Tout le Monde,

,,, So I invited that guy hm ... 'JHoN' He went, I went with friends, it was a good time.  A little weird, didn't really know what to make of it so I'm just calling it a good time.

I ended up going to the city with my friends JHoN couldn't stay but that led me to tell this other guy I met GHoN, that I was going to the city.  You see GHoN lives in NY and before I had left he told me to hit him up if I ended up going there.

So we went to this one club, waited left and ended up in this lounge.  So GHoN went and I was like wow he cut his hair and looks pretty cute.  I mean both guys were pretty cute, but meeting this kid, I was like wow.  It was a good thing he was coming from another party because he was definately dressed to impress.  But that was short lived because he was dancing so close to me and I just wasn't ready for that.

It's stupid really because I've danced with guys before while I was with Hopeless, but that's all it was.  I'm dancing with this guy and I feel so awkward.  He would take my chin and turn it towards his face.  I was giggling so much because the whole eye contact thing is just not me, even if I was with a guy and into him. 

So the whole time which seemed like forever he was dancing with me and pulling my face to look straight onto his.  He ended up kissing me and I didn't do anything but I looked away and was like, OMG what the hell is going on!  I don't kiss on the first date and if I did it was because I was really into the guy.  This would be the first time that I would be kissing a guy after Hopeless.  But then I thought, what the hell.  He was cute and there we were and low and behold I was single.  So we stepped outside for air and ended up kissing eachother for a bit.  It was weird.  I definately didn't like the whole touchy feely first date.  And definately didn't like the 'PDA' stuff.  So I left that comfortable scene and he went on his way.  He had to go back to the birthday he was attending and I had to go back to my friends.

lol I'm at a loss for words.  I thought earlier... I want to be in love.  That's something I haven't had since Air Force 1. 

At any given moment I could have Air Force 1 to be with me and I could love him just as I did before.  But he doesn't have what I need yet. 

At any given moment I could have Oldy love me and I would be willing to love him. But if I did I would have to commit and I don't know if I am ready for that yet.

Now at these any given moments I have guys like JHoN and GHoN that want to know me more and see me more and I would be into seeing them as well. But I don't know if I want to.  Not that way.  I always envisioned some fabtabulous way of meeting the one and if I didn't meet him that way then he wasn't really the one.  I really don't know what to make out of this dating situation.  I don't know if I'm happy with it or not into it. 

~ My alias,  'Miss Lonelyheart'