The

Navigation

Pane

Home

Hate Mail

The Articles

The Archives

Worthy Links

Sign the Guestbook      View the Guestbook

Questions?  Comments?  Hate Mail?  Contact the webmaster.

December 29, 2004

   A Fan's Views on Trucker Hats

   So yeah,  a fan of mine wrote me a letter about his views on trucker hats and some other shit like that.  He requested that I post it on my site.  Since this anonymous fan is someone I know personally, I grant his request.  The following is a reflection of an experience he had one day:

   Today sadly, I remembered why I hate god forsaken malls.  Usually I avoid malls at all costs, but today we decided scope out our local mall for some stuff that I needed.  So after a whole entire 3 and a half minutes and after passing 2 star bucks in that time, I started getting irritable.  It wasn't the foreigners rudely brushing past me in feeble attempts and catching the last pair of panties on the clearance rack, NO!  It wasn't the super hot soccer moms with their star buck's coffee in hand sucking it down like a golden penis that cummed diamonds, running around in circles like they were on crack.  It wasn't the kids that the parents' had avoided taken care of who ran without a care in the world.  It wasn't the fucking cell phone guys trying to shove a cell phone down your throat as you pass their booths and it wasn't the idiots trying to sell the gimmick toys that fly up in the air barely missing your head when it comes crashing down.  Know what it was?

   Chicks in trucker hats.

   There were tons of these trendy half naked girls walking around wearing these god awful trucker hats.  It took all the strength in my body not to knock them off as they passed me, one by one as if I were shooting kittens in an alley.  And what is up with the chunky chicks who try to squeeze their baby fat guts into their low rider jeans, wearing just a tube top, so I can get an eye full of ass crack and milky stretched out belly?  PLEASE PARENTS MONITOR THIS SHIT!  I swear to god my eyes hurt so bad I think I'm going blind.

   But back to these trendy Britney Spear's clones who are wearing these VON BECK hats and walk around like they are super teens?  Know what this shows me?  That they are weak minded followers.  In another few years these will be the same chicks that are giving it up to every guy in high school and carry more STD'S than Madonna.  I saw one girl who was wearing a JOHN DEERE trucker hat with a matching JOHN DEERE T-Shirt.  When I walked past, I started laughing so hard that I started choking on my super larger than life salty mall pretzel.

   The only way these trucker hats should be worn is IF you are a very hot, naked chick.  If you're not a hot, naked chick, go outside and burn your trucker hat now!  In fact send them to me and I'll have a huge bond fire of trucker hats, and I'll even roast marshmallows with them and piss on the ashes.

   Come on boys and girls, I know society has you brainwashed and you have no direction in life other than to go out and buy the new Britney Spears cd and hang out at the mall, but get a grip, get some individuality and get a fucking clue.

   When I read the above fan written letter, I decided to write a letter back.  But, instead of sending it to him, I decided to post it on this page.  The following is my letter of response:

   Dear Anonymous,

   I must say, our views on pop culture styles are undoubtedly the same.  I hate ugly chicks who think they're all bad ass and super cool and shit like that, and that is a majority of the female population at my school.  I pass by them everyday and think, "What the fuck?"  I also hate fat chicks who wear tube tops and low rider jeans.  I don't see why you hate the mall.  The mall is the place to buy stuff, and should not be hated.  I see no fucking reason why you should hate Starbucks, and I especially see no reason as to why you would use such a fucking disgusting simile. 

   No matter how much you would want them to, a lot of parents won't give a fuck what their kids wear.  You say that the Britney Spears clones are "weak minded followers," yet you come to me and ask me to post your rant on my site.  Would this make you a weak minded follower as well?  I do not believe that all of these Britney Spears clones will eventually carry more STD's than Madonna, as I do not know how many STD's Madonna has.  You say that the only way a person should be allowed to wear a trucker hat is if they are some hot naked chick.  I do not agree.  The only way someone can wear a trucker hat is if I say so.  My opinion is superior. 

   Why would you make a bond fire out of trucker hats?  You should sell them to more stupid people.  You would piss on the ashes?  Hmm...I believe you are a bit of a weak minded follower.  If I'm correct, I believe I've said that I would burn (object) and piss on the ashes.  Oh wait, here are some examples where I said I would burn something and piss on the ashes:

   February 10, 2004 - I still hate people who are dumb and don't like to do shit with their lives.  They should be put into manual labor.  If you read the world history statistics, then you might get an idea of what I'm talking about.  These kids who think they're all bad and have an I.Q. lower than that of an average 5th grader should either be: 1.) put into some kind of manual work like coal mining or something like that, or 2.) be punished by me.  My punishment will proceed as follows: 1.) I douse the person in kerosene, 2.) with a lighter or a lit match in hand, I torch the person, 3.) I piss on the ashes.  Think I'm cruel?  No.  I'd be doing the world a favor by ridding it of people who accommodate to the increasing shittiness that is today's society.

   August 28, 2004 - Freshmen are so fucking stupid!  Not once did I read a paper that was actually worth the 5 points I gave.  Some of the freshmen's responses to what caught their attention were "I read the back, and it looked good" or "It has a cool title." I also read shitty assed reasons as to why they thought the book was interesting, which included "I liked the movie" or "The other book was good" or "It is cool."  It is cool?  WHAT THE FUCK.  If it were up to me, I would not give them a chance to become educated and burn all the freshmen who wrote their first reading log like the above example and piss on all the ashes.  All the freshmen will end up being worthless pieces of shit, just like they are now.  Fuck, when I was a freshman, I actually did work that was worth grading.  If my children ever do "work" like that shit, they will do calisthenics for no less than 45 minutes, even when they are little.

   As you can now tell, you are no different than these "clones" when it comes to being a follower.

   Anyways, that's that.  I posted the fan written letter and responded to it.  It reminds me of a rant I was working on a few months back.  If I feel like it, I'll finish it and post it.

© Shitsoft Inc.  All rights reserved.