Tout le Monde,
It's five in the morning and I cannot sleep. I watched the movie Click and it was funny as hell! Towards the end kinda sucked because it left me pouring my eyes out with that yucky mushy family love stuff. But it's a great movie I think, It really teaches you not to rush through life just to get to your goals. You can miss out and I know that I have a lot in highschool. Even now. Just trying to finish school plowing through every opportunity, through everybody... just to get by. I know I'll eventually graduate, but am I seizing the moment?
Does anybody ever stop to think about whether or not they are living their lives to it's highest potential.
Back to problem one. Why am I so affraid to love? Just because I know it'll only hurt in the end. Everything that is, always comes to an end. Why am I affraid to feel the one thing that drives my soul so fast and so high... I'd give anything to have that feeling again even for a moment... but that's all I'll have... a moment.
I don't ever want to feel that way. At least not now... for the moment. People change, I know that I will.
What are those famous words sung by Nat Cole... "If I fall in love, it will be forever. Or I'll never fall in love. In a restless world like this is, love has ended before it has begun..."
Love is a funny thing. It's the greatest high, but I fear it. No, no it won't happen. Even if it came to choosing, it won't be me. There would need to be a lot of convincing, an absolute reason, and I don't mean through vodka, for me to feel it with anyone. I am sticking to that boring and safe yes, but a save from all the trouble that it can cause.
I don't think that makes me a coward, by all means no. Then again, all this discussion and confidence in such strong will might well be my bluff. I could perhaps be scared and deny myself. Maybe when the opportunity presents itself I'll get weak at the knee and fall hard. Stupid me...
Well I'll keep on trucking. I'm better of not thinking about it. Anyhow... I'm getting sleepy...
Counting sheep!