Tout le Monde,

Have you ever had the chance to do whatever you felt like doing.  You know what I'm saying?  Without the reprecautions of actions when dealing with significant others?  I can tell you all that I've had the time of my life for the past couple of weeks.

Getting out of a stressful relationship, I realized that I need to concentrate more on making myself happy as opposed to making boyfriends happy.

I'm a well confident kind of gal, proud and confident.  However I have tendencies to push myself out of the way when it comes to living life.

I have been galavanting around making the most out of the time I can.

It all started when I found that being in a relationship while handling school and my two jobs was getting to be overbearing.  I longed to be able to control my life.  I wanted to keep both jobs while going to school, while having 'the time of my life'.  So there I was being lectured once more on why I cannot take the time to talk to my boyfriend. I was at the time working on schoolwork and I would occasionally send text messages and called when I did. 

I figured that this was the last draw.  Here I was doing something productive and was recieving all the negativity about it with my boyfriend.  So boyfriend no more!  I never thought in a million years that this would happen but it had to be.  Get mad at me if I'm partying out as opposed to actually staying home all weekend to work on my project.  So we broke up on the terms of revamping our relationship after the semester was over.

So in my class there is this guy, one whom I find rediculous based on the spineless chatter made by my friends.  He seemed like a player, a guy that even the most self upholding girls find hot enough to shamelessly throw themselves at.  I on the other hand had no idea of this behavior and saw him as nothing more than an immature little boy who all day long dreams of sex.

As luck would have it, this boy would find his way into my social line and asks me to accompany him to the beach one weekend.  Of course not wanting to be reeled into the 'players trap' I performed a quick research on this kid.

Well apparently this guy slept with one of my friends from school and the reputations of the volleyball team as a whole didn't help on the positive assumptions of him.  So what do I do? What the hell I went for it.  I fugured well I only had three weeks and a half to live it up before I went on the slave train, how bad would it be if I were the player this time.

So our first weekend hang out at the beach with this boy was polite and proper, with a small scale of cuddling.  After that weekend I thought that since I wasn't the sex kitten that people hear of me to be, there wouldn't be any future hang outs, but too my surprise I was asked to next weekends beach outing.

About two weeks pass and there have been beach hang outs, making outs, gym dates, dinner dates, movie nights all with me keeping emotions out on the back burners.

Well ladies and gentlemen I've been the fun, beautiful, difficult, cold yet loving girl and decided that in a little over a week my freedom would be gone.  So I decided that I had to be the old sweet loving me that many of ex's have trampled on.

So yesterday I took him to the highest point in New Jersey.  I showed him around to the most beautiful sites.  Then I drive him to this cozy sushi place in my town.  We walked to and from having the night air and sky encompase the nochalant passion that both of us possessed.  It was great.

So it's Wednesday and for the first time in the past couple of weeks I've come to find that this guy really likes me.  He came clean and hoped that within a month of 'working it out' it would go bad and I would go back to him instead.  He wanted me to come over on Monday to nurse him after his oral surgery.  I told him that if I got back in time from Canada that I would do so.

So my 'player' antics of being interested but not exactly had got me the guy.  I didn't realize how good of a game I was playing because now he is really into me.  What do I do?  I have to find a way to full heartedly work things out with my ex after the summer semester, but the question is do I want to?  Not only that but is a 'no' based on my enjoyment of being free or my enjoyment with this new guy.

I really like not fighting everyday not having to give up my rights because 'my guy' would get affended or hurt or jealous.  From how I feel right now I can pretty much just let my ex go and just 'do me' for a while.  I've been having the time of my life which is more than I've ever had in any relationship.

Project Freedom: to be continued...