| THE WORLDS FUNNIEST JOKES... |
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| CLICK FOR MORE OF THE GREATEST JOKES EVER (!) warning mature content. |
| Here is one of my personal favz... 1) Man Who Loved Baked Beans (rated U) Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!" To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party. |
| SHORTER JOKES BELOW FOR THE SLOWER MINDED |
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| WHY DID THE MAN THROW THE BUTTER OUT OF THE WINDOW.. BECAUSE HE WANTED TO SEE BUTTERFLY! |
| WHAT DID THE GRAPE SAY WHEN IT WAS STEPPED ON.... NOTHING IT LET OUT A LITTLE WINE |
| WHAT DID THE BUISCUIT SAY WHEN IT GOT RUN OVER.... OH CRUMBS! |
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| Brought it on Yourself
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself." |
| There were 3 women lost in a jungle a red head, brunette and blonde, they got caught by a native tribe and were going to be killed immediately. But they all got 1 last wish. The Red head went first, she was quite clever and so when they said any last requests she yelled 'flood'! and pointed everyone turned around and she ran. The Brunette got the idea now and so when the gun man said anylast requests she yelled Avalanche! and ran. Now the blonde got the idea and thought it was a good one too...so the gun man says any last requests and she yells FIRE! |
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