Tout le Monde,

In reflection to everything that I have been through, and probably the fact that I am not entirely heated about the situation any longer, I wanted to say something about Jackard or Jerkoff, whatever name I gave him.

Now this is going to be separate from my life because I know that things between him and I would only be found in a "Once Upon A Dream".

So this I say that Jackard...

I don't think that we'll ever cross paths or rather coming from your direction.  I can't explain why I see you in my head every now and then, in good times and in bad.  I don't know what it means and I don't choose to find out.

You were this thing of mine for some time and I cherished you 110% so if through that time I ended up 'not giving you a chance' then you were blind when I did give you the obvious chance and you were difficult when it didn't seem like I would.

When I was with you I would have done anything and for the most part I have.  I think I was still in my state of optomism and also being naive, that yes I would hope that something good would come out of us, but that would be most people I think. 

After all this crap of seeping through assholes I did find a change in heart.  I didn't care much of anything serious and those dreams of mine got lost in the thick.

I still think of you everynow and then.  Not in anger or sadness. But I feel at peace.  And yes I do damn the fact that you couldn't be my friend first before I tried coming back to you.  You even replied to me saying that friendship does help.  And I think that was the only thing that kept me from you.  And no matter how many ways I had said it, you still and always will want to have it your way.

But I keep the thought of what could have been in my head.  It would have been nice... or at least fun.  For some reason I think that we just get eachother.  I like how you know me better than anyone and I like how I could spend hours upon minutes with you and never get bored.  And I think that's what it means when you're in love.  I thought I lost it somewhere.  The reason why I had asked my ex's these questions.  I wasn't sure what was wrong with me, why things would just fall apart.  On top of that I wasn't too sure what love was, how notice it, or if I had either passed it up or missed it.

So that's what I feel when I think of you.  And you can be however you want to be, hate me, despise me, never think of me again.  But whatever the loss I thought that maybe somehow you'd stumble upon reading this and maybe sometime in our lives we could meet again.

I would look forward to that. If not, at least I would keep the memories.

~Abientot...?