I tell ya, that maqn of mine never stops surprising me!! I guess I should not surprise, but never ceases to amaze me.

This weekend we began a new case. It appears to be a very exciting one. He has not been drinking and does nto appear to want to. He has been working his business and has been planning ahead. He has been decorating for Hallowe'en and is doing a fantastic job. You can see the merriment and the child in him when he does this. Professionaly I must say this is very healthy, personally I love to see him let the child out.

He is an amazing man; comlicated at times, and he can be frustrating, but an amazing man never the less. He is always thinking. planning, and pondering.

I find it difficult at times to show my emotions. I am very excited about our business and our life together, I know I do not always show it, I have just learned over the years that if you show too much excitment or enjoyment somone will try to take it away from me. Just like those assholes on the bear site. The more I discussed my happiness and love they harder they tried to squeeze in between. I know these Gay fuckers better than my boyfriend, he saw them as harmelss, I know the Gay world better than he, and they were not playing or just joking around, Gay men like those is what gives us all a bad name. They do not like to see others happy because they will nto allow themselves to be happy!

I hope he does not think I am not happy or excited, he has been wonderful to me and for me.

I love him very much and I want him to be happy,,,,even if his happiness means leaving me and Sam!!! OOOOH God Forbid!! But, I think he is very happy where he is and I am happy where he is, so I guess we are both winners in this.