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| THE TOP TEN THINGS THAT WILL GET YOU KICKED OUT OF THE COUNTRY MUSIC AWARDS |
| 10. Wearing a belt buckle smaller than a toaster. 09. Failing to use the word "dagnabbit" in an acceptance speech. 08. Not knowing when to hold em', when to fold em', when to walk away or when to run. 07. Converting to metric and referring to your ten - gallon hat as 37.9 liters. 06. Spitoon hogging. 05. Repeatedly pronouncing " honkey tonk" as "donkey kong". 04.Taking a "Grand Ol' Leak" in the punch bowl. 03. Misspelling MCA. 02. Accidently saying "you all" instead of "ya'll". 01. Failing to rise during " The Devil Went Down To Georgia". |
| When things get you down and you just can't cope anymore, try a few of these things before you crack. ____________________________________ Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa. Pop some popcorn without using a lid. When someone says:"Have a nice day", tell them you have other plans. Go shopping, buy everything, sweat in it, and return it the next day. Leaf thru the National Geographic and draw clothes on all the natives. Dance naked in front of your pets. Write a short story using alphabet soup. |
| S T R E S S M E S S ____________________________________ |
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| A teacher in a rather backwood, rural area attempted to broaden the outlook of her class. She asked the students to write an essay on thier views of foreigners. All turned in more or less acceptable pieces except Little Billy,who's essay, in full, was " All foriegners arebastards. " The shocked teacher made no direct comment but devoted her next lecture to a description of Greek architecture, Roman law, Engish drama,German music, Italion poetry, Russian novels,Chinese philosophy and African sculpture. She then asked the class to write another essay on foreigners. When she finally got to Little Billy's paper it said, in full, " All foreigners are bastards. Some are clever bastards. " |
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