The One With All the Wigs
Alright,
by popular demand, or two suggestions, I've decided to write a continuation of TOW the Missing Video Tape. Thanks
to everyone who reviewed it, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. I can't think of a
good summary, so just read and review. Also, this fic continues later that
evening.
Disclaimer:
I don't own them, so what.
[Scene:
Monica & Rachel’s, around 1 a.m. Monica has shut off the lights preparing
to go to bed when there's a light knock on the door.]
Mon:
(to herself) Who in the hell is this? (opens the door) Oh, it's you.
Chan:
(steps into the apartment) Hey, what's up.
Mon:
Do you know what time it is? What are you doing here?
Chan:
(shrugged) You know....
Mon:
Chandler, I don't think now is the best time for a booty call, considering what
happened.
Chan:
What? No, I'm here for the tape.
Mon:
Why didn't you just get it when you were here earlier?
Chan:
Because Joey and Rachel were here, and it was a very awkward moment.
Mon:
Okay.. well hurry up and get it. If Rachel wakes up and finds you here I don't
know what we're going to do.
Chandler
and Monica walk quietly to the living room.
Chan:
So (gestures with his hands and knocks the lamp off balance) Uh-oh!
Mon:
Shh!
Chan:
Sorry.
Mon:
(hands him the tape) Here.
Chan:
Thanks, and I'll make sure Joey never gets a copy of the tape.
Mon:
(gives Chandler a quick peck) Now go.
Chandler
tries to switch hands with the tape and drops it on the floor.
Chan:
Oops! (picks it back up)
Mon:
Chandler! (hears Rachel's door open) Hide!
Chandler
dives behind the couch just as Rachel comes out of her room.
Rach:
Monica, what are you doing? It's after one o'clock in the morning!
Mon:
Honey I'm sorry I woke you. (glances at Chandler)
Rach:
Why are you still up?
Mon:
Uh.. well I had a nightmare that something wasn't clean, so I got up to check
it.... yeah that's it.
Rach:
Mon, you seriously need to get some help.
Mon:
I know.
Rachel
turns around as if she's going back to her room then faces Monica again.
Mon:
What?
Rach:
Since I'm up, I might as well get some water.
Mon:
No, Rach! I'll get it for you.
Rach:
Are you sure? Okay then. (enters her bedroom)
Monica
goes to the kitchen and Chandler prepares to make a quick escape. But before he
could, Rachel exits her bedroom again and walks to the kitchen. Chandler crawls
behind the armchair.
Rach:
Mon, on second thought, never mind the water. I'm just so tired..
Mon:
Okay.. no (notices that Rachel will see Chandler if she turns around) No!
Rach:
What?
Mon:
(watches Chandler sneak into her room) No problem!
Rach:
You should sleep in late tomorrow... seriously.
Mon:
I think I will.
Rachel
goes back to her bedroom and Monica rushes into hers, shutting the door.
Mon:
What are you doing? You should've been sneaking out the other door.
Chan:
And how was I suppose to do that with you and Rachel standing in the kitchen?
Mon:
(thinks for a sec) Yeah, that's true.
Chan:
Well, since I'm here.. (smiles) you wanna have the sex?
Mon:
(smiles back) Okay. (falls on top of Chandler on the bed)
[Scene:
Monica & Rachel's, the next morning. Everyone but Ross is sitting at the
table eating breakfast. They're all silent and lost in their own thoughts.]
Chan:
(V.O) Okay, so they saw the tape.. No big deal. They only saw a few seconds,
right?
Rach:
(V.O) I can't believe Monica made a sex tape... a sex tape! Not only is she
freakishly strong, (looks at Monica) she's a freak.
Mon:
(V.O) I can always deny it. Rachel never saw my face, did she? No, that won't
work.
Chan:
(V.O) Who am I kidding? It is a big deal! Monica will never agree to do another
one!
Mon:
(V.O) I can't deny the tape, that's just stupid. That was some of my best work,
not to mention Chandler's.
Joey:
(looks at his plate of eggs, toast and bacon) (V.O) Hey, this would make a
great sandwich.
Rach:
(looking at Joey) (V.O) Joey's probably thinking about a sandwich, when we just
saw Monica having sex on a tape. Whoa, that's another image I don't want to
think about.
Phoe:
(V.O singing) la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Ross:
(entering) Okay, I need your honest opinion.
Everyone
looks at him.
Ross:
Is my hair really that scary?
Chan:
Are you really asking that question?
Ross:
I cannot believe this! I'm on the subway, and this woman actually hides her
purse, like I was going to steal it!
Chan:
Well you do look like you'd fit in with the cast of OZ.
Phoe:
Not on last week's episode.
Mon:
(laughs) Oh, right! That was when the guy was in the shower, and..
Ross:
(interrupting) Hello! I was talking about me! (grabs his hair) What am I
supposed to do with this?
Rach:
Why don't you just dye it back?
Ross:
(sarcastically) Oh, I never thought of that... Thank you! (off her look) If I
put anymore dye in my hair it'll fall out.
Mon:
Why'd you streak your hair in the first place?
Rach:
Especially without supervision.
Ross:
I just wanted to try something different. But what if I get my job back... I
mean, come back from sabbatical? I can't go back to work like this!
Everyone
was silent for about a minute.
Joey:
So, Pheebs, about that episode. I think I missed it.
Chan:
Was that the same one when the sneaky guy overdosed? Because wow..
Rach:
Yeah, he played a very convincing drug addict.
Everyone
begins talking at once as Ross looks on.
Ross:
Oh man! (walks out the apartment)
[Time
Lapse: Monica & Rachel's later that day. Monica is on the couch when Rachel
walks in.]
Rach:
(singing) "Love to love ya, baby" (sees Monica) Oh, hey.
Mon:
Hey.
Rach:
(avoiding eye contact) What are you doing?
Mon:
Playing Mad Libs.
Rach:
Uh-huh, well see ya! (goes into her room)
Mon:
(says to herself) Okay.
[Scene:
Central Perk. Ross and Joey are there as Phoebe walks in.]
Phoe:
Hey you guys.
Joey:
Hey Phoebe.
Ross:
(depressed) Oh, hey Pheebs.
Phoe:
Why so down?
Ross:
Have you seen my hair?
Joey:
Don't try to change the subject man.
Ross
just stares at Joey.
Phoe:
Oh! I have an idea. I could cut it out.
Ross:
What?
Phoe:
Yeah, I can just cut out the parts that are dyed.
Joey:
C'mon Ross, let her do it.
Ross:
Uh, I don't know about that Phoebe. Are you sure?
Phoe:
No not really, but I can try.
Ross:
I think I'll just go to a professional.
Phoe:
Wait, I have a friend who does hair.
Ross:
Really, who is it?
Phoe:
You know when I lived with that Albino guy when I was homeless?
Joey/Ross:
Yeah.
Phoe:
Well he lived in the box next door to us, and he always said he wanted to be a
hairdresser.
Ross:
(chuckles) Are you kidding me?
Joey:
That is so cool. (to Ross) What's an Albino?
[Scene:
Chandler & Joey's. Chandler and Monica are there.]
Mon:
I don't know whats going on, but I think Rachel is avoiding me.
Chan:
Are you sure?
Rach:
(enters) Joey!
Chan:
Joey's not here.
Rach:
Oh. Well I just came by to say hello. Bye! (exits)
Chan:
Avoiding you like that?
Mon:
Pretty much. I don't get it.
Chan:
I'm sorry sweetheart.
Mon:
What about you and Joey. Are you two talking?
Chan:
That depends on your definition. If talking means Joey asking me every 5
minutes what having sex with you in front of a camera is like, then yes.
Mon:
But Rach and I are different. We're girls. We talk about everything. Nothing
like this has happened since we lost contact.
Chan:
Monica, everything will be fine.
Mon:
(continuing as if Chandler didn't say anything) I mean, she didn't even invite
me to her wedding.
Chan:
Mon..
Mon:
She could've at least sent an invitation.
Chan:
Monica..
Mon:
That's what I would've done.
Chan:
Monica!
Mon:
What? (off his look) No, I'm fine. I just got caught up in the memories, but I
am so past that now.
Chan:
(unconvinced) Look you just need to talk to Rachel, straighten things out.
Mon:
Yeah, I know you're right. We live together, we should...
Chan:
(shocked) What?
Mon:
No, no. Not you and me, Rachel and me. You live with Joey, remember?
Chan:
Oh, okay... whew!
Mon:
Are you okay? I'm sorry.
Chan:
Yeah I'm fine. Those words freak me out. I'm just not there yet.
[Time
Lapse: Chandler & Joey's. Chandler, Monica and Joey are there when Phoebe
walks in upset.]
Joey:
What's the matter Pheebs?
Phoe:
Ugh! I am so mad!
Mon:
Calm down, sweetie. What happened?
Phoe:
Okay, well I went to go and see if my friend Fredo was a cosmopologist, and..
Mon:
(interrupting) A what?
Phoe:
You know, someone who does hair.
Mon:
Don't you mean cosmetologist?
Phoe:
That's what I said.
Chan:
Who is Fredo?
Joey:
her Albino neighbor.
Chan:
What?
Joey:
I know, I didn't know what an Albino was either.
Phoe:
No, Joey! (to Chandler and Monica) Fredo stayed in the box next to me and the
Albino guy I lived with when I was homeless.
Mon/Chan:
Oh.
Phoe:
Anyway, he's not a hairdresser, he's a stupid windshield washer on the street!
Chan:
(mocking) No!
Phoe:
Uh-huh! Can you believe it?
Mon:
Phoebe, what made you think Fredo would be a hairdresser?
Phoe:
Because, that was always his dream, next to taking a bath.
Chan:
You know he'd have to go to school, and get a license.
Phoe:
(laughs) Why would he need a license? He doesn't drive.
[Scene:
Ross's. Ross is watching television when there's a knock on the door.]
Ross:
(opens the door) Hey Phoebe.
Phoe:
Hey!
Ross:
Come on in.
Phoe:
Okay, Ross, I'm sorry but my friend is not a hairdresser.
Ross:
That's okay Pheebs. Thanks for trying.
Phoe:
But I do have something better. (takes out a large pair of scissors from her
bag) Look!
Ross:
(screams) Aahh! (moves away from Phoebe)
Phoebe
quickly takes out a Polaroid camera and takes his picture, then laughs
hysterically.
Ross:
(sees the camera) What? Phoebe! That is not funny.
Phoe:
(still laughing) I'm sorry Ross, but you should've seen the look on your face!
Ross:
Yeah, I'm amused.
Phoe:
No, this is what I have for you. (takes out about 5 different wigs)
Ross:
Wigs? I'm not going out in public wearing a wig!
Phoe:
Ross, would you rather go out with your head looking like a strobe light or
would you rather look normal?
Ross:
(still looking at the wigs) Normal... I guess.
Phoe:
Okay, then. And look, they're made with human hair!
Ross:
Eww!
Phoe:
Ross stop acting like a baby! (looks at the picture again and giggles)
Ross:
(whines) Phoebe..
Phoe:
Okay, I'm sorry.
[Scene:
Chandler & Joey's. Joey has just put a tape in the VCR when Chandler enters
the apartment.]
Chan:
Hey Joe, what are you watching?
Joey:
(quickly turns off the TV) Uh, nothing.
Chan:
Okay then. (enters his bedroom)
Joey:
(turns TV back on) There it is..
Chan:
(exits bedroom) Have you been in my room?
Joey:
What? No, of course not!
Chan:
(holds up an empty tape box) Oh really?
Joey:
Alright! Alright! I took it, okay? But I was only gonna watch like 5 minutes of
it.
Chandler
just looks at him.
Joey:
Okay, maybe 10 minutes...
[Time
Lapse: Ross's.]
Ross:
So what do you think Pheebs? (wearing the blonde wig)
Phoe:
Eh..
Ross:
What? No way! I think it looks okay.
Phoe:
I don't like it.
Ross:
You don't?
Phoe:
No, it makes you look weird. But if that's the look you're going for, then
there you go!
Ross:
(takes wig off) Okay, moving right along.
Phoe:
Try the red one.
Ross:
(puts the red wig on) Hmm... its not bad.
Phoe:
It's different... Hey! We could call you 'Red Ross' (off his glare) Or not..
[Time
Lapse: Ross's.]
Phoe:
Here's the last one.
Phoebe
hands Ross the wig.
Ross:
This has gray hair.
Phoe:
I know, isn't it cool?
Ross:
Pheebs, I don't have gray hair.
Phoe:
I know, but wouldn't it be cool to see how you'd look at 50?
Ross
puts on the gray wig and likes what he sees.
Ross:
Actually I look very distinguished. (looks closer in the mirror) Hello, Dr.
Geller.
[Scene:
Monica & Rachel's that evening. Monica walks in to find Rachel watching
television.]
Mon:
Hey Rach.
Rach:
(still watching TV) Hey Mon.
Monica
walks over and cuts off the TV.
Rach:
What'd you do that for?
Mon:
Because we need to talk.
Rach:
Um, can we talk later? I have to do something in my room. (stands up)
Mon:
No! I'm tired of us avoiding each other. We need to talk about what happened.
Rach:
Oh, alright. (sits back down and Monica joins her)
Mon:
Okay, I'm sorry you saw that tape, I really am. But you gotta just forget about
it.
Rach:
I know honey, I'm trying. It's just hard to get that image out of my head...
Mon:
I know..
Rach:
And the voices.. don't forget the voices.
Mon:
(clenches her teeth) I said I know. (calms down) Haven't you ever done anything
crazy like that?: (thinks) Well yeah, but there's no evidence of it... at least
I don't think.
Mon:
Okay, but that's no reason we shouldn't speak. Look at Chandler and Joey.
They're talking.
Rach:
Why wouldn't they be talking?
Mon:
Uh, because.. they were going through something as well, but that's really not
important.
Rach:
Then why did you bring it up?
Mon:
I don't know. Hey, I know how we can take your mind off of it.
Rach:
How?
Mon:
Let's have a girls night out. We'll get Phoebe, and the three of us can go to a
movie. (off her look) Or, we could just go out and have a few drinks.
Rach:
Now that sounds like a good idea.
[Cut
to: Chandler & Joey's. Chandler's wearing a bewildered expression while
facing Joey.]
Chan:
(deadpan) No Joe, I did not realize that I could change the home video industry
by adding music.
Joey:
See! You learn something new everyday.
Chan:
For the last time, no you may not see the tape!
Joey:
I can fast forward it. I won't even look at Monica's face.
Chan:
You think it's her face I'm worried about? Look I said no. (enters bedroom)
Joey:
(holds up the tape and giggles) Yeah!
Chan:
(exits bedroom and grabs the tape) Thank you.. (re-enters bedroom)
Joey:
Aw Crap!
[Scene:
Monica & Rachel's the next day. Everyone is there except Phoebe.]
Ross:
So what do you guys think about my hair now?
Ross
is wearing a black wig.
Chan:
Well before you looked like a skunk. Now you just look like you're wearing one.
Everybody
laughs.
Ross:
Ha ha, I'm serious. I'm gonna have to wear it until I can go and get my hair
changed back.
Joey:
Just don't expect to have a date for a while.
Rach:
Ross you should be used to that then, right?
Ross
gives her "the finger."
Mon:
Where did you get the wig?
Ross:
Phoebe.
Chan:
That explains it.
Phoe:
(enters) Hey!
All:
Hey Pheebs!
Phoe:
Okay, I'm here and I have popcorn, so let's get this show on the road.
Rach:
What are you talking about?
Phoe:
I thought we were going to watch some movies.
Ross:
We are? What movies did you get?
Phoe:
I didn't get any. (looks at Joey) Joey said we were going to watch Faces of
Death, so I thought sure why not.
Ross:
Faces of Death?
Rach:
Oh my God.. Flashback!
Chan/Mon:
Joey!
Joey:
See ya! (runs out of the apartment)
The
End
Thanks
for reading, and please review. Was this original and funny? Do I need a beta
reader instead of asking all of you these questions? :)
Email
me at [email protected] with any
other comments or questions.