Tout le Monde,

You know what I miss?  I miss being in a freakin relationship.  A REAL one!  I worked at the bar last night and this uh 28-30 year old that likes me.  Works in NYC at a hospital, does MRI's.  He was putting up some game, hugging up on me.  At one point where I was resting my head in his chest and he had his arms around me I so wanted to be somewhere else with someone in a freakin relationship.  That was one thing I missed.  The thought of doing that exact same thing that I've practically doing with Mr. Man, except having both me and the other person have the same mutual feeling of care and affinity for each other.

The other thing that I though of today was the difference in sex that you have when it comes to relationships.  I mean when you feel so passionate for someone and you 'make love' it's real and it's powerful.  You get this feeling inside like you could just die after and be completely happy and complete.  Complete.  Not empty inside just doing it just to do it and feel for the moment.  To really stare into someone eyes and see right through them but see all of them, what they are about, who they are, and how they feel about me.  With Mr. Man, I try to avoid all eye contact, he isn't worthy enough yet for me to feel everything.

Of course there is always the little notes and messages you get.  The late night conversations of 'I can't sleep' or 'I was thinking of you'.  As much as I've got on my plate right now with country boys, bartenders, and arrogant jocks.  I just feel like finding Mr. Right.  I know I shouldn't.  I should be living up my game which is working well and kinda great, but there's always the thought.

And that's what I miss.  I want to be "A woman to love"

Well this too shall pass and I"ll probably be back on the band wagon after this wave of emotion.  Gosh darnet!

Salut!