Tout Le Monde,

Hm... I've been debating on whether I should be writing on here or not.  It's not that I'm not affraid to say anything that might be going on in my life, but rather the people I might be hurting as they read it.  I guess I should put a disclaimer on this site.  What can I say though, this is my life and I try to make it where I'm not permanently damaging somebody.  So let me start with how I feel...

Amazing! For the first time in the past month I've found a release in myself that never has been there before.  You see I've known that I am a good person no matter what anybody says.  Whom ever I meet I always do with a smile on my face and no matter who the person is I'll be as good as a sumaritan that you hear about in the bible.  And of course in terms of a girlfriend I know I rock.  I'd do anything to make anybody happy and comfortable and that would defnately include a boyfriend.

The problem that I found was that I thought that having a boyfriend would act as proof to other people that I was a cool chic.  That having someone choosing to be with me was a way of showing that I wasn't such a weird girl that nobody could stand.  But this was my problem not anybody elses.

I thought well why can't I keep a guy?  People say that you can't love anybody else until you love yourself.  The thing was that I DO love myself.  I'm confident in who I am and what I am, so what was the deal?  And that was just it! Everything was just fine.  I was ok, not weird, not abnormal, and I didn't need a guy to prove that to anyone.

So here I was flopping in the wind for some time, happy as can be, post reject.  And you know what... people can just see all the positive ora that i exude.   It's very hard to find the inner strength to except yourself for some when you feel alienated from everybody and I'm not ashamed of that.  People would tell you if they knew me that they would have no idea I felt this way about myself.  I am at times insecure, shy, lonely, ugly, less than perfect, less than average.  And that's ok because I know that I'm right there to pick myself up whenever I do.

So here I am, happy as ever in my whole life. In no need of anyone or anything, just me and the Lord. 

And ironically did I attract one that's pumped up this feeling even more.  All this time that I've been worried about it...

...Everything just falls into place when it wants to and now is my turn.  I'm free to learn, free to love, free to LIVE.  And I can't wait to see what unfolds.

To definately be continued...