TOW the Missing Video Tape

I got the idea for this fic from TOW Ross' Sandwich. That's all I'll say about the plot so as not to give it away. I loved that episode, especially when Mon says, "I'm Monica.. I'm disgusting. I stalk guys and keep their underpants." *lol*

I'm not sure if Ross was still living with the guys during that episode, probably not, so he's not living there in my fic. And I tried to make it a little funny, but I don't know how that turned out, so basically... good luck with getting a laugh.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Friends characters, otherwise Bright Kauffman and Crane would have a big lawsuit on their hands. HA! j/k

[Scene: Joey & Chandler's. Joey is in his barca lounger looking at Baywatch, surprise surprise. Chandler rushes out of his room and looks frantically around the apartment.]

Joey: dude, what are you doing?

Chan: (looking through video tapes) Nothing, just looking for something.

Joey: well would you get out of the way, I'm watching Baywatch!

Chan: (ducks down) Sorry!

Joey: Thank you. Uh oh... Yasmine is on the run!

Chan: (pops his head up) what? Run Yasmine! Run!

Chandler spends a few seconds gazing at the TV before looking through the tapes again.

Joey: What are you looking for?

Chan: just a certain tape. (picks up a rental box) What movie is this?

Joey: (eyes still on the TV) I don't know.

Chan: Well how long has it been here?

Joey: I don't know.

Chan: (puts tape on the kitchen counter) okay, I'm taking it back.

Joey: (jumps out the lounger) dude! what are you doing? Let me see that, It might be porn.

Joey takes the tape, putting it in the VCR.

Chan: (realizing that might be the tape he's looking for) Uh.. don't you wanna finish watching Baywatch Joe?

Joey: Are you kidding me? Chicks in bathing suits or Chicks naked... (weighs the options in his hands) I'm going with naked.

Chan: (whispers) please don't let it be the one...

The movie comes on and it's not the one Chandler is looking for. He breaths a sigh of relief as Monica walks through the front door.

Mon: hey.

Joey: hey Mon

Chan: (walking up to Monica) Hey, did you find the tape?

Mon: no, did you?

Chan: No.

Mon: that's great! I knew I shouldn't have let you talk me into making that video.

Chan: It was your idea!

Mon: well you didn't have to agree with me.

Joey: enough already with the missing tape. What's so special about it?

Chandler and Monica share a look.

Chan: Look, Monica and I... we kind of made a video.

Joey: (smiling) Nice!

Mon: Yeah... but someone lost it.

Joey: did you get it mixed up in your collection of porn, too? I hate it when that happens.

Mon: Joey, I don't have a porn collection.

Joey: Chandler does.

Chan: that's not really the issue (turns to Monica) totally not true.

Joey: well did you label it?

Mon: I don't think we did... but I can't remember.

Joey: looks like we're gonna have to search through all these tapes.

Mon: And you don't mind helping us? Joey that's so sweet.

Chan: Monica, you don't understand. Looking through all these tapes is a part of Joey's weekly routine.

Joey: yeah it is...

Monica gives a disgusted look as they begin their search.

[Cut to: Later that day, the guys apartment. Everyone is there as Ross enters.]

Ross: Hi everybody, what's up.

Rach: (startled) Oh my God...

Everyone just stares at him, looking at his hair streaked in blonde, a botched job to say the least.

Ross: (strikes a pose) You guys notice anything different about me?

Chan: You mean besides the fact that you look like Pepe Le Peu? No.

Phoebe: I think you look great.

Ross: Thanks Pheebs. Since being on "sabbatical" I've had a lot of free time, so I figured I'd try something new.

Mon: Ross, for you, trying something new means reading a new book, not becoming a punk rockstar.

Ross: I don't know, maybe you're right. But I think it's a little cool. Hey, I could meet chicks like this.

Joey: (short laugh) yeah, good luck with that.

Ross: anyway, while I'm here I wanted to get that tape I left over here.

Rach: what tape?

Ross: it has a special on it from the Discovery Channel. I forgot it when I moved out.

Ross goes through the group of tapes.

Ross: (picks up a tape) Cool! It's still here.

Chan: (to Joey) where'd that tape come from?

Joey: I don't know, I don't remember seeing it.

Chan: me either. Man, what if that's the tape?

Joey: Then it was good knowing you because you are so dead...

[Scene: Central Perk, the next day. Monica and Chandler are on the couch and Rachel is in the arm chair. Joey comes in and sits next to Monica.]

Joey: hey you guys.

Mon/Chan: hey

Rach: hey Joey

Joey: (to Mon and Chan) you guys find the tape yet?

Chan: No. I've looked for it everywhere.

Mon: I hate this.

Rach: what tape?

Chan: oh, just this tape that we lost.

Rach: well what is it? Maybe I've seen it.

Mon: oh no.. I don't think you've seen this.

Chan: (laughing) it's definitely not the kind of thing you're into.

Rach: what?

Chan: now Joey on the other hand...

Rach: come on you guys, what's going on?

Joey: Okay..

Mon: (interrupting) Joey rented Faces of Death, and he has to return the tape but he lost it.

Rach: Ooh, I love Faces of Death!

Chan: Are you serious?

Rach: yeah! it's really cool in a creepy way.

[A.N: have you all seen Faces of Death? All I can say is Whoa!]

Rach: But wait a minute. Joey I thought you hated stuff like that?

Joey: I-I do. But I look at it for the acting.

Rach: Honey I think it involves real people.

Joey: that's what makes the acting so good!

Rach: (shares a look with Monica and Chandler) Okay. (looks at her watch) well I've gotta go. I have a date.

Mon: really? with who?

Rach: Brad from work.

Mon: Didn't you say he was gay?

Rach: Well he does have a feminine energy... but I guess I'll find out tonight. (crosses fingers) Let's hope he's BI.

Mon/Chan/Joey: (crossing their fingers) Okay! (Rach exits)

[Scene: Later that evening, Monica & Rachel's. Mon and Chandler are in bed taking a breather.]

Mon: (breathing heavily) that was great.

Chan: yeah, it.... uh..

Mon: sweetie its okay, you don't have to speak. I know I'm the best.

Chan: (catching his breath) Yes, yes you are. Hey, when is Rachel coming home?

Mon: I don't know, she's still on her date. Why?

Chan: Well (gives her a kiss) I was thinking (another kiss) we could take a shower together before she comes back. You know, mix it up again.

Mon: (smiles) Okay!

Chan: Okay!

[Time Lapse: The shower is running and you-know-who is in there. Rachel enters the apartment from her date.]

Rach: (to herself) I am so glad this night is almost over! (goes to the bathroom door) Mon!

Mon: (V.O) Oh! ooh yeah...

Rach: hmm... Monica must be using the massager again. (enters her bedroom)

[Time Lapse: Monica exits the bathroom in her robe with a huge smile on her face and goes into the kitchen, with Chandler right behind her.]

Mon: That was the best shower ever!

Chandler laughs and bumps into Monica as she stops in her tracks.

Chan: what?

Mon: (whispers) Oh my God! Rachel is here.

Chan: how do you know?

Mon: that's her stuff on the table. I told her about leaving her things out like that!

A noise comes from Rachel's room.

Chan: what was that?!

Mon: she's coming! (pushes Chandler towards her room) Go!

Chandler runs to her room and closes the door as Rachel enters the living room.

Rach: hey Mon

Mon: hey Rach. When did you get home?

Rach: Oh, about 20 minutes ago. You were in the shower.

Mon: (blushes) right..

Rach: You sounded like you were enjoying yourself.

Mon: I did? That's odd..

Rach: Mon, listen. I know that massager is just great! But maybe you should go on a date once in a while, hmm?

Mon: Uh, speaking of dates... how was yours?

Rach: Uh! don't get me started...

Mon: Oh, okay...

Rach: (interrupting) It was the worst date! He was so gay!

Mon: Did he tell you that?

Rach: No.

Mon: then how do you know?

Rach: Mon, trust me... okay. Let's look at this date objectively.

Mon: (looking at her room) uh, Rach its late and...

Rachel continued on and Monica had no choice but to listen. 30 minutes later Rachel was finishing up her story and then she went to bed.

Mon: (entering her bedroom) Chandler?

Chandler was lightly snoring.

Mon: (leans down) sweetie...

Chan: (in his sleep) No Monica, I'm not a machine!

Mon: Chandler!

Chan: (wakes up) Huh? what?

Mon: you were having a nightmare.

Chan: I was? I don't remember.

Mon: It seemed horrible, but it was just a dream.

Chan: (smiles) thanks for waking me. I hate dreams like that.

Mon: I know, me too.

[Scene: Central Perk, the next day. Ross and Rachel are sitting at a table.]

Ross: Hey, do you notice anything strange?

Rach: Well your hair is blinding me.

Ross: Ha ha, I'm talking about the looks I'm getting.

Rach: (looks around the coffee house) What makes you think they're looking at you?

Ross: (laughs) Come on Rach, be serious. It's my new look and women love it. (Leans over to a nearby table full of women) How are you ladies doing?

Rach: (hangs her head) This is so embarrassing.

Ross: I can't believe I didn't do this sooner.

Gunther brings them their coffee.

Ross: hey Gunther, you like my new look right?

Gun: No, not really.

Ross: What? But our hair is almost the same.

Gun: I just don't like it. (leaves)

Ross: (chuckles) Yeah right.

Rach: You are such a loser!

Ross: I think you're just jealous because all the ladies want me. (a woman walks by) 'Sup.

Rach: That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!

Ross: Hey if you're so embarrassed by the attention why are you still sitting with me?

Rach: Hmm, that is a good question. Why am I still here? (gets up and walks out)

The women at the table look at Ross.

Ross: (Smiles) Oh don't worry... She'll be back.

[Scene: Joey & Chandler's, the same day. Chandler, Monica and Joey are sitting in the middle of the floor surrounded by video tapes.]

Joey: Y'know, I never realized how many movies we had.

Mon: I can't believe we haven't found it. There has to be some excuse...

Chan: Are you sure it isn't at your place?

Mon: I'm positive. We taped it here, and I never left with it. It's gotta be here somewhere.

Chan: (finding another rental box) Joey?

Joey: Yeah

Chan: What's this?

Joey: Great, another one.

Mon: How often do you rent movies?

Joey: Whenever the mood hits me.

Chan: In other words, every other day.

Joey: All this movie watching has made me hungry. I gotta take a break.

Mon: Actually that's not a bad idea Joey. Why don't we go get something to eat and then come back.

Joey: Yeah baby! Sounds good to me.

Chandler and Joey file out of the apartment, leaving Monica behind looking at the pile of video tapes.

Chan: Honey, what are you doing?

Mon: Uh, nothing... Are you just gonna leave this mess on the floor?

Chan: You can clean it up.

Mon: (smiles) Thank you!

[Scene: Monica & Rachel's that evening. Rachel is sitting on the couch when Monica comes out of her room.]

Mon: hey Rach, what are you doing?

Rach: getting ready to watch a movie. You wanna watch it with me?

Mon: Sure.. (sits next to her as she starts the movie) What are we watching?

Rach: (smiles) Faces of Death.

Mon: Oh, so you went out and rented it?

Rach: Heck no. No, I just went over to Joey and Chandler's and got it.

Mon: (sitting up) What?

Rach: yeah, I went over there and (picks up the rental box) saw this sitting in Joey's chair. You guys obviously didn't look very hard. (Beat) Oh, it's starting.

The movie comes on, but it's not what they're expecting (I know you saw that coming, whatever).

Rach: What? That’s not Faces of Death.... It looks like.. Monica what is that?

Mon: Oh my God! Rach turn it off!

Rach: Ahh! Is that.... Oh my God, Monica that's you! (covers her eyes) My eyes! My eyes!

Mon: (dives across Rachel) Give me the remote!

Rach: Ow! Monica, get off me!

Rachel tries to push Monica off her.

Mon: (Rolling to the floor with Rachel) Ow!

Rach: (hearing the "noises" on the tape) Could you turn that off please!

Joey and Chandler run in.

Joey: What's going on? We heard screams. (sees the girls lying on the floor and smiles) Nice..

Chan: (sees what's on the television) Oh, no, no, no!

Joey: (eyes bulging out of his head at the television with a wide grin) Now this is what I call porn!

 

 

The End

Okay, tell me what you think. Did I get the characters right? Was it funny at all? Or at least believable? This is only my 3rd fic and I'm still new at this, so if there's anyone out there who can help me out, please email me: [email protected].

Also, check out my other fic TOW the Past Lover. Thanks for reading!