Chapter 4

The dream came almost immediately this time. Annie was in the room, sitting on the soft double bed this time. But her view was almost exactly the same.

The woman came in first, talking, begging, crying, but like last time, Annie couldn’t hear her. Then the man came, angry, shouting, trembling with rage, but Annie couldn’t hear him either.

To her imense relief, Annie woke up before she had ro see the man hit the woman and throw her across the room, before she had to hear that awful thud when her head hit the wall.

Annie lay flat on her back, eyes wide open in terror. Sobs locked in her chest. After a while, she rolled onto her left side, brought her knees up to her chest and hugged her legs. She finally allowed herself to cry when she trusted herself not to sob loudly, but to let the tears fall silently down her cheeks.

She didn’t sleep at all, and after a long time of trying, she pulled herself up, switched on the light (even though it was only seven o’clock in the evening, the curtains were closed) and stared blankly at the wall directly opposite her.

Although she tried to keep her mind empty, a couple of niggling little thoughts kept managing to creap all the way to the front door of her mind before she forced them away. One, she knew was something to do with Dave. The other, she was pretty sure was about Matt. But she didn’t want to know anymore. She somehow sensed that if she did, it would shatter her already precarious existance into a million pieces which she would never be able to glue back together, no matter how hard she tried.

Matt came back at about half past eight. Caroline and another woman were with him. Annie only just managed to stop herself diving into Matt’s arms and bursting inot tears. The dream had really shaken her up and she badly wanted, needed, the comfort she knew he would give her.

"Hey Annie," Matt said, walking closer to give her a kiss on the cheek without a moments hesitation. The two women hung back.

"hi," Caroline said. She seemed a little nervous, obviously afraid of another outburst.

"Hi," annie responded. She looked at the other woman, searching the tatters of her memory for a clue to the stranger’s identity, but there were none.

"Hi, I’m Laura," the other woman said, smiling nervously at Annie. She and Caroline both stayed in the doorway, as if they were afraid to approach Annie.

"Matt, she’s only supposed to have two visitors at a time," Caroline hissed.

Matt shrugged, unconcerned. "Fine, I’ll wait outside," he suggested. All three women thought this was a bad idea and looked at him, then each other, wondering who was going to speak up.

"Matt, I’d really prefer it if you stayed," Annie said. Laura breathed a sigh of relief. Caroline smiled gratefully, then ducked out of the room.

"Annie, do you know who this is?" Matt asked gently, pointing to Laura. Annie slowly shook her head.

"I’m sorry, I don’t," she admitted.

"She’s your sister."

"Oh."

"Mom and Dad wanted to come, but Matt told them you were to upset to see them, but they wanted me to come. I mean, I wanted to come and see you," Laura said. She seemed nervous and on edge.

"Why?" Annie asked bluntly.

"Because, because you’re my sister," Laura stammered. Annie had obviously caught her off guard.

"So?" Annie fired back at her.

"So, I love you. I want you to get better," Laura said, regaining her composure. She seemed to be afraid of saying the wrong thing.

"Why? I don’t remember you. How do I know you’re telling the truth? What proof do I have that you really are my sister?" Annie demanded.

"Fine, have it your way," Laura snapped, tears springing to her eyes. She ran out of the room covering her face with her hands and crying.

"What the hell do you think you’re doing? She hasn’t done anything to you! I know you’re hurt and scared and feel like you can’t trust anyone. But that does not give you the right to treat everyone like shit, when we only want to help you," Matt accused her.

Annie burst into tears. She knew he was right, but she didn’t want him to hate her. She couldn’t bear it if he did, because then there would be no-one she could trust. It was funny, but even though she hardly knew Matt, she trusted him explicitly. Maybe it was because he had been there when she woke up, or because he had hardly left her since then.

"Oh honey, I’m sorry," Matt said. He had felt he had to say that stuff. And he knew Annie had to be told, but maybe he had been a little harsh.

"I’m sorry Matt. I just, I just, don’t know how to trust people that I don’t even remember," annie sobbed. Matt gathered her into his arms and hugged her tightly. He stroked her hair and rubbed her back.

"Its okay honey. I’m sorry. Its alright sweetie," Matt whispered. He kissed the top of her head. Annie let her skinny armscircle his neck and hugged him close. Matt put his strong arms around her back and held her as if he never wanted to let go.

They stayed like that for a long time. When Matt finally let her go, Annie wished he wouldn’t. she let her arms linger around his neck. Matt noticed her reluctance to let go and gave her a quicl hug and kissed her hair before he pulled away completely.

 

"I really have to go honey. I’ll be back as soon as I can," Matt promised.

"I don’t want you to leave," Annie confessed.

"Why? Are you afraid I won’t come back?" When Annie shrugged her shoulders, Matt knew he had hit the nail on the head. "Sweetie, I will. I promise," he told her. She still didn’t seem to believe him. Matt racked his brains to think of a way to convince her. He could only think of one thing, and he wans’t sure it would work.

Matt leaned towards Annie, slowly drawing closer to her. Her eyes widened as his lips gently brushed against hers. It was a chaste kiss, a friendly kiss, a brotherly kiss even. But for a second, niether of them could quite believe that it was.

He had kissed her! Annie couldn’t believe it! She swore to herself that for as long as she lived, no matter what happened, she would always remember that soft, gentle kiss. But she wanted so much more.

Matt was about to open his mouth to apologise. He shouldn’t have kissed her, not when she was hurt and vulnerable. But he couldn’t have stopped himself once the idea had wormed its way into his mind.

Annie saw the look of shame and regret on Matt’s face and was horrified. She didn’t want him to feel guilty! She didn’t want apologies! She wanted another kiss! And another. And another. She wanted his kisses forever and ever.

Annie leaned forward again. She reached up and put her hands on the back of Matt’s head to force him closer. She kissed him hard, her tongue sliding into his mouth, which Matt didn’t seem to mind at all.

The kiss built up, becoming more and more passionate, until all they both wanted to do was make love right there on the uncomfortable hospital bed with the possibility of someone walking in at any moment.

Matt was the one who regained his self control first. He couldn’t bear to look at her, sat there on the bed, eyes wide, face flushed, lips moist and parted. She was looking at him with a childlike confusion, wondering what she had done wrong. Matt wanted to hold her and tell her that she hadn’t done anything wrong, that it was all his fault, but he couldn’t do that, because he knew that if he touched her again, even for a moment, he would be lost.

"Matt?" Annie whispered. She blinked to hold back the tears that glistened in her eyes.

"Annie, I’m sorry," Matt said. He stood up and started backing towards the door. "I’m sorry Annie, so sorry," he said, then the door was open and he was stepping through it before Annie had recaptured her sense of awareness. Matt closed the door behind him.

Out on the corridor, he suddenly felt cold. Had Annie’s room really been that hot and stuffy? Or was it just the increadible sexual tension between them? No, he told himself. It couldn’t be that because there was no sexual tension. He and Annie were just friends. They’d never been mopre than that, not once in all the twenty years Matt had known her.

But then again, Annie couldn’t remember all those years of friendship. To her, he supposed he was just a nice guy who was always there for her, who obviously cared a great deal about her and who would take care of her when she came out of hospital.

Matt swore to himself that until Annie got her memoy back, and possibly not even then, there would be no more kisses like that one, actually, better make that no kisses full stop. Because who knew what one, innocent little peck on the cheek could lead to? He felt like he would be taking advantage of her if he went further than that with her before she could remember how they used to be before… well, before they grw up. Only once she remembered, would he consider it fair to… to do what exactly? Kiss her? Make love to her? Be in a relationship with her? Matt wasn’t sure. But he kknew that whatever it was shouldn’t happen until Annie got her memory back. He wouldn’t let it happen.

In her room, Annie stared at the closed door in disbelief. She couldn’t grasp what had just happened. One minute, he was yelling at her, the next they were kissing, really passionately she reminded herself, the next, he was outta there faster than a rat up a rope. She couldn’t remember where she’d heard that saying, but it seemed to be a good one.

It took a couple of minutes before Annie realised that Matt had gone, possibly for good, and all she had done was stare wordlessly after him. He must think she hated him. But, God knew, she didn’t hate him. She didn’t think she ever could hate him.

Annie bit her lip, trying not to cry. But she couldn’t help it. Tears streamed down her cheeks and her chest heaved with heartfelt sobs. She brought her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them. She stared miserably ahead without seeing anything, crying without being aware of it, wishing, praying that Matt would come back, hug her and tell her it was okay, or better yet, that he would kiss her.

When Annie was through crying, she curled up into a ball, rolled over onto her side, squashed herself into a tiny corner of the bed and fell asleep with the tears still damp on her cheeks.