I am currently feeling a rather intense dosage of my normally intense apathy/rage/hate/pity. I hate my country. America is the bullshit capital of the world. We invented filth. It pains me to see all this bullshit happening to iraq and afganistan. Please oh wise cockfuckers, oh please great god bush, tell me who to hate. I am not into follow the leader anymore. I feel like suffocating in my toilet or beating a small child with a monkey wrench. Maybe I'm just an irrational person.

I always take too much thought about what others think of me. It haunts my brain and polutes my thoughts. I dont let it effect my life, but it sure fucks with my head. I walk past my old school and I see all the people I never knew and didnt want to know. I remember when I would of killed to be like that. Ive become a total elitist asshole. Ithink I'm better than everyone around me. But at the same time I dont. I applied for a job at taco bell and I hope I get it. Work is stupid, But I want to try it. I dont want to live off anyone else, atleast not completely

Everything seems so confusing. If ask a question, it seems to me chalked up to my age. I'm only sixteen, so thats my problem. Yeah, growing older will solve everything. Ive changed so much within the last three years that It scares the hell out of me to think about how much I will change in a year. I never look the same in a picture taken of me within a two day period. I change so much it seems like I'm trying. Does it ever seem like people only agree with you to shut you up? I try to say what I mean, but it wont come out. Misunderstandings make me a liar and a fool. I want to eat the world with honesty, to pepper my saliva with reality. It seems thats what everyone needs. A needle injection of reality. I spend too much of my life being sedated by a machine. staring offf into the glowing abyss. I'm not sure about anything. My morals change constantly. My opinions of people shift with the weather.

I feel like Its all an act a big lie. Ised to lie to get away from myself. To create a better world. Ive realized tht loneliness is something that will stay with you forever. No matter how many friends you have. No matter how much love is in your mind.I want to stop breathing, but I love it too much. I eat air live I heat a bag of chips. Sloppy and fast. thats how i work, only its usually slow not fast. I juge everyone that I know very harshly and I'm not sure why. I make stasndards that simply do not exist. I am a leaderer and a follower: If I sleep too long I will forget who I am.

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