Haley J's Note: This takes place in season 4 a little bit after Chandler
and Kathy broke up.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Oooh! Guess what I have!" Rachel burst into her apartment, waving a magazine
in the air as she grinned at Monica, sipping coffee at the kitchen table.

"A life?" Monica guessed. "If you do, can I borrow a little bit of it?"

"Shut up," Rachel said, hitting her friend on the shoulder lightly. "And
you were wrong. I have the newest Cosmo."

"Oh, joy."

"Come on, you know you're happy," Rachel said, groaning as she waved it in
Monica's face again. "Isn't it tempting to look at the advice columns?"

"That's the only part I read actually," Monica admitted. She finally took
the hint and took the magazine from Rachel's hand. She spread it out in
front of her and began to flip through it. "I'm guessing you've already
read it?"

"All of the important parts," Rachel admitted, shrugging. "I can read the
rest when you and Phoebe are through. Besides, Vogue comes out in two days
so I'll be busy with that."

"Wow, guess you having a life was a longshot, huh?" Monica teased.

"Ha ha ha," Rachel said sarcastically as she started to pour herself some
coffee.

"Dating advice," Monica said to herself. "God, do I need that."

"I really don't think *we* need it, Mon," Rachel told her. "I think it's men
who need dating advice. Why don't they flock over magazines every month?"

"You know, I think they do," Monica said. "Porn."

Rachel nodded. "True."

Monica read a little bit, then sighed. "I wish I had one of those friends
with privilages."

"I had mine; didn't work out."

"Ross wasn't a friend, he was the love of your life," Monica pointed out.

"Eh . . . not anymore . . ."

"Right," Monica said. "Come on. Tell me, if Ross hadn't cheated on you where
would you be in your relationship right now?"

"That's not the point. The point is that he *did* cheat," Rachel said
passively.

"Yeah," Monica agreed, sighing. "I don't think this is really advice. It's
just depressing for me."

Rachel grabbed the magazine and flipped through it, then slammed it in
front of Monica again. "Tell me *that* is depressing."

"Actually, it looks like fun," Monica admitted, cocking her head. "Although
how any woman can get their left leg to do that is beyond me."

"I'll bet if you try it it'll be a lot easier."

"You're forgetting I don't have anybody to try it *with*."

"Go out to a bar, have a one night stand . . . you deserve it," Rachel said,
rubbing her best friend's arm.

"I'm just not that kind of a person and you know it," Monica sighed. "I just
can't imagine sleeping with anybody that I didn't have at least a tiny shred
of a feeling for."

"Maybe that's why you're single."

Monica rolled her eyes, but her thoughts were on something else.

* * * * *

"Chandler," Monica called, walking into the guys' apartment. "You here? Ugh!
That damn duck!"

Chandler came out of the bedroom. "Hey, Mon," he greeted in a low tone.

"Upset?" Monica wondered.

"Depressed," Chandler corrected. "If I hadn't been jealous, Kathy would still
be with me."

"It's totally Kathy's fault!" Monica accused. "She still had no right to
cheat on you."

"Eh . . ."

"God, we are pathetic aren't we?" Monica asked, sitting down on a stool by
the counter.

Chandler sat down on the stool next to her. "Which part of pathetic are you
talking about?"

"Everytime we find someone worth our time, worth our love, we end up ruining
it. Or they do. Or both of us do," Monica explained.

"We suck at love."

"Or maybe we just keep losing. I've decided that there's really no point in
searching for Mr. Right anymore," Monica declared. "That dream just doesn't
exist."

"I'm glad you finally figured that out. I just wish every other girl on the
planet would," Chandler said. "That way I'd have a lot better chance at
scoring."

"I don't even want love anymore," Monica continued. "I just want somebody to
kiss and touch and sleep with."

"Wow, you are a guy's dream girl!"

"Thanks."

"No. Seriously. You go out to any place in the world and feed those lines
out; you will have guys lining up to be with you."

"I was thinking," Monica began. "What if we . . . did the friends with
privilages thing? You know, where we're friends, but when we're feeling dry
we can kiss or touch or . . . do other stuff."

Chandler's eyes widened in shock. "Oh, my God! You are the best friend ever.
When do we start?"

"We can't tell anyone else about it," Monica said firmly. "They just wouldn't
understand."

"Agreed," Chandler said just as firmly. "So, we are now officialy friends who
can touch and kiss and sleep together as much as we want to."

"This way neither of us won't have to try and search for a relationship,"
Monica said. "We can just fulfill our needs with each other. Who needs all
of that stupid love crap?"

"We don't!"

"That's right," Monica said, sounding hyper-energetic.

"So . . . when do we get to start?"

"Right now I gue--" before Monica was finished Chandler had began to kiss
her gently.

Both of them were a little wary of each other, not quite comfortable with
their agreement. But soon, Monica was sliding her tongue across Chandler's
moist lips and Chandler was instantly opening his mouth for her intrusion.

Monica couldn't believe the sensations she was feeling. It had been way too
long since the last time she'd been with a guy. She was starting to feel
more and more assured that this privilages agreement was the right way to go.

Chandler had been shocked, literally, when he'd listened to what Monica
suggested. Monica was one of those hot, smart women he would never, ever have
a chance with. And here she was, her tongue running lightly across the roof
of his mouth, her body pressed up against his, both of them ready to take
this as far as the bedroom.

Chandler tentatively slipped his hand under Monica's shirt, waiting for a
protest from the raven haired woman, but when none came he started to massage
her back, working his way up to her bra.

Monica, meanwhile, had her hands occupied in Chandler's hair; running her
fingers through it over and over again, keeping his mouth glued to her own,
never wanting it to stop.

Chandler felt Monica gasp as he unclasped her bra with one hand; clearly she
was surprised he could do it. He ran his hand lightly around to the front
of her body and, with time for her to make him stop (which she didn't), he
slowly started to massage her breasts.

Why would Monica stop? She was really getting into it, groaning and moaning
at the appropriate times; gasping as Chandler continued to surprise her. But
there was one thing she was worried about.

Monica broke away reluctantly and Chandler looked at her in confusion. She
silently walked away, making Chandler feel defeated, but when he realized she
was simply locking the front door, he grinned at her.

"A secret," Monica repeated their earlier agreement.

"A secret," Chandler echoed in the same tone. "A secret I need to have happen
right exactly now."

"I feel the same way," Monica said before ripping her shirt off and sliding
her bra off so that he could see her breasts. "Now it's your turn," she
prodded, breaking Chandler of his endless thoughts as he stared at her
breasts.

"My turn." Chandler nodded. He ripped his shirt off, then his white under
shirt, and Monica was surprised to see that Chandler was slightly muscled
over his abdomen. Not a lot, but enough to make her want to run her fingers
all over his skin as he came in and out . . . Monica shook herself. It will
be soon enough, she said to herself.

Monica kicked her shoes off, then undid the button to her pants. She slid
them down her thighs seductively, making a show of bending over so Chandler
could see her boobs from a different perspective.

Chandler, meanwhile, was highly enjoying that new perspective.

Monica was then standing before him, dressed only in a black string bikini
with little red roses on each side. She came up to Chandler and shoved up
against him so he could feel her hard nipples against his skin. He moved to
kiss her, but she stopped him.

"Somebody is wearing too many clothes," she told him.

"Yeah, I was thinking you should lose the underwear too."

Monica laughed, but began to unbutton his pants for him.

Chandler groaned. "God, it is *much* more eventful taking off clothes when
somebody else is doing it for you."

"I'm sure you'll feel the same way when you're old and in a nursing home,"
Monica commented.

"You guys wouldn't put me there," Chandler said matter-of-factly.

"You're right," Monica agreed, smiling slyly as she began to work on his
boxers. "We have sent you to the loony bin long beforehand."

"Ha ha so not funny," Chandler replied. "Maybe I don't wanna have sex
anymore," he pouted.

Monica made a point of staring at his huge, very aroused cock. "Something
tells me that's not true."

"It told you that huh? Maybe it should show you too."

"Mmm . . . I might like that."

Chandler grinned and wrapped his arms around her waist. He tugged at her
panties. "*These* are coming off."

"I love it when you give orders," Monica said, growling at the end for
effect.

"If I order you around in bed will you obey?"

"It depends on what you ask."

"I have some relatively normal requests!" Chandler protested.

"I don't know . . ." Monica joked. "You always seemed like the kind who
would tie me up and play with a fake whip."

Chandler stared at her in shock.

"You are so daft. I was kidding."

"Mmm . . . all of that sounds fun as long as it's with you," Chandler
murmered, standing up and pulling her close again. He kissed her softly,
tenderly.

"You do know I'll never do any of that, right?" Monica said, her voice
hushed as Chandler began to kiss down her throught.

"Oh, I think you might . . ." Chandler pinched her ass and she yelped in
surprise ". . . with the right convincing."

Monica giggled and brought his face up for another kiss. "And are you going
to do the convincing, Mr. Bing?"

"I was thinking along those lines."

She shoved herself forward so that his dick rubbed against her vagina. "Then
start convincing or I might change my mind."

Chandler smiled and helped her to jump up against the wall. She wrapped her
legs around his waist and pulled him inside of her in one instant. But they
both froze in that position, the feelings of pleasure too intense; a need
for a second to get used to the electricity running through their veins.

Finally, Monica started to get antzy and began to rock in circles, any
movement that would make him move inside of her.

Chandler moaned loudly and began to thrust in and out of her. Monica
remembered her thoughts from earlier and smiled sardonically.

Chandler reached one hand between them to tease her clitoris, and used his
mouth to tug and suck on her nipples; lavishing one with attention and then
returning to the other.

Monica couldn't think straight as all of these sensations came at her all at
once. The only thing she could do was moan and gasp and run her hands all
over Chandler's back and hair, egging him on.

Finally, Monica felt release beginning to come and she moaned 'oh, my God'
loudly as the world exploded around her.

Chandler grunted in intense pleasure as he felt her vaginal muscles clenching
and unclenching around his member. He pulled out and slammed back into her,
one last time, knowing it was going to push him over the edge and into the
sexual bliss Monica was already enjoying.

Of course, he was right, and he shot his load deep inside her core, too
caught up in it all to make any noise except for an empty gasp.

Several minutes later, Chandler slowly collapsed to the ground, Monica still
surrounding him, sitting on his lap as they fell. Neither one had talked in
quite awhile, both of them were to exhausted.

"That was amazing," Chandler finally panted.

"I love Cosmo!" Monica said in the same tone.

Chandler was confused, but he decided not to dwell on it as he had just had
the best sex of his life.

Monica started to get up. "You ready for another round?"

Chandler's erection instantly grew at those words. "I think we now know the
answer to that."

"On a bed."

"On *my* bed."

"Sometime today."

"Do you have any plastic whips at home?"

Monica laughed. "Chandler!"