It has been awhile since I last posted, not that anyone actually reads this but it is treatment for me.

Many things have happened since my last entry. 

My boyfriend has dropped his bear group, so have I. He has dropped his female groups, not because I was upset just because it was no longer free. His #1 girlfriend is still a sweety, she visits once in a awhile. His #2 girlfriend is something else. She is so lonely and appears to be doing whatever she can to win over his heart. I feel that he does care for her but that is all. He may say that he loves her but it is more like a freindship love. I feel sorry for her, I know what it is like to be fat and lonely, the first person that shows us attention or acts like they are attracted to us we latch on like leach. However, the extra money and stuff he gets form her is a blessing!!

We went to Loiusville, Ky last weekend. It was fantastic to spend the weekend with him and not have to worry about people just dropping by. Not that we did anything romantic or sexual, but it was just less stress. It was a paranormal convention with a tour of the Waverly Sanatorium. It was a fantastic weekend. We have both been exaughsted since. This weekend we will be exploring a new site.

It was so heart warming to see his face glow while we were in Ky. He is working so hard to make a name in this field, and he will, if he doesn't die from exaughstion!  I just do not understand how he can drink beer everyday all day. He has been doing this for over a month now.  He gets things accomplished, he does what he needs to do, he accomplishes goals. I just do not understand how anyone would want to feel drunk all of the time. I am also concerned for his health, his liver, his ulcers. But, he is an adult and he makes his own choices. I love him no matter what. I just hope that the drinking doesn't cause him to lose the credibility that he deserves and needs, escpecially when things really get off of the ground for him and others complain about his beer smell and he gets a bad reputation, some people are wierd about these things, and there will be others who think that his findings are unreliable because he had been drinking at the time, which would not be the case, but you know how it is when tongues start wagging.

He deserves so much, he is someone who never had the support he needed to stretch his wings and fly. I know that he has the potential and the drive to be as successful as he wants to be. However, how others had treated him about his dreams and goals keep popping back into his head. He needs to erase those tapes and only listen to the positive things that are true for him that I tell him. I feel that when he does so he will begin hearing positive things from others also.

We are begining to act like an more mature couple now, We can disagree, argue, get loud, and then laugh it off or go tell each other to fuck off and still know that we love and respect each other. Money is getting very short and I know he is trying to get a job but the area is bleak when it comes to jobs. I just need to tighten the old money belt. But there is so much he needs and deserves,  but we do need to pay our bills. He knows this and I know that is bothers him, hopfully things will change soon.

I love him very much, I no longer control him, and he seems to be less stressed with me. I just wish he thought better of himself and took better care of himself, and of course I wish we had more sex!! But hey, at least he loves me!!