Tout le Monde,

Last night I had a talk with God.  A conversation where I was trying to find the right way to live my life.  For all of it I had been hiding behind a wall of lies, jokes, sarcasm, fear, anger, aggression, despair, and disappointment.  How can I say that I am free and happy in my life if I cut off things that could be good for me.  Feelings, opportunities, friends, families, enemies. 

Post Mr. Man I had promised myself to feel.  Feel not only with others but for myself because life without love is none at all.  How would I ever get to where I'm going if I shut out these experiences in my life.

Poor Hopelessness, where I'd be skepticle about everything he did.  WHAT the FUCK is wrong with me!  I'm heading down the same path of fighting myself and fighting away anybody else that is in it.

I know that eventually I'll want to be in a good place where I love my job, love whom I'm with, and love the decisions I make in order to enjoy the rest of my life.  But I can't get there by keeping this wall. 

I don't know how many times I will be broken, heartbroken especially.  But that shouldn't even be a question.  There will be times and plenty ahead concidering my age.  So to be comfortable in my skin, is what I have to do.

I had a talk with Hopeless and made a promise to myself.  To allow things to happen and take them for the good.  I realized that if I am not affraid to feel for someone that my frustrations will be put aside and that entries such as the last one won't happen or bother me so.

Black and white. I freaked out because I'm liking the guy more than basic.  Confusing it as fear of love, skepticism, insecurities, and the big paranoia. Comfortable in my own skin, is what I need.  Hopefully from now on I'll do it right.

A Bientot, ne ce pas?