Truth Unknown (part 6)

Chandler went upstairs to see Monica. He didnt' know if she's be willing to talk, but he wanted her to forgive him for whatever he had done to upset her. Chandler went into their bedroom. At first he didn't think Monica was there, but then he heard a small wimper and took a closer look. Monica was crouched on the floor in the small gap between their bed and the wall, hugging her knees, face hidden.

"Oh Mon," Chandler said softly, going over and kneeling in front of her. He touched her arms gently and she looked up. She was crying. "Mon, don't cry, I'm sorry I snapped at you, I just hate seeing you like this."

"I know, I'm sorry," Monica said quietly, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. She leaned forward and welcomed Chandler's arms around her.

"I'm really not trying to rush you. But I can't stand knowing how upset you are over this. I just want to help you Monica," he said gently.

"I know honey, I know," Monica mumbled. Chandler held her tightly. "Where's Shay?"

"Gone out."

"Was she freaked out?"

"A little."

"What did you tell her?" Chandler paused.

"I told her the truth," he said quietly. Monica pulled back a little and looked at him.

"That I was raped?" she asked, knowing that was what he meant, but just wanting to make sure.

"Yeah. I don't know how much of it she understood though," Chandler said. Monica leaned against him again.

"Are we gonna tell Beth?" she asked.

"I don't know. I mean, I hate asking Shay to keep secrets, but I really don't think Beth would be able to understand," Chandler said, considering it.

"Yeah, you're right. I just figure, if we don't tell her now, we can never tell her, because if we wait until she's old enough to understand, she'll hate us for not telling her to begin with, especially since we told Shay. She'll think we treat her like a baby or something," Monica said.

"Look, its up to you. If you think she can handle it, we'll tell her, if not we won't," Chandler said.

"Oh God, what if Shay lets something slip? Beth would almost certainly get the wrong end of the stick."

"Yeah. So what do you think?" Chandler asked.

"I think we should think about it a little more before we decide anything," Monica suggested. Chandler smiled.

"But not right now, huh?" he asked, knowing that was what she meant, but hadn't wanted to say. Monica nodded.

That evening, Shay seemed a little strange. Monica had told her it was okay that Chandler had told her, which Shay was grateful for. She hated keeping secrets from her mother. Beth had noticed something was wrong, but now that Monica no longer flinched everytime Chandler touched her, Beth seemed to have forgotten about it.

When it came to going to bed, Chandler let Monica decide what their sleeping arrangements were going to be. He wanted her to allow them to sleep together, in the sense of being in the same bed, but he knew he couldn't rush her.

"Honey, I know its not fair of me to ask you to ask you to sleep in the guest room all the time," Monica said as he took his pjs and started to leave their bedroom.

"You need your space," he said, trying to sounds sympathetic rather than resentful.

"Chandler, I'm sorry, I know this is hard on you too. I'll tell you what, you stay here," she said. Chandler smiled hopefully. "I'll go sleep in the guestroom." he sighed, his hopes crashing down.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I really don't mind."

"Okay then," Chandler crossed the room back to Monica and kissed her cheek. She put her arms around him and pulled him into a hug, clutching him desperately. "Mon?" he asked after a few minutes when she still hadn't let go.

"Sorry," she said, instantly releasing him and stepping back. She busied herself with taking her nightie out of the drawer by their bed, but Chandler stopped her and took her hands.

"I didnt' mean I was sick of hugging you," he said gently. "I could never get sick of that. I was just wondering if you were okay."

"Yeah," Monica said. She hugged him again, but only for a few seconds this time. Then she kissed him, just a light brush against his lips, but it was more than he had expected. He grinned. Monica beamed back at him and took her nightie. She started to walk out.

"Mon?" he said. She turned and looked back at him questioningly.

"Yeah?"

"I love you," Chandler said. He didnt' want to go to sleep without at least having told her he loved her. Monica smiled.

"I love you too," she replied.

Monica lay in the single bed in the guest room wishing she was back in their bedroom with Chandler. She would even have been grateful just to have been in the same room, even if she couldnt' touch him. After an hour of lying awake, Monica gave up tyring to sleep alone. She got up and crept into their bedroom. Chandler was awake, which she hadn't expected. He sat up when he heard the door open, expecting it to be Beth having had a nightmare.

"Monica?" he asked, blinking, wondering why she had come in. His first thought was that she had forgotten something, then he thought maybe he was dreaming.

"Hey," she said.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I couldn't sleep," she whispered.

"Me neither," Chandler replied. Monica slowly walked over to the bed. Chandler edged over to allow her room. She was half grateful that he did, half sad. There was still a part of her that wanted Chandler's arms around her. But even though she wasn't touching Chandler at all, simply knowing that he was there was enough to allow her to fall asleep. Chandler however, found it harder to fall asleep.

Once he was sure monica was asleep, Chandler rolled over and put his arm around her. She sighed slightly in her sleep, but didnt' wake up. Chandler promised himself that he would make sure he woke up earlyand move away to give her space.

Chandler did wake up first, but he couldnt' quite bring himself to roll over to the other side of the bed. When Monica opened her eyes and saw Chandler's face so close to hers and felt his arms holding her tight keeping her safe, she felt happier than she had felt since the rape. She smiled at him.

"Sorry, I couldn't fall asleep without holding you," Chandler confessed.

"Its okay," Monica assured him. She kissed his nose, making him laugh and pull her back for a proper kiss.

"I think we'll save ourselves a lot of time, trouble and sleeplessness if we just agree to sleep in here together to start of with. not sex, just cuddling," he smiled. Monica kissed him.

"What did I do to deserve you?" she asked lovingly.

"I don't know. You must have doen something really bad in a former life or something," Chandler joked, making Monica hit him playfully.

Chandler made breakfast, to give Monica a break, which she appreciated. While they ate, Shay was unusually quite until they were nearly finished.

"Dad, what time is Uncle Ross picking us up?" Shay asked.

"What?" Chandler said confused.

"Remember, Uncle Ross is taking us to Central Park today," Beth reminded him.

"Oh God, yeah, um ten o clock I think," Chandler said. Monica nodded.

"Yeah, that's right, he's bringing them back at four," she said.

Monica hurried the kids upstairs to get ready once they had finished breakfast. Ross arrived five minutes early and chatted to Chandler for a few minutes, while Monica brushed Beth's hair and dug Shay's sneakers out from under her bed. Chandler was surprised that Monica didn't come down with the kids. She didn't see Ross as often as she used to, but they were still very close.

"Where's Mon? i wanna say hi," Ross said as the girls put on their coats.

"Upstairs," Shay said quickly. "I think she's in the shower." Chandler raised his eyebrows. He knew Monica wasn't in the shower and Shay was lying for her. He sighed. Yet another mess for him to have to sort out.

"Okay, well tell her I said hi, okay," Ross said. Chandler nodded.

"Sure, I will do," he promised.

As soon as Ross and the kids left, Chandler went upstairs. He wanted to know why Monica had avoided Ross. She was hovering near the top of the stairs, obviously expecting that he would come up.

"What's going on Monica?" chandler demanded. She looked down and refused to meet his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm just not ready to tell everyone yet," she said.

"Who said you have to? Ross only wanted to say hi!" Chandler pointed out.

"Yeah, but I hate lying to him," Monica said.

"Mon, did you ask Shay to say you were in the shower?" Chandler demanded.

"No!" Monica denied, her eyes wide. "Of course not! Chandler, I woudl never ask her to lie for me!" she said. Chandler believed her.

"Well she did. Honey, I know this is hard on you, you were the one who was raped after all. But please rememeber that its hard on me and Shay too, even Beth," Chandler said.

"Maybe telling Shay wasn't such a good idea after all," Monica said thoughtfully.

"Maybe it wasn't, but we did," Chandler said, refusing to get into another should have, would have, could have discussion with her.

"No, you did," Monica reminded him coldly.

"Yes, I did, because she was worried and upset and scared to death that we were getting divorced. I made the decision to tlel her because I thought it was what was best for all of us," Chandler said, beginning to get angry.

"Don't shout at me Chandler!" monica said warningly. Chandler was reminded that despite her quite attitude since she was attacked, Monica was easily stronger than him by a mile whenever they fought. "I'm sorry Shay's upset, but its not my fault!" she was getting defensive, which Chandler didn't want.

"I'm sorry honey," he said, making a consicous effort tao calm down.

"Chandler, I hate the effect this is having on Shay, and I'm sorry its affected you. But I can't deal with you hating me right now. The only way I can cope with what's happened is with your help. I need to know you're on my side," Monica said. She felt tears pricking the back of her eyes and tried to hold them back. She didn't want Chandler to see her as weak or unable to cope.

"Monica, I am on your side. Believe me, I am," he assured her. "I always will be, which is why I'm trying to stop you blocking out everyone who loves you. I know you probably don't want them all to know what happened, but don't shut them out," Chandler begged her. "I'm sorry Mon," he said as she started to cry. "I'm only trying to help you."

"I know," Monica mumbled.

"Don't cry Mon," he said, soothingly, trying to hug her, but she stepped back, away from him. "What?" he asked, a little hurt.

"I'm sorry sweetie. I appreciate your support, really I do. But right now, I think I need to be alone," Monica said. Chandler nodded sadly.

"sure," he said, turning to go back downstairs, leaving Monica alone in their bedroom. When he was gone, Monica lay on her back on the bed. She had stopped crying, to her surprise, but she still felt upset, although not with Chandler. She knew if he hurt her, he didn't mean to, he would never intentionally hurt her, no matter what.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Kinda short and I'm sorry, but please review anyway.