Tout le Monde,

How devastating life can be.  I was born to love, made to love, epitomises every possibility of love.  I always thought that I would have it someday.  Luckily in my life, I have experienced it three times prior to this relationship and even with this one I had felt a periodic sting of love or at least what I thought it was to be.

Cloud nine I must say with this boy.  The Tall Oinker has suade me to fall again bringing feelings I thought I'd never experience again since the last one.  I met him and he showed me somebody so amazing I couldn't hardly believe.  As much as I wanted to take my time and be careful to whom I started a relationship with, in time I gave in and for a handful of months I was completely happy with this guy.  To say the least, my friends as well thought that he was amazing and that this was the one that should stay.

So where did he go?  I have no clue.  I've been officially with him but the Tall Oinker I met had checked out some time ago and left me with this crummy boy.  To say the least, my friends took notice and think that he had definately put up a front and has seen the real Oinker, which they really don't find attractive.

So what do I do?  Now, I sit and wait for my Tall Oinker to return, that wonderful guy that blew me away this past fall.  While my friends sit and watch with pity and uselessness for there are no words that can comfort me.  My friends, how stuck they feel when the one happy hyper holly has lost her spark and lost her honest smile.

That guy that I knew, I am eternally sucked into his vibes.  I've never felt such a feeling and have it just diminish on me.  Broken hearted and still with the guy I've never felt.   I was so swooned by it all that yes I do sit and wait.  The headstrong, take shit from no guy, has softened to the chained maiden awaiting her lost prince.

So I sit and wait.  Trying to live my life normal again.  Going out, hanging out, meeting new people.  How have I lost touch with myself.  Maybe that Tall Oinker will come back to me someday, hopefully him otherwise some other form.

~As I sit and wait...