AN: this is the Very Secret Diary, based off of a combination of Helen Fielding’s “Bridget Jones” books and CassandraClaire’s Very Secret Diaries for “The Fellowship of the Ring.”  This particular secret diary is set during “Squire”, and was a response to The Dancing Dove’s Very Secret Diary challenge.  Go to the Dove.  It’s wonderful.

 

The Very Secret Diary of Lord Wyldon of Cavall   

Day 1: Last squires were claimed.  Lioness took Queenscove.  Don’t know who to feel sorry for.  Raoul has Mindelan.   

Am worried, as Raoul is known for sleeping with anyone he works with. 

Miss working with Raoul.

Day 6: Began training pages.  Jesslaw taught first-years to call me “Stump.” 

Pretended not to hear.  Blamed tears on sunlight.

I hate my job.

On bright side, got monthly “resign or die” letter from Lioness. 

Day 14: Mindelan defeated centaur in combat.  Used stupid pig-sticker instead of real weapon.

Why train them, if they ignore it?  I hate my job.

Day 52: Many squires back from field.  Feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Day 53: Ate dinner with Inness of Mindelan.  Think he was trying to play footsie under the table.  Pretended not to notice.  Has been long time since played footsie with anyone.  Miss working with Raoul.

Yamani savage came to mess hall.  Pretty savage, nonetheless. 

Day 57: Have heard rumor that Queen is learning pig-sticker fighting from Mindelan and Yamani savage-princess.  Have lost all faith in Tortall.

If King makes me teach weapon, I’ll quit.

Day 79: Arm hurts.  Will snow soon.

Day 90: Stone Mountain on trial today.  Accused me of being forced to pass Mindelan.  Hmph. 

Wish I had Lioness’s temper.  Would’ve smacked the little bastard.

Mindelan confronted King after court.  Stupid girl. 

Day 92: Midwinter party.  Found Raoul snogging the Prime Minister in the book room.  Wonder what job they’ve been assigned together.

Arm hurts.  Will snow soon.

Day 132: Pages getting very boring. No more fights, since Mindelan left.  Fewer punishments.

I hate my job. 

Day 165: Pages still boring.  Dropped hint to King that border-post would be nice change.  King said pages can’t go on border patrol.  Stupid King.

I hate my job.

Day 206: Big exams.  Got rid of eight pages.  Feeling much better. 

Day 374: King offered “break” by way of Royal Progress.  Pages out of hair, finally.

Challenged Mindelan to a joust.  Broke favorite lance.  Felt better after knocking her out of saddle.

Day 460: Stone Mountain dead.  Genlith broken.  Have failed as Training Master.  King finally let me resign.

Leaving in three days.  Feel like dancing.

Day 461: Mindelan came blubbering.  Told her to buck up and take it like a man.  (well, wanted to, anyway…) 

Asked me to take Jesslaw as squire.  Beginning to miss my old job.

Arm hurts.  Will snow tonight.

Day 475: received new letter from Lioness.  No longer “resign or die.”  Now “return or die.”  Don’t understand her.

Day 592: Beginning to feel like an accessory character.

Want old job back.  

Day 599: Challenged Mindelan in tilting again.  Won. (of course.)  That should secure featured role in next book.