoteric books, Before, I would have considered such things as superstitions but since I doubted everything ,religion had now equal chances with me as any other supposition. After I enjoyed reading these books (making everything around us mysterious and alive, holding a spiritual and a cosmic meaning not a dead materialistic reality) I found that I couldn't understand a lot of concepts because they were drawn from religious Scriptures - So next I read the Bible and Koran(of course any human would love the Torah & Gospels) but the Koran had such an impact on me that I felt God breaking the barriers to touch my soul and mind with power... I was shaking and in tears from the words that resonated so deep in my core and I fell prostrating to Him. Soon after, I discovered Sufism and considered Rene Guenon as my Spiritual Guide (considering all Religions as a part of the''Perennial Tradition'')
What the Koran did was answering TOTALLY All my questions & doubts --(no wise book nor intelligent priest or scientist was able to achieve that with me before) The most unusual thing was that God stated all my doubts, one by one then refuted them with authority & logic ...
Only God - Al Haqq (The Truth) satisfied my skeptical soul...I was repeating to myself:" how silly, proud and blind I was...How Dear was He to care to convince me although I fought against guidance all my life, and How much He was powerful and I a minus-than-dust creature was opposing Him...How miraculously He Healed my skeptical soul.." And throughout all theses years afterwards, I have ,daily, new personal and universal proofs ...but who needs them anymore?
Now I'm a practicing Muslimah, so far my journey was mainly an intellectual one; it's time to work on spiritual discipline i.e. try to purify my heart to re-unite with my Creator .. I'm still a beginner struggling against my ego.
Nonetheless, the Harmony and Serenity of Faith fills my life.
Praise be to The "Holy" One. |
