Truth Unknown (part 2)

She didn't know how long she lay there, skirt pushed up, panties discarded, tears running down her face, sobs racking her whole body. After a while, she heard voices, drunked and shouting, but still people. She was about to call out to them, but she remembered how she had lain submissively under her rapist and felt a deep sense of shame. For eighteen years, Chandler had been the only man she's had sex with. After their wedding, fifteen years ago, she had been happy in the knowledge that no other man would ever touch her that way again. And now she had let this bastard rape her. She didn't call out.

Their voices did make Monica move though. She didn't want to risk them finding her like that. She didn't want anyone to see her in the state she was in right now. She scrambled to her feet, still crying and trembling all over, retrieved her panties and pulled her shirt straight.

Crouching behind the hedge, Monica waited until their voices had faded to nothing before she went back onto the street. Their neighbourhood was quiet and respectable, so no one was out this late, shesaw a few cars pass by, but none of them even seemed to notice her.

It was an agonising walk home. It would normally have taken only five or ten minutes to walk from the park to their home, but now it took her twice that. The physical pain of her brusied cheek from when he hit her, her sore stomach where he had kicked her, and the bruises on her thighs where he had forced her legs apart, that pain wasn't too bad, just a dull throbing.

But the pain inside her, that unshakeable guilt, the feeling of being somehow violated, worry over how Chandler would react when he found out. She knew without any doubt that CHandler would find out. There was no way he couldn't, he knew her far too well. Monica had often thought Chandler could read her like a book.

She didn't notice until she got to their front door that her attacker had stolen her purse as well, with all her credit cards, cash, photos of Shay, Beth and Chandler, and her keys. Slowly, she raised her hand and knocked on the door. Chandler answered a few seconds later, looking surprised that anyone was knocking so late at night. When he saw it was Monica he smiled.

"So you got lost, and forgot your key?" he joked, refering to her lateness. Monica didn't answer, or even move to come in. chandler stopped smiling and looked at her more closely. He saw her brusied face, and the tears on her cheeks, and pulled her towards him. Chandler hugged her tightly and knew something was very wrong when she flinched away from his touch.

"Mon?" he asked softly. "Mon, whats the matter?" She ignored his question and stepped inside, carefully avoiding brushing against Chandler. He shut the door and followed her into the livingroom. She sat on the edge of the couch nervously, knowing she would have to tell Chandler soon. "Mon?" he asked again. He stood in front of her. "We were worried about you."

"I was attacked," she said in a small voice, not looking at Chandler. He nodded, he had guessed that much the moment she stepped insisde and he saw the pain on her face and the dark bruise on her cheek. He wanted to hold her and kiss it all better, but he sensed there was something else that she wasn't telling him. Some deeper pain which explained why she was afraid of his touch.

"Oh Monica," he said softly. He sat on the couch next to her and tried to put his arm around her, but she edged away from him. She had started crying again, and he realised she had been crying for a long time. her eyes wee red and puffy, her cheeks damp and blotchy.

"I was raped," she said in an even quieter voice. Chandler was increadibly shocked. He felt tears spring to his eyes and felt totally useless. How could he help Monica if she wouldn't even let him touch her?

Monica looked at him nervously. She hated herself for pulling away from him, he was only trying to comfort her, but she couldn't help it. She could tell he wanted to hug her, but that he didn't dare reach for her again in case she was afriad of him. She knew Chandler would never hurt her, but that didnt' stop the irrational fear of his touch.

"Oh my God," he said quietly. He would never have expected something like this to happen, and he was very relieved Shay and Beth were in bed (it was almost eleven o clock).

"I'm sorry Chandler," she whispered. The confused, hurt look on his face scared her. What was he thinking?

"No, no, no Mon, don't be sorry. None of this is your fault. none of it, you hear me? Absolutely none of it!" he said fiercely, then stopped, seeing the frightened look in Monica's eyes.

"Chandler," she said softly, then found she didn't have the words to say what was on her mind. Deep down she knew he was right, buit she still blamed herself. If only she had taken the car, or asked Chandler to pick her up.The only thing she was glad about was that Shay and Beth hadn't been with her, Only maybe then they wouldn't have walked, or he wouldn't have chosen her. She knew thinking about stuff like that was useless. What had happened, had happened. She couldnt' do anything to change it, and thinking about what might have happened wasn't going to help her right now.

Chandler guessed some of what she was thinking, and longed even more to hold her close. He was crying too, but was trying not to, knowing he would be no help to Monica if he got as upset as she was.

"Monica, we should call the police," he said, standing up and moving slightly away, so she wouldn't feel so threatened by his closeness.

"No, Chandler, please don't," she said, her eyes widening with fear.

"Mon, I know its hard, but if we don't, the bastard who did this gets away with it," Chandler said angrily. Monica shrank away from him, making him even more angry, but not at Monica, at the man who had raped his wife. "I'm sorry. But please, would you just think about this," he said in a calmer, more controlled voice.

"Chandler, do you know what the rape conviction rate is? Less than 10 percent," she said tearfully. Using facts to hide her fear.

"Its still worth trying," CHandler insisted.

"Why? So I get to go to court and see him again? I never want to see him again," she said. Chandler sighed. He didn't want to upset her, but he wanted hr attacker to be punished.

"You don't have to," he said.

"Please Chandler, dont' ask me to do this," she begged.

"I'm sorry Monica," he said.

"I just don't want to have to go over it all again. I just want to forget it ever happened," she said.

"You really think you can forget this?" he asked gently.

"I don't know," Monica said weakly. She let herself slump forward. Chandler sat down and she fell into his arms. He hugged her tightly, glad that she had realised he would never hurt her. He rocked her slwoly back and forth, letting her cry against him.

An hour later, they were still there, on the couch, Chandler holding her, but Monica had finally stopped crying. She had started to wonder why she had trusted Chandler, then realised it didn't matter, the point was that she knew it was stupid to be afraid of him. Monica lifted her face away from Chandler's chest and looked at him. He looked very sad, she supposed that was her fault. It was now after midnights, and she knew he had to get up early to go to work, and she would have to as well to get the kids ready for school. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep, but she shouldn't stop Chandler.

She stood up stiffly, he stomach sending a sharp jolt of pain as she moved. Chandler looked up at her. Silently he put his arm around her and led her upstairs to their bedroom. He noticed she was shaking slightly and guessed she was nervous about sleeping so close to him. She had let him touch her, hold her, comfort her, but she was still afraid.

"I can sleep in the spare room if you want," he offered, wishing he didn't have to, but knowing it was best for Monica if he did. She looked at him gratefully.

"If you're sure you dont' mind, I think I'd rather be by myself tonight," she said, even though she desperately wanted to fall asleep with his arms around her, she kenw such close contact, even with Chandler, woudl just make falling asleep even hardwer.

"No problem," he said, squeezing her a little closer for a second, then releasing her. "Just let me go get some pjs."

"Sure, I wanted to go check on the girls, then take a shower, so take your time," she said. Chandler thought about commenting, but thought it was probably better to stay quiet.

"Okay. 'Night," he said.

"'Night," Monica returned, quietly opening the door to Beth's bedroom. Chandler stood and watched her go in, then close the door again.

Monica kissed Beth's cheel and tucked the covers a little tighter around her. She picked Beth's stuffed panda up, which had fallen onto the floor and placed it on the pillow. Then she went in to see Shay, and picked her duvet up from where it had slipped half onto the floor. She kissed Shay on the cheek and crept out.

Monica could hear Chandler still in their bedroom, so she went into the bathroom to take a long hot shower. She felt like she needed to scrub away all traces of the rape. She switched the water on and undressed while she waited for it to heat up, checking the door was locked several times.

She stayed in the shower for half an hour, trying to wash her bruised body without actually looking at the marks. Her skin felt very sensitive, screaming out whenever she touched it. When Monica eventually stepped out, wrapped in a towel, she couldn't hear Chandler moving around anymore and assumed he had gone to bed. She had sighed. She had half hoped he would be as unable to sleep as her, but that obviously wasn't the case.

Monica thought that, but it wasn't true. Chandler was lying in bed in the spare room, very wide awake. For seventeen years, since they first moved in together, he had never once slept alone. Even during the year before that, he had rarely been apart from Monica for more than one night. Chandler couldn't imagine sleeping in a different room from now until whenever she stopped being afraid of his touch. The room seemed empty without someone else, without her breath to sooth him. He wondered if Monica was feeling the same way, then thought she probably felt worse. He has heard her come out of the bathroom and desperately wanted to join her in their bedroom, but he didn't want to startle her, especially while she was wearing just a towel, or later, when she was lying alone in the dark. Monica would be terrified if he suddenly appeared in bed beside her.

She would, but that didn't prevent her wanting to reach out and feel Chandler's body only a few inches away from hers. Monica knew she wouldn't dare touch him if he had been there, but she couldn't help wishing that she wasn't alone. Monica couldn't sleep. She kept reliving the rape in her mind and torturing herself with what if scenarios.

Chandler finally managed to fall asleep at about four am, and he had to be at work at nine the next morning, which meant getting up at six thirty if he was going to make sure the kids got to school on time. He slept restlessly, plagued by nightmares of Monica and a stranger, who's face he couldn't see.

Monica didn't fall asleep until almost five thirty am. She would have to wake up in an hour, but was so exhausted, both physically and mentally from the attack. She had expected to dream about it, but she didn't dream at all.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Okay, there's part 2. Review, flame if you have to. Part 3 coming soon.