Shit

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Today's Subject: How AOL is Stupid and Should be Burned by People Like Me. By: Donald Piring

Face it, AOL is one of the shittiest ISPs ever. Not only have I seen it, I've experienced it, and I did not enjoy it. AOL is stupid. AOL is shitty. AOL would easily be biting the dust of ISPs such as NetZero High Speed if people weren't so stupid in general. Last year, AOL sent us a DSL modem and charged us $100, for reasons I do not know of. I find it skeptical that someone would have AOL with an instant Cable/DSL connection, just to pay extra money for a crappy service that's so easy to use. I can get pretty much everything AOL has with just a regular dialup connection without AOL. I think AOL should be used by the following people:

The Ignorant Fool: You love AOL. You babble on about how AOL is a great service, yet you are belittled by your computer nerd friends, like me. Without AOL, you can’t imagine how the Internet is accessed. You are unaware of the other ISPs because you suck.

The Parentally Inconvenienced One: You hate AOL. You use AOL as your connection because your parents trust AOL and they believe that spending an extra $10 on a 100 kb/s connection is useless.

The Freebie: You find those discs near the exit of Target to use an AOL 4500+ Hour Trial as a method of accessing the Internet. When your Trial finishes, you either: wipe out your hard drive or get another disc with another CD-Key.

The AOL Slave: You work for AOL, and are unaware of the beneficial uses of using another ISP. However, since the company President has awarded you with free AOL service for your actions (spying on subscribing children and reporting to their parents about what naughty sites they have visited and making other people’s lives a pile of shit [similar to my life with AOL]), you don’t care. But the only way to keep getting free AOL is by being the Company Bitch, running all of these errands for your superior officers and accomplishing nothing really great.

I can get pretty much everything AOL possesses with just a regular dialup connection without AOL. Let us compare AOL's "benefits" and The Better ISP:

AOL's Benefits	The Better ISP
AOL's E-mail system is so easy to use!	Use another service (Hotmail, Yahoo, etc.)
Keep kids safe with parental controls	Know anything about NetNanny? IE options?
AOL has an Instant Messaging system	Use AIM, ICQ, MSN Messenger, etc.
AOL has a pop-up blocker	According to Kitto, this is actually something AOL is useful for. You can use Ad-Aware.
AOL deletes spy-ware	AOL's parental controls are basically spy-ware
Great Price	Want good dialup price? NetZero. Otherwise, get a faster connection.

AOL has it's commercials that everyone loves, especially when there's the 2-D guy running on the treadmill, no? Is it certain that AOL will run faster for you? Sure, AOL has tons of commercials. But come on, Ho Ho, I'm Santa. Get Comcast.

Has AOL ever failed you? You might be thinking, "Heavens, no! AOL can't do that! That is preposterous!" AOL is preposterous, you dopey twat. Is it recommended that you immediately call Customer Support when someone somehow steals your password or some other disaster happens? Yes, I know it's happened to you. So, you'll call AOL, no? They're based probably on the East Coast or something, which means you'll be calling long distance. Then you'd tell the assistant, "Oh, my gosh! What do I do about error 3rjhb3uygq34?" She'll probably say, "Please hold on while we direct you to Technical Support. Thank you for your cooperation, on behalf of AOL and all your fellow AOL subscribers." So, you'll wait another 20 minutes to finally talk to someone after listening to the elevator music you hear when you're on hold. So, the technician will ask about the problem. You'll ask, "What will I do about Error 432kjh245?" He'll reply, "I'm sorry, but I cannot help. You will now be directed to Master Technical Support." So, you'll wait another 1/2 hour to connect. And then, you'll be talked to by the creator of AOL, whoever that may be. You ask, "Sir or Ma'am, what will I do about Error 234kh53?" Then, AOL's Creator says, "I'm sorry, but I cannot help you here. You will be redirected to Microsoft Technical Support. Have a nice day." As determined as you are to get back onto the Internet, you stay on hold as you are directed to Microsoft Technical Support in Washington state. SO, Steve Ballmer picks up the phone, gives a little WHOO, asks you the problem, and you tell him that you were directed by AOL because they couldn't fix Error 43jkb. Mr. Ballmer gives me the phone, and I hear your problem. My answer to your query (fixing Error 35jhb): "You are dumb." So, you have just spent enough time on a long distance phone call that will cost more than a one month service payment to AOL.

Shit, I remember when Infoseek was taken over by AOL. My first site was on Infoseek, too. So, that first site was no more. On top of that, we all lost a highly reliable search engine.

But no, you're thinking, "AOL is not terrible. This article is totally biased and the webmaster is obviously fucked up in his mind!" Well, dipshit, let me explain. Sure, AOL was great when it first came out, I'm sure. That was the only way I could access the Internet, since I was only a little kid. Do you believe this article is totally biased? You can go get off of your skimpy ass and talk to anyone who has above basic knowledge about computers and/or the Internet and mention AOL. They'll be more than likely to tell you that AOL sucks and should be burned, as I have told you, unless this gimp you're talking to works for AOL and will become one of the many scapegoats of a failed Internet empire. Think I'm fucked up in my mind? Hmm, that is a possibility, I admit. Well, do what you will about your ISP. I'm telling you, Reader, that AOL is basically a worthless piece of shit company.