Don't get me wrong, I don't have any reason to be a kid who has listened too much Blood For Blood. I don't want to even glorify it. This will probably be a fucking emo crying blaah-blaah article, but I hope not...
When you meet me at first you probably would think �what was that anti-social bullshit?� because if someone came to talk with me I'm nice and try to keep up the conversation. I think I can get along with all kinds of people. But I think that's the best I can do. I mean, I know people and they know me, but that's all. I really want to get to know those people better, but I can't just go and say: "You seem cool. Would you like to be my friend?" To me it's hard to talk people without a reason. I know the reason why it's so hard. Why would some stranger want to hear my opinions? I've seen guys who speak their opinions even if someone hasn't asked for it. That's fucking annoying.
At gigs I see many people who know me and I know them, but when I meet them it always goes something like: "Hi! What's up?" "Nothing special. And you?" "Well, Not anything. I just spent all my money on records" Then comes a silent moment and that's it. I don't know what I should say after that. I should get to know people better so I can talk with them. �Boo-fucking-hoo! Tuomas has a problem with talking to people!,� you might think and I understand it damn well.
One reason why I have only have a couple of friends I know well (or I think I do) is that I never really go anywhere. Of course I go to gigs, but that's it. Maybe it�s because I don't really like hanging out on the street, it takes 30 kilometers to go somewhere, and actually I do like to be at home.
Maybe that's why I usually feel myself to be an outcast; sometimes even when I'm with my friends. Of course it's up to me, but it's like there's some kind of shield around me. Very often it depends on my mood. If I'm fucked up I feel more or less like an outcast no matter where I am.
After reading this you may think that I'm depressed person, but actually I'm not. Most of the time I'm actually happy even if I feel that I'm more or less an outcast. It's nobody else�s fault expect mine so recognize the truth. But enough emo crying for now. At least this was kind of therapeutic...
(I listened to the Anti-Heros That's Right/Don't Tread On Me CD while writing this)